my fiance and i are about 20 years apart. just looking to get some opinions.?

Question

i am 18 and he is 37

Answer 1

You are 18 and this man is already your fiance? This means you were dating this adult when you were a minor? Sorry, but that indicates the man has very low morals and may be a pedophile. RUN honey!

Answer 2

Personally, I don't think it should matter what we or anyone else thinks.

What matters is can you two get along and respect each other and keep the love alive long enough to satisfy both individual's goals.

The challenges I feel you would face, having some experience with a large age difference, are surmountable, but they will most likely not just be ignorable.

1. Will the older individual have the energy and passion that the younger person has. Sure, you might say yes in the beginning, but that could change as time goes by. Be aware of the possibility and be prepared to compromise.

2. The younger individual is more likely to change than the older individual, from my experience. With time the younger individual may change significantly and find that they don't have what they want in life. Alternatively the younger individual may change so much in favour of the older individual and find that they have lost a sense of who they are because they have changed for the older individual. Yes, this can happen the other way around, but from my experience the older individual is less likely to be different 10 years from now. Many people who hook up young end up feeling that they missed out. Be sure you don't end up a statistic in this area.

3. Will the older individual respect the younger for their enthusiasm while loving and respecting their lack of life experience without expecting too much of them. Will the younger individual continue to grow in maturity and experience or will they tend to depend too much on the more experienced person. Equality can be a challenge to maintain when the age gap is this big. Youthfullness will fade, there better be more keeping the older individual interested than just the promise of a young body. Many older people eventually come to believe that the younger person cannot offer what they want in the long run, especially once the youth begins to fade.

The above points are only things to consider. Make sure you are going into the relationship with your eyes wide open and be prepared to adapt and compromise.

The younger individual is more likely to be the one that gets hurt, from my experience. Be aware, and enjoy the time you have together however long or short it might be. Expect things to work out. Optimism while being honest with yourselves can make things a lot easier if you insist that this is what you want, but if it doesn't work out in the long run, try not to carry regrets.

Answer 3

Woww !! They say age aint nothing but a number and it doesnt matter when your in LOVe but in your case I think it does.

The age is difference is too much, it would be different if you were maybe 24/25 and he was 35/37 because at that age your much more mature and you really know what you want, at 18 you just right out the oven and you really dont know what you want, but have fun and meet people. I know because i been there.. if you just want a fling or get the experience from this older male well go right ahead, but if you looking for something more, I dont think it will work out, he is much older than you and probaly knows what he wants.

i am 24 and still want to have fun and dont feel like being tied with anyone at the moment.

ur young enjoy life !!!

Answer 4

I think the fact that your only 18 is a bigger negative issue to me than the 20 year age gap. You shouldnt be anyones fiance at 18. I believe your too young to even consider marriage, much less to someone old enough to be your parent. Whatever happened to youth being able to enjoy youth and my goodness what the hell does a 37 year old sees in an 18 year young child?

Answer 5

You're sooooo young ... and I almost feel like you have so much more life to live before you get married without the issue being how old your fiance is.

I am married to a man 10 years old than I am and many thought it might not work. However we are still together and it's been almost 30 years now.

Before you take the walk down the aisle, please remember that although you may be quite mature at 18, your ideals, wants, thoughts, needs and opinions will undergo a major change in the next 10 years of your life. Your fiance at the age of 37 is most likely already settled in his life and isn't going to change all that much any more.

The issues that you could be dealing with will be come once the "honeymoon" is over! You may feel, (even if he isn't really doing so) that he's trying to control you or that he's acting like a father not a husband, he may seem to be less interested in the exciting things going on in your life, etc.. Be aware that many of these issue could arise due to the fact that you have so much more learning and changing to do in the next 10 years.

If your relationship is based on more than "love" you're in good shape. It would be best if the two of you were friends, confidants, partners as well as lovers.

I would imagine that at the age of 37 your fiance has probably been married before and brings some "baggage" into your relationship. Have you thought about how you're going to deal with his children and their problems (if he has children that is), his ex-wife and the fact that he would need to remain in touch with her for the sake of their children? There are a lot of potentially upsetting and emotional issues facing you.

If none of the above apply .... then you still should consider that by the time you are his age he will be almost 60 years old. Men at sixty are much more relaxed about their lives than a woman of 40. He may at that point not be interested in going out to parties or even dealing with all the problems of raising a family with you.

Please do yourself a favour and don't simply listen to your heart in this situation .... think carefully about your future and do what is BEST for you. You may even want to talk this over with your family and see what they feel on the subject. Just be careful that you don't take their opinions (should they not be what you WANT to hear) and create problems with your family members. After all, if things don't end up going well for you .... your family will be the people you want to have to fall back on.

I wish you lots of luck and success in your life .... and remember that life is ever changing .... not just yours but your fiance's as well. You may actually be fun and stimulating or exciting to him now but too much for him to handle as time goes by.

Live your life for the future, not just for the present! Hopefully you understand what I'm trying to express to you and aren't totally upset not hearing me say ... "Go for it!"

There is an old expression: My advise is worth what you paid for it!! ; )

All the best to you .... I hope you make the right decision for yourself!

Answer 6

I think you really need to question what you see in each other. Take your time, don't marry right away. Get your education. Be able to stand on your own two feet should things fall apart (that should be in any relationship!) If after all this, he's still by your side then great! If he runs for the hills as you seek your independence you'll see the true nature of the relationship.

Make sure the relationship is based on more than him seeking youth and you seeking a father figure.

Good luck :)

Answer 7

well, I am not one to talk because my hubby is 24 yrs older than I am and we have been happily married for 5 years, but I really think it depends on the age you begin and the maturity level you are both at.

What helped my hubby and I is that we both were single parents and our kids were only 3 yrs apart. So instead of him looking forward to retirement, we were both in the mindset of soccer games and PTA meetings. Having things in common other than music or food interests helps.

Also we each had been married before, so we knew what mistakes to avoid. I was 24 when we met.

I would say, just be careful and be wise about the whole situation. Seek advice from those who know you well. Good Luck and remember, it is better to have 5 good years with someone who loves you than to never have love at all. :)

Answer 8

Age is just a number, but do yourself a favor & live life a little bit before you make it permanent!
I met my BF when I was 18 and he was 41,... only now, after almost 9 years together are we considering marriage. I took my time, I went to college, worked, experienced life,... we're closer now because I've grown & matured, and gotten to know the good, bad & ugly of each other.
18,.. even if you are mature for your age, is still too young.
I would hold off until you finish college, or whatever schooling you choose to complete. You have to have the means to support yourself and potentially children should he change his mind about being married. Even if he swears up and down that it won't happen.. always be prepared for it. Good luck!

Answer 9

well, I am not one to talk because my hubby is 24 yrs older than I am and we have been happily married for 5 years, but I really think it depends on the age you begin and the maturity level you are both at.

What helped my hubby and I is that we both were single parents and our kids were only 3 yrs apart. So instead of him looking forward to retirement, we were both in the mindset of soccer games and PTA meetings. Having things in common other than music or food interests helps.

Also we each had been married before, so we knew what mistakes to avoid. I was 24 when we met.

I would say, just be careful and be wise about the whole situation. Seek advice from those who know you well. Good Luck and remember, it is better to have 5 good years with someone who loves you than to never have love at all. :)

Answer 10

If you really feel there is love there and you are ready to be married, I say CONGRADULATIONS. Age really doesn't matter. You are 18 so you are of age now and 37 really isn't that old. My husband and I are 8 years apart. (I'm 33, he's 41) and we fuss and argue but ALL couples do and I still love him with all my heart. I do not look at the age differance.

Answer 11

The most exciting relationship that I ever had was with a woman 17 years older than me. But it was some what short lived. If you are looking for the long term, if you want kids and don't start until you are mid to late 20's, pushing 50 is a bit much to be playing dad.