Would you leave your husband or try to make it work?

Question

Ive been married 2 years. 2 weeks after we got married i found a girls phone number who when i called said she had met him the day before & he was flirting with her. Then there wasn't another problem since i threatened to leave him, until Thankgiving day. He found his first love on myspace.com and they pretty much picked up a "friendship" calling each other and having 2-3 hour conversations, and emailing pictures of themselves , family, friends & body parts to each other. he lied & told me he was talking to her sister & her husband. They never had any physical contact because we live in different states. But should i ever trust him again? We have a 7 month old daughter together should i try to make it work for her or should i leave it alone, because once a cheater always a cheater?

I am 30 and he is 28, we're not that young

Answer 1

First remember that commitment is scary for young guys. It takes some of them longer to adjust to it than others. In short some of us take a lot longer to grow up. Don't think of this as a black and white, he loves me or he doesn't situation. That would be a mistake.

Be honest with him and tell him that this is bothering you and it is going to affect your marriage if it continues. Most of all stay calm and talk like a rational adult. Your daughters family depends on your ability to control your anger and act responsibly.

Tell him how this is making you feel. If it continues do what you feel you need to do.

love and blessings Don

Answer 2

Yes - once a cheater, always a cheater...but has he ever actually cheated?

However, that being said, it sounds like he doesn't respect you much. He should NOT be spending hours having conversations with his 'first love'. Also, I've seen that websites like myspace and 360 have the power to destroy or several damage relationships. Since he apparently can't control himself, suggest he delete his myspace page. My boyfriend actually did this a couple of weeks ago, but only because he found himself using that to procrastinate getting homework done and also, he realized that he was putting too much on my comment section that other people attached to my page didn't need to know (too many of my so-called friends love to create drama even where it seems none could be created - and one does it because 360 nearly ruined her marriage).

All in all, I'm going to guess that the two of you are rather young and have a lot of growing up to do. He needs to start by giving up the kid stuff like myspace.

Answer 3

30 and 28 is young, these days. It is astonishing to me how many of this type of story, this situation, has as an element, a new baby. It is like a guy has to show the world he is still a stud even though he is a new dad.

What you should do is tell him in plain language that you know these things, he is not fooling you, and you don't like it. No excuses. Tell him he has to stop it, right now. Never do anything again that is anything like this. And stick to it.

If this kind of thing continues or escalates, then you have to decide if you want to put up with it or make a change.

Answer 4

properly the solid ingredient is which you have found out you're in an abusive relationship and desire to depart. and you're able to no longer be embarrassed that your marriage failed because of fact the guy you married ended up no longer being a guy inspite of each little thing, reason there is not any excuse to abuse a woman. Your plan seems ok yet first i think of you're able to detect a place of the place you're going. seek for a role there till now you arrive so which you've got something set. seek for flats there so which you wont finally end up in a city the place lease is outrageous. Do your learn and have numbers and handle available till now you depart. %. some snack packs for you and your kiddo and have funds waiting handy for the line. merely understand the place you're going so which you've got a trip spot and have issues establish for once you get there. could you want any help i'm greater desirable than prepared to be there for you. i grew to become into as quickly as in an abusive relationship so i know how challenging this is. Please permit me understand if i will do something for you. God bless you!

Answer 5

I'm not telling you to leave.... That may not be the right thing. But you must deal with this situation. Otherwise, it will be like a splinter in your mind, continuing to bother you and adding to the disintegration of your marriage.

The gist of it is this.... Either he got married before he had gotten over some issues or he's just completely ignorant of what he is doing to you. (As a guy, I will tell you typically we are guilty of the second one quite a lot.)

You need to communicate to your husband that his behavior is hurting you. (Don't accuse and don't make it a matter of telling him "you're doing something wrong".) Express it something like this.... "Honey, I love you. But I don't like the idea of you having this kind of relationship with an old girlfriend, especially if it's the kind of relationship you feel you have to lie to me about." After all, if it really is an innocent friendship he shouldn't have to hide anything from you. If he's a good husband, he will also not want to put his "friendship" with this woman over his marriage to you.

If he does, that does say something for where he puts you in the heiarchy of his priorities. The answer to that also gives you a better idea of what you need to do for yours and your child's happiness.

Answer 6

You need to confront him about it. He may not think spending time with women on the computer is cheating. And actually it is. He is giving all of his emotions to another person when he should be giving it to his wife. Tell him how hurt you are by his actions and give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he can't be all the way there for you, that you don't just want bits and pieces of him. Trying to work it out before throwing in the towel is always best especially if there is children involved. And if it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried.

Answer 7

My first thought was..."Is it really only two times that he has had questionable behavior or are these the number of times you have caught him?" I think he could claim his conversations were innocent IF he was not emailing pictures of his "parts" and vice versa. Lying in my opinion is also a horrible offense. Lying says to someone, "I think you are so stupid that if I lie to you, you are too dumb to know it is not
true." So now not only is he unfaithful but he thinks so poorly of you he will lie to you. I have two daughters 3 & 5, I would never want a man like this to raise my girls. What kind of lesson about men and the way they should treat women is he teaching your baby girl? Remember, a little girls daddy is the one who teaches her how men are supposed to treat women and what these little girls should look for in a guy when dating. If he does not respect you she will be brought up thinking this is acceptable behavior in men and no big deal.

I think you can best answer the question for yourself by doing this: Pretend it was your daughter who posted the question, what would be your answer to her?

Answer 8

I've just spent 9 years of my life that has done those types of things all along. He's not a horrible person, but he's not a very respectful and loving one either. I have gained a very close bond with him after all of this time, but I feel as if I wasted 9 years of my youth on him as far as a relationship goes. Don't put up with that stuff. It will eventually tear you down mentally and will waste what short time you have here.

Answer 9

you well always ask this question .did you or did you not promise to stay married through good and bad times .wellllll .so many married people want to cut and run .tell him to stop the contact with his past as it is getting in the why of you two future .if he continues to have a relationship with this girl it well end up in the bedroom . he should not continua with this contact though he well see it as having to stop something he likes to do .again never ask yourself if you should leave ask yourself has he Left by his action then accept his leaving and move on if he has not then go no were

Answer 10

It appears that your husband is just a big flirt. If he hasn't actually done the deed with someone else then I'd say he's not exactly a cheater. But if you feel more comfortable, eliminate the temptation by deleting the myspace account.