My brother-in-law does some counselling at the church and my husband thinks it's a good idea but I'm not really comfortable about it. What do you think?
2007-03-26 05:10:56 · 40 answers · asked by filks23 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO! You should never involve any member of either of your families in your marriage. What goes on with you and your husband is none of their business. If you're uncomfortable with just the thought of talking to him, how would you feel after he knows all your marital business? If you want to go to counseling, go to someone that isn't family. Good luck.
2007-03-26 05:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha Sure go. That way your brother in law can tell you how to be with his brother . Just because that guys in a church doesn't mean he,s not going to wont the best for his brother. He,s a human and no closer to God then you and I . I think it its a bad idea . In fact i think its about lame to talk to his brother about you 2 . If you really need counseling keep it out of the family or its going to be all your fault .After all they grew up together and think alike you may just as well talk to your husband.
2007-03-26 05:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to seek counseling from someone with out bias. Even though I'm sure that your brother-in-law is very professional it is very hard letting go of your personal feelings. You should explain to your husband why you feel the way that you do and talk about seeking help from someone who don't know either of you and your issues. This way you will be more likely to receive the help that you all are seeking. Good luck I hope that everything works out for you! Take care. :) No worries
2007-04-03 03:03:56 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a good thing.
Keeping your issues out of the family is also a good thing.
I'd find another counselor.
Counseling can only work if you are 100% open and honest. It's my opinion that you won't be able to do that unless you feel your counselor is 100% non-judgmental and will keep everything that is said confidential.
Personally, I think it would make for some uncomfortable holiday dinners knowing that this person knew all of your "dirty laundry."
2007-04-03 03:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by GrzlyBear8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For counseling to work you both have to be comfortable with the counselor. Also, it is important to find an unbiased source and your brother-in-law does not qualify. If he is a certified counselor he will not agree to it because of conflict of interest, but some churches have faith-based counseling by people who are not clinically certified. (BTW that doesn't mean they can't be good at it, it is just a different approach) God bless you.
2007-03-26 05:24:09 · answer #5 · answered by Sara B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends solely on what the issue on hand you need counselling for, is. I could only see the benefits of having a family member attend to the counselling duties if the issue on hand is very private and sensitive (or even criminal), and it is absolutely essential that the information be kept within the family. Keep in mind, however, that counsellors, unlike doctors and lawyers, are not explicitly bound by law to keep their clients' information secret.
Objectively speaking, if you're not comfortable with it, it is already a poor choice; both parties involved need to be comfortable in order for good, open discussions to happen. The difficulty here is that your brother-in-law will not be able to objectively evaluate both your positions, because he 1) knows both of you personally, and 2) he is your husband's brother (so he will be more inclined towards his point of view due to similar upbringings).
A good course of action would be to find a family friend to recommend you to an excellent counsellor they know of, and to politely decline your brother-in-law's kind offer, citing that you would not want to affect the rest of your family with your maritial issues.
Good luck.
2007-03-26 05:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by -- 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've answered your own question. In order for counseling to work, both parties must be comfortable with the person you're talking to. For your husband to think its appropriate to go to a family member is wishful thinking at best, and just downright ridiculous at worst. You need a person who is unbiased and is on fair footing for the both of you. Leave family out of it and find yourselves a therapist that you can both feel comfortable with.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 04:57:35 · answer #7 · answered by Vix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. In order for counseling to be effective, both parties must be completely comfortable and able to share their innermost thoughts and feelings. How is this possible with family?
You are trying to talk about your husbands erectile disfunction with someone you have to see at Sunday dinner...... ok, an exaggeration but you see my point. The fact that you are feeling uncomfortable sort of defeats the purpose. I'm sure there are plenty of other options for counseling that do not include family members.
2007-03-26 05:22:13 · answer #8 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NEVER EVER go to family members for any type of relationship advice!!!
Usually the family member will be more apt to take the side of their family member, because they usually have the same views, were raised in the same atmosphere, etc. So it is not a good idea.
Also if you consult family members on relationships, they will always remember it... and stick their noses in where they don't belong.
If you go hash things out with his brother, isn't that going to make family get togethers a little odd... especially if he takes your husbands side all the time?
Always get a neutral 3rd party to do any counseling.. have the brother in law refer you to someone else there maybe... that is not him....
2007-03-26 05:17:47 · answer #9 · answered by Steffi 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-20 11:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋