My child's father hates that we're not together (2nd split in the last year. Everytime I choose to leave he promises that things will be different if and when I come back. I fell for this the first time and things didn't change much. Now he's doing it again, making the same promises he made the first time around. I'd love to have my family stay together but I refuse to be with someone and not be happy. Any SERIOUS advice would be very helpful. Thank you.
2007-03-26 05:09:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The old "I'll change I promise" routine. I would say if it only happened once then give him another chance. But it has happened over and over again then he is just stringing you along. He is not willing to work on the relationship b/c he is not taking your needs seriously. He is not making you happy and I think that is your answer right there. I didn't hear anything about love in there, only your concern for keeping your family together (which is great but not a reason to stay with him). I don't know if you still love him but you need to first take care of yourself and your child. In my opinion you should not get back together with him unless you start to see the changes that need to happen FIRST. Good luck.
2007-03-26 05:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by Megan F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make him suffer a little....
make some ultamatums!
people can change if they really want to.
he probably does not change because he "thinks" or "knows" that you will be there for him no matter what....
i think that you have not really "scared" him and made it clear that you mean business.
just let him suffer for awhile. act like you are serious this time and that you want out...
my honest opinion is that 5years is a long time and if you 'love" him, then you will try to make things work.
I do not know what your fights are about or what exactly makes you not happy with him, but only you know if you can truly make it work and be happy again, the way you once were.... are the problems big enough not to overcome?
if he is just dead beat and never does noting right then yeah, leave. but if you all can make it work and you feel like if you really put your foot down, he just might change then yes try again... people make mistakes...
you just gotta stay on top of things and make sure that things dont go back to the same old ways. dont let one thing slip, make it be known that you mean serious business "or else" and i think he will also be on top of things and change.
a person can not change everything at once, but they can start some place and try little by little.
i think together you two can make things work....
GOOD LUCK! and i think only u know what u want...:)
sorry i dragged on and on i hope i helped though
2007-03-26 12:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jdez 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's over. 5 years is enough. help the child by finding a new mate. you don't want to raise your child on an unhealthy relationship- do it for the kid.
your family will never be right if you stay together- to much has happened, and you'll never get to peace.
find someone else, someone that makes you happy without having to make promises. you'll find someone. for both you and your child.
2007-03-26 12:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One course of action would be to tell him that you are willing to try again, but there will be no sex, and no commitments until after many weeks of couple's counseling, and evidence that he haas truly changed his ways. If he is really serious about getting back together, he should not even hesitate to agree to this. But, if you give in to sex -- even once, he may no longer have any need to truly change. you two need to resolve the real issues as to why you split apart, and sex is not the reason (in most cases) -- it just makes people stay together despite the problems.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 12:14:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you have a child and you want to do what is best for them, but nothing is worth you not being happy. Remember its your life too, I don't think your child or you would like to live in an unhappy environment.
This is a mothers judgement, do you really want to live unhappily for your child? Or do you want to live your life?
This dosen't mean you can't be friends with the Father, your child can always visit and stuff like that.
I just really think you should be a free sprit. You have a life as well too and you need to put you first :]
2007-03-26 12:13:07 · answer #5 · answered by summerbabyyy, 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've made the effort and he has not. Don't feel guilty if you leave him for good. Your happiness is just as important as the childs. Its time to move on and find a man who doesn't have to be anything but what he is to make you happy. Good Luck..
2007-03-26 12:14:39 · answer #6 · answered by gregory_usa83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be with someone that makes you miserable sometimes it takes someone to loose you to realize what a great thing they had, then they can try to fight for you back. But if being away from him makes you miserable, makes your kids miserable, then stay and work it out no one said that a relationship is easy.
2007-03-26 12:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by Hudhud 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends. If there's nothing he can do to make you happy, then you should be honest with yourself. If however you love him, give him a chance to make things right. Don't give in right away though. Make him fight for you. That will make what he's saying stay in his head longer.
2007-03-26 12:13:37 · answer #8 · answered by Mama R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't tell us what makes you unhappy with him,if it can be
cured.if it's not an impossible case,better stay with him,because it has been known that successors are worse
2007-03-26 12:14:54 · answer #9 · answered by asso 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if am men well be to chicken to step up too the plate the frist time i dont think that he will step up the seconde time.
2007-03-26 12:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by HOTT_NINJETTE 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋