Do you think I should leave my husband?

Question

We've had problems in the past and i've left him twice. Things have gotten better but I am still not as happy as I think I could be. I see that he's trying but we're pretty incompatible. He calls me names on occasion, he'll tell me i'm crazy and stupid. He also doesn't trust me and calls me a lot to check up on me. If I leave, I will have to move away to be with family, quit my job, leave my house. Neither of us have a lot of money. Do you think I will be better off? Do you think I will be happier without him or should I stay with him and try to make things work? Like I say, he's gotten better but things still aren't great to me. Help, if I go, i'm leaving this week. I can't make up my mind, it hurts to think about leaving but at the same time I don't think I can live with him behavior. I'm torn.

I have no kids, he doesn't trust me because in the beginning of our marriage I cheated on him, but he cheated on me too even more than I did him. This was three years ago, i'm over it he's not, he still calls me at work four times a day to make sure i'm here. I haven't cheated on him since the beginning. I am always home right after work I do not even go to the grocery store alone. If I run out to get fast food for us, he calls me while i'm out and times how long i'm gone. We used to fight a lot and now we don't fight so much but I think we're both just sick of fighting so we avoid it. We just watch tv and don't talk to each other, which keeps us from fighting.

We have not tried counseling, but he will not go. He says that counselors are stupid, the don't know anything and they can't help you. He says that I have all the problems in the relationship and says he does nothing wrong.

Answer 1

Wow you pretty much told my story! Yes you should leave him. Honey I have been married for 10 years and 2 kids, and my hubby sounds so much like yours. I have just recently left my hubby and gave him one last chance to change. If I didnt have kids I would had left for good the first year of marriage. But I can honestly tell you it will NOT get better only worse. You will never be happy until you leave cause it doesnt sound like he is going do his part to make you happy. I on the other hand have found the strenght to put my foot down and tell him what I want and he has two choices to do it or lose me and his family. You have to find the strenght to stand up for YOURSELF and do want makes YOU happy. Its your life and life is too short to be unhappy. There is someone out there just for you that will treat you the way you want to be treated, like a princess. You just picked a bad apple! You learn from your mistakes and you will get stronger. Good luck !!

Answer 2

You say that you feel he is trying and I am not so sure you are trying. The whole issue seems to be Trust. He does not seem to trust you and you either trust him or do not care if he is cheating, you just said you are over it. The house, the job, the location should not be a factor in this at all. The question you need to ask yourself is this. Are you happy and is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? You can ask him a simple question and I think he will probably answer you honest. Ask him point blank, if he thinks he is ever going to be able to fully trust you again. I am betting he is going to say "no, not fully" or say "maybe in five or ten years" which is also a "no". If he does not trust you, he is not happy either and he sits and comes up with a million "where is she" or "who is she" doing type questions. If he can not trust you or will not trust you, the two of you need to call it quits, because he will eventually convince himself you are seeing someone and then he will do stupid stuff, like following you, putting cameras up at home, smelling your clothes and things tend to get ugly from there.

Answer 3

My recommendation, begin displaying him you help him in his trade. Tell him you could like to have his toddlers, and proper now you desire to paintings on making your courting more potent. Explain to him that your target is to conclude college and also you desire your kids to have each your concentration given that you understand what's like developing up with a well father who used to be very fingers on or a father who wasn't so fingers on and also you desire a joint attempt when you consider that its so rough at the present time to elevate kids. Then grasp a work of paper and exhibit him his hours and the way you each plan on making use of your hours and the way you each will move approximately elevating kids. My actual recommendation move to paintings for a couple of years when you graduate after which attempt to see if you'll paintings from dwelling or begin making ready him for the truth you are not the variety to stick dwelling and it is going to simply be whatever you check out. Staying dwelling with toddlers fairly is not for every person and you'll nonetheless carry well youngsters with daycare. Many operating mothers are fine and will do all of it. But it seems like your walking on empty and wager what I guess his feeling empty to. Funny how whilst your married you understand how the opposite partner feels given that you think and spot the equal. Don't stop you prefer this guy and his no longer a cheater he simply has his prioties all combined up and that is why your there to support him see that as his helper. It takes time however you simplest are living as soon as. Reconnect that is all and fall in love all over the place, and quit constructing a case towards him. His supplying so that you can move to college, what might be greater then a loyal guy who does that?

Answer 4

THIS IS A TOUGH ONE...WELL MY SUGGESTION TO YOU IS FIRST, DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM? SECOND, HAVE YA TRIED COUNSELING?THIRDLY, YOU SAID THAT HE HAS CHANGE AND THAT HE DON'T TRUST YOU RIGHT? WHY? DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM?IF YOU DID THEN I KNOW WERE HE IS COMING FROM AND HE IS HURT...IF NOT THEN HE IS INSECURE....I MEAN YOU LEFT TWICE AND CAME BACK..ARE THERE ANY CHILDREN INVOLVE? IF SO YOU NEED TO THINK OF THAT TO BUT IF YOU ARE REALLY MISERABLE THEN JUST LEAVE IN GOOD TERMS AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE NOT TURNING BACK....I DON'T THINK A WOMEN SHOULD PUT UP WITH ANY ABUSE MENTALLY OR PHYSICAL . SIT DOWN AND TAKE A PIECE OF PAPER AND JOT DOWN WHY YOU WANT TO STAY AND Y U WANT TO LEAVE..WEIGHT IT AND DECIDE BUT REMEMBER YOU TOOK A VOW THROUGH GOOD AND BAD....THREE STRIKES YOUR OUT...HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL. GOD BLESS YOU....PRAY AND ASK THE LORD TO GUIDE YOU AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS.....

Answer 5

If you have no children you are raising, you should leave because this is an endless cycle of hopes and disappointment. I hate to say that, divorce is too easy these days, but a long trail of problems just points to more problems down the road.

Answer 6

if things have gotten better don't you think that there is room for them to get more better if the two of you will just work at it. both of you have trust issues and you have both cheated on each other. you both have to start forgiving each other for the wrongs you have done and move on. divorce isn't always the first option.

Answer 7

well with out knowing the whole situation I can not say. but if you are unhappy. what do you think will make you happy. do you have kids to think about. calling you names is degrading but do you call them back. why doesn't he trust you. you ask for advice but give no information.

Answer 8

Relationship needs to be worked upon. Unless you're prepared to accept him for what he is and he accepts you for what you are, nothing will work. Divorces are often painful and expensive. However, you shouldn't subject yourself to pains and misery. Follow your heart.

Answer 9

do u really have to ask? it sounds like you've had enough. i think you will be much better off. anyone would be in you situation. you can make it on your own. find the strength to go. good luck.

Answer 10

Have you tried marriage counseling?