my husband had phone sex with others, what should I do?

Question

I happened to see his msn record and knew he had phone sex with some girls, he didnt meet them in person, but he did it on the internet and on the phone. That happened when I was in another city. We have married for a couple of months, what should I do? is it cheating, should I divorce?

Answer 1

Honey its no cause for divorce, but confront him and let him know your aware of it, this is a secret , and there should never be secrets in any marriage. My husband did the same thing when we were first married and that was 29 years ago. I actually caught him red handed while on the phone. we disused it, I told him it really hurt me emotionally, he never did it again, I told him I was always willing partner when he needed to as he said get fixed, he & I grew up and now we make love. he also had porn magazines and found I was enough for him and threw them out. find out why he was doing that, he needs to also be honset and open with you, the key to a great marraige is also comuncation. be honest and respect one another.Things will work out if you remember that.

Answer 2

Hold on there. Don't make a rash decision. I am guessing, but I assume you had no idea of this desire of his. I will start there. Sexual fantasies run the gamut. I have defended those that cross the line into criminal. First, phone sex between consenting adults is not considered a criminal act. What is the real issue is how you feel about the action of your husband's desire. Personally I do not have this type of desire, but I do not judge those that do. We are all weird in own little ways. Look inside yourself and determine if this is too far outside your comfort zone and why. This is not a blame game. If you find this act and others are deceitful then you might have a problem on your hands. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Your husband might have been embarrassed to tell you about this action of desire he has been practicing for years. You might try being the person on the other end of the phone. Who knows, maybe you will like it too. Approach the situation without judgment and the solution will present itself.

http://www.predator-awareness.com

Answer 3

Wow, you have only been married for a couple of months and this is happening. This certainly doesnt bode well for the future. He may be having some trouble "Settling" into the marraige, but you need to set some boundaries with this guy right now, or you can expect a miserable marraige in the future. Confront him on his actions and tell him that this is not ok with him. Define what is ok with you and what is not. Most people that are married would not be cool with his hidden fantasy life and fantasy's if unchecked, have a way of becoming real...and will eventually lead to an actual physical affair.

Confront him, and see how he responds.

I think he deserves a chance to at least come clean.

Answer 4

This is something that started long before he met and married you so please don't take it personally. It is cheating as he is giving to other women what is yours alone.

I would tell him you know about it and that it hurt you as you feel sex should be between the two of you and that others should not be part of the relationship. By doing this with other women over the phone, or the internet, etc. . . , he is setting up your marriage for failure as he is letting his addiction to sex/porn control his life. This is something that will not stop until he realizes it hurts the relationship. Until then, he will continue to do these things. He already knows that they are "wrong" because he hides it from you (or attempted to hide it from you). That is indicative of an addiction.

Answer 5

Yes, this is a form of cheating. You need to confront your husband. If your man is doing this over the phone, the next step will be for him to meet them in person. Please sit down and have a talk with your husband. He is either addicted to sex, or he just has a problem. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 6

You should lay the hammer down and tell him you are not okay with that. A real man loves to be a leader, and provide a comfortable home for his girl. He needs to step to the plate and play the game straight. But - he might have fallen into a pattern, and he may try to continue behind your back. He should be an open book, and allow you access to email and his cell phone until trust is restored.

Answer 7

Being married for a couple of months and he's into phone sex? This is unacceptable. Have a one-on-one chat with him. If you're satisfied with his explanation, work on the relationship. If not, move on. You deserve someone better!

Answer 8

phone sex is o.k in my books my gf dose it to people that flirt with her on the web and i am fine about it as at the end of the day i know that she is faithfull to me and it is me she comes home to. Pluss look at it this way you cant catch nothing from phone sex so he is not realy cheating just talk to him tell him your concerns and let him know how you feel about it but dont make a big thing over it as he may take to the defence and it could case bigger problems.

Answer 9

I don't think it's technically cheating but certainly could lead to that and definately means there's 'something' going on. Confront him with the information and say that you don't like him doing that and want him to stop, also ask him why he did it. Ask him if there is a problem in your relationship that you're not aware of.

Answer 10

Have you confronted him about it? It may be that you have different definitions of cheating. Though, in my book, this is definitely NOT okay. Looking at porn is one thing, because those are just images, they aren't actual people. Actually talking to people is a lot more personal. I would talk to him about it and explain that his behavior is NOT okay and that something needs to be done about it if you want to stay happily married.