Have any of you been to marraige counseling for a husband who is a compulsive liar? Did it help? Are you still together? I am tired and it is exhausting to wonder everyday what I have been lied to about. We started last week and I'm hoping to get over some resentment that is built up. I guess I just want to see if that is possible.
2007-03-26 04:20:16 · 18 answers · asked by confused one 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been together for 23 years and it started on day one even though I didn't know it for about a year. It's a lot of resentment!
2007-03-26 04:36:17 · update #1
Lies about emailing and meeting other girls after work,but then tells me he didn't. He just told other people he did because he is a liar(his excuse) Lies about everything even to other people. Then I'm in the middle and feel stupid. He does admit he has a problem though.
2007-03-26 04:45:03 · update #2
At least he does admit he has a problem. And he does go to counseling with you. Give it a chance. People do benefit from counseling and if not, at least you both will know you tried it.
You can get over some of the resentment when you have a counselor listening to him and then you. It will be good to know that someone else thinks it's weird that you can't believe what your spouse says. When he has to lie double-time about what he did and why, he'll get embarassed at some point. Someone else will be witnessing what you witness.
Give him lots of encouragement for his cooperation in this. If he lies again (he might not but you should be on the lookout), you will be able to see the same therapist yourself, with or without him, and try to nip it in the bud. Or think about whether he truly is a hopeless case.
2007-04-01 17:13:37 · answer #1 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question is too wide open. What's the nature of his lies? Are they serious issues? Is there infidelity, you think?
I would NEVER marry a guy because I'm all man. And I would never marry especially a compulsive liar, so how long have you known he was a liar of that sort. If you took him in that way you have a long road ahead. You just started. Be patient.
I've been to A LOT of counseling and it doesn't always work when both parties aren't in sinc about the nature of the problems. If he is a compulsive liar he will not readily admit it to the counselor either! He will always have a distorted view of the issues. BUT the good news is that YOU can learn to deal constructively with the problem until a fix can be discovered. There is hope!
Therapy and cure are not the same thing, therapy is the process to the cure. You lose nothing and can gain a lot. Try it, you might like it.
2007-03-26 04:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by forlove 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, but i don't think he is worth it...what are you trying to hang onto, a bad habit? A compulsive liar and habitual cheater...he is not likely to change anytime soon, and your resentment (justified) will not help matters either. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think you should call it quits.
Marriage counseling can be helpful in teaching couples new problem solving and communication techniques. However, it does not "fix" a marriage or the people in it. Best of luck to you. He's the one who needs counseling.
2007-04-02 05:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have gone to counseling, however, it was not for his compulsive lying. It was because of my intimacy issues and his depression. It helped tremendously, however, both parties must want to improve the marriage. It will not work if only one of you wants the help. We are still together and happier than ever. We've worked through a lot of our resentments. It is possible to work through your problems. My husband and I had 21 years together to work through. It's a constant battle, but counseling definitely helps.
2007-03-26 04:33:27 · answer #4 · answered by Kathryn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do people not read the question. Yes I have been to church and counsiling for a liar, and it doesn't change when only 1 wants it to work then there is no hope. give up and go on with your life. I have read everything you said. There is no hope. If you have to lie too then go for it. he doesn't deserve anything from you and stop wasteing money. You finially have come to the right place. If you can find a new man go for it because the one you have is a looser.
2007-03-26 05:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly t 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a bigger question here, divorce. Try reading "Should I Stay or Go?" by Lee Raffel. I think personal counseling for you would be a big help it sorting out yourself and finding what you really want in life. Practice active waiting because only time will tell. What I mean is, get yourself in a position to move on or simply find your options.
2007-04-02 07:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by howellslj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is very difficult to be with someone like that. It is also very difficult deep inside to think about leaving him. It is difficult when you form a bond with someone and you think you love him. Spending years of your life with him you feel partly responsible to 'bring him out of it' and the other part of you says 'Why the hell am I still here?' Well my dear I hope that you are going to do the right thing. I do not know what to say to you. I would think that after 23 years he knows and has been taught right from wrong he thinks that he is getting away with it. It is going to be up to you to decide if you are going to continue to care for him and shield him as you are almost like a crutch or to leave and give him the reality slap in the face that he needs. Its never going to change because at this point he thinks he is getting away with it. Do what you have to do.
Regards,
Nicole
2007-04-02 22:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
teAny lie is just to much in my book.He has a real problem. My ex husband lie like a rug and so does his mother and sister. It is an illness. He lied so bad, he would even ask me'' when do you think it would end''? Now he is a preacher, still telling lies. I don't know what to tell you as long as he is not seeing that he have problems, then you ate gonna always be lied to.
2007-04-02 22:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very hard and hope it all works for your "bestfriend" My best friend doesn't say much about her personal feeling too but I wrote her a letter once and told her that she needed to open up more to me so that I could be there for her more. She should talk to her parents and tell them how she feels and really sit down and talk. Hope it all works out.
2016-03-29 08:13:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have counseled couples where one partner was continually lying. Counseling is effective if there is truth and honesty. If there is not it most likely will not work unless the lying party acknowledges his lying and committs to correct this problem.
I wish you well
2007-04-02 13:26:57 · answer #10 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋