I don't understand this, we have been having trouble since last Nov. She told me that she she wanted a divorce, so we sat down ant talked things out. Then we deceided to work things out. Then at the end of Feb she told me that she loves me but she is not in love with me. She went to her mothers house for a few days and when she came home she told me that maybe she is being to Hasty and with things. She said that she does not want to loose me and maybe it was a mistake.
She said that she does not want to say I love you until she means it. But now she says I love you and when I ask her if she is in love with me she says yes. I don't if she is telling me the truth b/c she has fliped floped soooo may time.
We have not said sex since the middle of Feb, is she playing me???
We a also moving to a new state and going to buy a house, is this a good idea????
A little advice would be nice b/c I don't know what to do. We have two great kids together and also I still love her very much
2007-03-26 04:59:31 · 15 answers · asked by Brett H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
awww... I think she still loves you, but she is just unsure of her own feelings, so she is trying to decipher them right now. I can surmise that she probably had quite a discussion with her mother about this when she visted her for those few days you mentioned, and after thinking it through more thoroughly, she came back to you and realized she still loves you. That she came back to you and said she doesn't want to lose you, indicates that she, too, is willing to work out the kinks in your relationship together, and she thinks it is worth the effort to preserve a union she values.
The idea to move to a new state and a new house is a good idea, as both of you could use a fresh start, and a change of scenery could help. Remember to keep in mind the difficulties of moving your children around, however, so keep in mind some of the difficulties they may experience moving to a new school (new teachers, new peers-- new environment), and enrol them in after-school activities that might provide them with social opportunities.
It's only been just over a month that you haven't had sex; perhaps she just needed some time to cool down. Also, if she is getting into her menopausal years (somewhere around her 40's) she may just have a decreased sex drive due to hormonal changes.
If you want to initiate things, try to set the mood with candles and nice sheets, things like that. Women really like to see their men putting effort into making sex an emotionally, as well as physically, satisfying event.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 05:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by -- 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What problems caused the trouble to start in the relationship? Work on those at this time.
Why are you moving? Do you HAVE TO move or is this a choice? If a choice, would reconsider it as you have some major issues to deal with and outside distractions will detract from the issues but they WILL NOT go away.
I see you love her very much and that you have 2 children together. Bravo that you are taking the bad with the good in your marriage.
As men know, women don't like/have sex unless things are fine in their "head" (relationship). It has nothing to do with how you look. Women are different. Not wrong. Just different. Sex is a way of expressing love for a man so I think the lack of it is causing you to feel unloved. Bring that up when you go back to the problems to work on that caused the trouble to begin. Perhaps both of you have taken each other for granted and want the other to do the changing or romancing or pursuing. Nope, don't work. Make the first move and things will flow. Marriage is service - to our spouse. If both spouses would remember that and act on that - it would help diminish strife in the marriage.
Good luck to you.
2007-03-26 05:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She'd better start shaping up or just ship her out! I don't think she really knows what she wants anymore, and that can be scarey because the moment she lays eyes on someone that will give her the time of day I thinik she will drop you, because of how unsure she truely is. And for those big moving steps you go ahead and do it for yourself and those kids because they deserve it and so do you, if she happens to go with you make sure she has no control over the paper work for the house, she may leave you out in the cold if she gets what she wants. Good Luck!
2007-03-26 05:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by kuc2215 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Had same problem two years ago. It happened twice within one year, but now she says she is in love. Previously she said she could not commit herself. Sadly I ended up believing her and slowly but surely fell out of love. We are still together though a year ago I moved to another country due to work commitments. We see each other regularly, rarely (but do once or twice) argue. Look after the kids and ourselves better than before (maybe it's the distance and time-space). You still love her so tell her exactly what your worries are and that you would like to build a better life with her and see what happens.
2007-03-26 05:16:29 · answer #4 · answered by 1967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well listen to what she is saying. Take her back since you both still love each other and seek marriage counseling and help if need be. I think this marriage is worth saving and trying to restore. I dont think she is playing you i feel her emotions are just up and down right now and she is confused herself. Love and support your wife with things and work on this marriage. Stop all divorce proceedings if they have started as well. Good luck to the both of you. I hope you marriage works out.
2007-03-26 05:16:37 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK THAT YOUR WIFE IS VERY CONFUSED AND PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU.
she needs to figure out what she REALLY wants.
i think that you need to dig and find out if she is cheating or if maybe at some time there was infidelity going on.
who knows maybe she really does want to make things work, BUT i think that no sex is kind of "fishy" have you tried asking?!?!?
well anyway, buying a new house and moving states is a HUGE move forward and you can not afford to have your wife playing with fire anymore... it seems like she really is not putting in her share into the marriage. i wish u the best of luck though and i hope that things look up for you.....
just think and play your cards wisely.
2007-03-26 05:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by Jdez 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She threw the divorce on the table because I think, in my humble opinion, that she needs something from you she's not getting. And she's not communicating to you what it is; perhaps because she can't put her finger on it. That happens sometimes in relationships. Either she knows whats missing or isn't quite sure, but your ratings are dropping - you need to pump them up. Not easy when you don't know what to do, but, just try to step it up a little with the ATTENTION and romance. No negative stuff. Flatter her. Compliments. Try to rise above all this drama and be the man. Sometimes we women need that. Now go get your wife back. ; )
2007-03-26 05:06:58 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take her at her word and move on. This happens. Maybe ask her if she needs to get some problems out in the open. Maybe some things are bothering her. Ask her if she wants to go to counseling to get some things out that she thinks about. Just don't suggest it in a negative way.
I wouldn't worry so much about whether she loves you. If she's considering buying the house with you, she loves you. Good luck!
2007-03-26 05:05:15 · answer #8 · answered by Mama R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. It sounds like you're at a cross roads. I would NOT move and buy a house with her. She doesn't know what she wants and can't make up her mind. I would suggest filing for separation, this way it will give you a chance to clear both of your heads, you know? But then again, it might a situation where she doesn't want to be with you, and yet she doesn't want anyone else with you either.You'll want to watch for that too.
2007-03-26 05:19:07 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, she has seen what her life would be without you when she went to her mothers and has decided her life is better with you. I don't think she is in love with you, however but probably dependent on you for things (money, money, money).
If you are okay with this then stay. If you would rather make a life for yourself where you would feel loved then leave and take a chance.
2007-03-26 05:06:16 · answer #10 · answered by Ker Plunk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋