Sister is in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Question

How do you help a sister that is in a emotionally abusive and controlling relationship with her husband.
She constantly calls and cries to me about how mean and controlling her husband is. How she has to pay all of the bills and doesn't have any money left over to barely eat.
And the killing part to it all, she is 7 months pregnant by him, has a bachelor's degree and works 2 jobs.

I constantly talk to her, and try to encourage her to come and stay with me, or our mom, or her best friend.

But, honestly I think that she is totally afraid of him.

And, I am scared for her, because I feel like once the baby is born then she is really going to be controlled.

I don't know what else to do to get her to leave and be healthly and happy.
I love her so much, and want the best for her.


This is a very sincere and serious situation, and I would appreciate serious answers.
Thanks

Answer 1

I think that it is important to be a supportive but not enabling ear for your sister. It is also important not to be judgmental of her as she struggles with this situation. You may suggest counseling but in no way should you abandon her if she does not do it. She needs to find her own voice again. Sometimes when women are abused they forget the validity of their own feelings and often need to hear someone validating their experience. There is a book called Why Does He Do That Inside the Mind of Angry and Controlling Men. You can suggest that as a place for her to start her journey back to a healthy place.

(hugs)

Answer 2

I would suggest trying to take your sister to a counselor. Perhaps if she can just speak to someone for a while she will realize the extra stress that is being put upon her, and probably causing stress for her baby. Often times a man will become emotionally abusive, and then when he doesn't get the reaction he wants, he may become physical. Tell your sister that she needs to think about the best interests of her child.

Answer 3

You need to see Madea's Family Reunion. They teach you how to get rid of a guy like that. I'm serious about this. Also you might want to keep a record of how many times she calls you and tell her to keep a record of the things he does to her. If it gets real abusive tell her to call the cops. Even if he denies it at least they'll have some type of record showing she tried to stop it. If neither of you do anything he will keep abusing her and it wont stop. Even though its scary at least she has you and your mom so try to start out with that ok? If it gets too dangerous, just take her and move her in with you. also tell her to keep mace in her purse. she not only has to protect herself but her unborn child. good luck.

Answer 4

Well, you can only do so much. She prolly feels that she has to stay with him cuz she is pregnant. But, it's just excuses.. He has her emotionally by controlling her. Give her time and hopefully she will eventually leave him. I begged my mom to leave my dad for 15 yrs cuz I knew that he would never get out of his drug addiction. She always felt that he would change.. but hey never did and after 23 yrs finally left his ***. I hope that she will realize sooner. It just shows no matter if you are her family.. it really comes down to hear when she has had enough of his ****....
Good luck to her. I hope she leaves him!

Answer 5

You can only do so much to help your sister. Her moving out and moving on is totally up to her. All you can do is be supportive with her and hope she sees the light of day in this doomed relationship. You have suggested outs for her and she continues to cry to you and not move out of that house. There really is nothing more you can do to help her unfortunately. She is not listening to you...she is stuck right now in the what ifs. Good luck to her.

Answer 6

I know you want to help your sister, but she has to leave her husband by herself. Support her in every way you can, that seems to be the best solution for now.
What you can do is encourage her and tell her that there is help available and that she can live with you and gt police protection if she needs it..

Answer 7

If she is scared of him, and in an abusive relationship with him, then i strongly suggest that your sister get a divorce. it's the only way to help her. she's being controlled for pete's sake!

i am serious.

Answer 8

this guy obviously doesn't know how a REAL man should act, so in all seriousness, i think you should have a real man go and "talk" to him, wink wink....me personally i hate this crap, a friend of mine met this dude at college and come to find out he was not only emotionally abusive but physically as well....she came to me crying one day with a black eye, and that was it, i promptly beat the near death out of him and then proceeded to tell him how he was going to act or I'd be seeing him again, so my advice is that you have someone talk to him and treat him how he treats her, before the situation escalates.

Answer 9

hey are talking about my sister.
heres the thing my sister is going thru this same thing. Hubby is a jerk and doesnt work, he makes her work so he can hang out at home and cheat on her. he is a loser and will never become anything positive. he yells at her that she is the one cheating.he says she is crazy and abuses her. look this has been going on for years, almost ten years. when we try to tell her to leave him she says, you guys dont understand him.when we tell her to tell him to get a job and be a man, she says he says he doesnt have to prove anything to anyone. you can tell her to leave but your sister wont. you can encourage her to do it for the baby but she wont.she is hooked on him and in a way she is in a trace and brain washed to think that she can be nothing without him. there is nothing you can do. my sister says i will leave him when i find him cheating on me. well he has come home with hickies(love marks), girls call him, girls come to the house, she still doesnt believe it, she wants to catch him in the act. she wont change. so what i have done is keep myself away from her and her problems, i tell her i dont want to hear anything negative about her marriage. when we go out ot lunch or something she tries to talk about it i talk about my hubby and how great he is, she gets mad but hey thats the way it is suppose to be. we are not very close anymore but she has another sister that she can tell all her problems to.i wont hear them anymore because anything negative you saay about thier spouse they will get mad and be upset with you not the hubby. i tell my sister that her hubby is a dead beat hubby and a loser and she says you are the loser. she takes it as if i am affending a great guy or something. i say you stay out of it. continue ot meet with your sister for dates for lunch but thats it. good luck