What do you do when your partner is depressed and doesn't like his job?

Question

My partner doesn't like his job. He doesn't like any desk-bound job, yet doesn't have the qualifications nor the money to pursue the job of his dreams. He is often times depressed because of this, and currently seeing a therapist. I try to suggest several solutions here and then, but they don't seem to be favored by him, as each of us brings in about 50% of the total household income. I feel stuck and don't know what else to suggest. I love him and he supports me, emotionally, a lot! I wish I can do something to help him out ... if you are/have been in a similar situation and have some solid advice to offer, then I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you!

Answer 1

I went through something similar to this with my now, ex-boyfriend. When I met him, he was in a low-paying, dead-end job that he didn't like. I supported and encouraged him to take the time, go back to school and pursue what he thought was the "job of his dreams". After 2 more years of college, and 2 years working his "dream job", he was back to being depressed, and not liking his new career. Before the schooling, he kept thinking "if I can fix my job situation, everything will be perfect in my life, and I won't be depressed anymore". Once he realized he hated his new career as well, he became even more depressed. His depression (and him not seeking help from a therapist) put a major strain on our relationship. We are no longer together after 10 years of being together. My advise to you, is recognize that HE has to want to make the change, to follow his heart, go back to school, get a better job, see the therapist, whatever it is that HE feels will make him happy and all you can do is support him. My experience has shown me that it wasn't just the bummer job that was making my boyfriend depressed. It was a number of other issues that only a professional therapist could help him with, not me. It's good that your partner is actively seeing someone, beyond your love and support, to help him work this out. Unfortuntely, my ex refused to see a therapist and our relationship really suffered for it. I couldn't support him any more if he wasn't going to make the effort to help himself. Hope this helps you. Good luck to you and your partner.

Answer 2

I have been through something similar with my boyfriend. About 2 years ago, he suddenly became very restless and dissatisfied with his job as a loan officer at a mortgage company, and started talking about just packing up and moving to Key West and just working at a jet-ski rental place or something. He acted dead serious about it, going so far as to research apartment prices in Key West and getting a monthly e-mail newsletter from their tourism board. It really scared me because I certainly didn't want to move to Florida, and he still seemed pretty gung-ho about going even without me, like for a few months at least. The thing that turned his attitude around and got him out of his depressed attitude toward work was giving himself a creative outlet. He has always wanted to be a writer, so over the course of 5 or 6 months while I was away at my second job in the evenings, he wrote a novel. Not only did it give him the creative release he obviously needed, but it made him very optimistic and hopeful that his day job may not necessarily always be the only thing he ever does with his life. Now he is much calmer because he at least feels like he has created something with meaning and value, and he's not just going to waste his life as a desk monkey. He is back to being super-successful at his job (which is also different by the way- he became an account manager at an amenities manufacturer), and he is no longer filled with that silent, almost palpable dread that he used to have about the future and getting stuck in a rut. So, my advice to you is, try to sit down with your partner and outline various hobbies and interests that he enjoys or would like to pursue, and then he can maybe turn those interests into a possible career change or side business. If education, or lack thereof, is the thing that's holding him back, maybe you could sit down with him and devise a plan for him to go back to school part-time or something. Good luck to you both- you can make it!!!!!

Answer 3

My husband is an accountant and struggled with depression...This may sound trite, but exercise really helped him... I know it doesn't help your partners' dreams, but it releases endorphines which help to make you happy and also is good if you are living a sedentary lifestyle...we are currently doing the Abs Diet and we love it...