My husband wants me to let him go out drinking with friends on the weekends. He never lets me go do anything though and I am always stuck at home with the kids lonely and bored. And he used to cheat on me before when I let him go do stuff with his friends. But he says he won't cheat on me anymore. Should I trust him and take his word for it?
Should I let him do what he wants?
I cannot remember the last time I got to go anywhere by myself. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself because I always have a kid following me around.
And he thinks it is okay to drink and then drive home and not come home until literally 4 or 5 AM.
2007-03-26 03:16:48 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him he can go if he hires a baby sitter so you can go out and do your thang.
2007-03-26 03:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Although he may strongly believe that his cheating days are over, he will cheat again. If he goes out with his buddies and drinks, then you can rest assure that something will happen with him and someone of the oppisite sex. In my experience; "Once a cheater, always a cheater."
Yes I could be wrong about all this.
It is never okay for anyone to think that they can drink and drive. Yeah, I said it myself once; thinking that I honestly drove better when I drank. Fortunately, I never had a problem, or a DUI. But I did grow older. I did, finally see, what happens to people when they drink and drive. So I don't nor ever will again, drink and drive.
My soon to be ex, in our fourteen year marriage, had a total of four DWI's, while we were married, I let him go out on the weekends with his friends, and yes he would come home around five in the morning, sometimes later. But I did however, trust that he would not be with another woman. This was never a problem.
The times that I was lucky enough to get to go out with my friends, it was not without grief on his part. And not without guilt on my part for leaving my children with him, or a babysitter. I totally understand the part about not getting to go to the bathroom by yourself.
At this point, I would like to say, that if for one minute I would have thought that he would have cheated on me with another woman, he would have never had that freedom.
The reason we are not together now is not because of infidelity, but because his lack of responsibility towards his finances and family.
Tell him your true feelings, If he wont let you go out, then he can't either. It's only fair.
2007-03-26 03:33:58 · answer #2 · answered by summer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it would be great for him to go out one weekend with friends while you are with the kids. The next weekend you go out with girls while he babysits and the Third weekend you go out together and the Fourth weekend is family weekend. Now, the bottom line. You are headed for divorce. You both don't want to be a family anymore. You both don't want the responsiblity of children. Get into counciling. Life is hard when you have kids, but it part of life. If he cheated before , he will cheat again and you know that if he has the time.
Get help to save this marriage there are children. Life is just not one long party. Life is dull sometimes, but it is worth it in the end.
2007-03-26 03:23:37 · answer #3 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, my husband would never, ever do this. Maybe once every couple of months he goes for a drink with the guys after work, but that's it. My husband puts me and the family first, always. He says that is why he got married, that that is what he wanted! However, we don't "let" each other do anything; we each have our own minds and wants, but we totally respect one another. We don't ask permission, we may ask advice, of one another.
How you are feeling about being home with the kids is normal, but that's the price of being a mom. Being a wife and mom are the BEST things in life, whatever sacrifices one has to make are totally worth it.
You have to deal with hubby; you know him, chose to marry him and have babies with him.
2007-03-26 06:12:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage has a major trust issue. In concept the going out with buddies is a good thing. Men and women need this time with their pals. In your case you cannot trust him. So what do you do? Well, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone makes mistakes. If your husband made the mistake of having an affair and is genuinely remorseful, then don't keep beating that dead horse. Now if your husband is a psychopath, some info you gave indicates a chance of this, then you have a whole different animal. Review my website and if other bells ring I suggest you formulate a strategy to avoid future devastation. As for you, do not keep yourself isolated. You need time for yourself and girls stuff.
http://www.predator-awareness.com
2007-03-26 04:09:28 · answer #5 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well for your information once a guy cheats and gets away with it he will cheat again. So talk with him and tell him if he's going out you are too. Because a marriage is a two way street and it's not just about him. Tell him you need to go out by yourself and he take care of his kids and I bet he will throw a fit and tell you a woman belongs at home and not out messing around. So it's up to you to change the situation your in and talk with him and find out what you and him can agree to. because the way he's going how do you know where he is at when he comes in at 4 or 5 inthe morning. ALos if he's driving drunk what will happen when he gts stopped. He will call you and tell you to go get him out and you will. So think about how your life is going and see if it's worth it to be his salve and not his wife.
2007-03-26 03:23:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's healthy for married men and married women to spend time outside the home and with friends. Some people choose to spend this time drinking really, that's okay, but you must insist that you too get to have this sort of time to go out with your friends and do what you like to do. I have absolutely no problem with my partner going out drinking if he wants and expect the same kind of treatment from him. Of course, we will go out together too, but it's happened that he's had to work early or it was just a night out with my girlfriends. Trust your husband. If he ***** up again, that's his fault not your fault and not the fault of his going out with friends.
As for the time of night he's coming home, I don't know what time bars close in your area, but where I come from it's 2 am. I'd usually stay 'til closing time and come home at 2:30 - 3 am. Make sure he's taking a taxi and not your car! :)
2007-03-26 03:23:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have many more problems than just him wanting to go out on the weekends. He seems very controlling and you seem very passive. I would have a big problem with him going out with his friends if he says I can't do anything. And I would never ever allow my husband to tell me if I can or can't go out with my friends, especially when he does. If you continue to just let him do whatever, it will just get worse. He is completely taking advantage of you and the situation. Take the kids and get the hell out of there.
2007-03-26 04:26:26 · answer #8 · answered by NLH823 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I think it's time for you two to see a marriage counselor, especially with cheating in the past. He should be allowed to go out with the guys every once in a while; everyone needs their space. But, you should also be able to get away for a while and enjoy time solely with him, and without the kids. It seems like you're in a pickle right now with trust and time issues, so I think some professional help can help you two figure out where to go from here.
2007-03-26 03:23:53 · answer #9 · answered by Kavasa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. I would not live, or especially sleep, with that man again in my life, but that's me. I will not forgive adultery but you have the capacity to do that. I wouldn't believe him that he doesn't cheat. I could smell a woman on him too. And, you want the truth I presume, you are being Taken Big Time. No one could ever trap me like that, but that's me.
And I would tear him a new a**h*** right after I threw all his s**t out on the front lawn!! Do not think that I am joking.
2007-03-26 03:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by Dovey 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds very immature and self centered. He has learned to disrespect you and does not even take his past history of cheating into account. I feel you married a guy that was not ready for doing what marriage inquires, and that is committment. HIs desire to go out drinking with his friends shows a total lack of maturity, not only for driving while intoxicated but for you as his wife to expect him to be able to do this. But I feel you will not have any luck convincing him otherwise. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-26 03:33:59 · answer #11 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋