My best-friend has a son that lives with her ex. She is a good mom, sees him regularly and makes regular child support payments. She has no problem with letting her ex be the primary child care giver and he was the one that requested the arrangement so that's how they worked it out. We were out the other night and she told an acquaintance of ours about her situation and she started saying she is a deadbeat mom. If the roles were reversed and the man had his child part time and paid child support people would say he was a good father. Why the double standard?
2007-03-26 04:26:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My best friend didn't call herself a "deadbeat" it was out acquaintance that called her one. My friend has no issues with the custody arrangement. That is what works best for them. My question is why people would judge a mother for not having primary custody.
2007-03-26 04:39:16 · update #1
Bluemist, your attitude is exactly what I am talking about. You assume that the child is not nurtured and loved by her but abandoned so she can party. That is judgemental and false.
2007-03-26 04:43:01 · update #2
People just generally assume that a child should be with it's mother. If otherwise, for some reason people assume there is something 'wrong'. That's how some people operate, it's pretty pathetic that some people are not open minded enough to see that she does her best even tho her child lives with her ex..
2007-03-26 04:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think there it is a double standard to most people.
She most likely feels guilty because shes not the primary care giver. I mean, obviously she thinks its what is best for her child. But at the same time, its what is expected in society for the mother to take care of the child. So she was most likely trying to joke to the other people, so that they wouldnt think "low" of her, she prolly thinks saying it and getting a half smile is more comfortable then the ackward look people may give her if she just says, "My son lives with his father full time".
I dont think shes a deadbeat mom, she sounds like a really intelligent open minded woman, I respect her for that.
2007-03-26 04:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think people have it in their heads that mothers should have unconditional love for their children, like maternal instincts. Some people think that fathers do not. It has been said that if a family of three (father, mother, and child) were in a boat and all fell off the boat, the mother would save the child, and the father would save the mother. A lot of mothers wonder how it is possible to give up on their children. I find it hard to believe, also, but I do not think that a father in incapable of raising children. It happens all of the time!!!!
2007-03-26 04:35:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are just used to seeing children go with their mother in situations like this. This person is just making a judgment on a situation she probably knows little or nothing about. As long as your friend is doing her part in taking care of her children and letting her children know that she loves them I say she is being a good parent. I know it was probably hard for your friend to even give her kids up like that. God bless you and your best friend.
2007-03-26 04:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by diamoniquejazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's just beating herself up because of her insequrities about herself. She should probably go into some counseling it would do her some good to raise her self esteem. It's somthing that she has to realize for herself. It will help though to keep telling her what a good mother she is and she is doing the most and best she can do! Good luck!
~Meiko
2007-03-26 04:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by Meiko420 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is because of the double standard & stereotypes. Traditionally, the children were to be with the mother. If they weren't it aws because she was mentally, or physically incapable, or just unfit. I think she's doing the right thing & another stereotype of boys need their father to teach them manly things. She's not a dead beat if she does her part. In fact, she's a strong hearted woman to let her son go to a better teaching of life for him w/ his dad.
2007-03-26 05:18:44 · answer #6 · answered by J Doe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Double standard, some times the dad is actuallly in the better person to take care of the child, and the better influence. At least she sees her child and helps financially
2007-03-26 04:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by MintyLass* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-23 16:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't say he was a good father. at the most he is just a good part time father. or the worst just a deadbeat that sees his kid when he has too. or maybe not at all just pays for it
2007-03-26 04:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just ignorant. People are stereotyped too much in this world!!
They are both doing a great job.....ignore the ignorant so and so's.
2007-03-26 05:27:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋