I don't think my husband is this abusive monstor...but when I read this pamphlet on abuse, I said yes to all of the verbal abuse questions, yes to a few physical abuse questions, and if I had a rewind to many years back button...could have said yes to a few others....I have told him many times about the way he talks to me....he ends up apologizing, but the behavior repeats...we have been together for 6 years. Sometimes I feel like he is just immature and wasn't raised the same way I was....and is bad at communicatinig....
2007-03-26 03:09:10 · 23 answers · asked by ava g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he probably realizes it, he just doesn't want to admit it
2007-03-26 03:17:36 · answer #1 · answered by ladybug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well a guy is abusesive, verbaly and mentaly because he is a control freak he wants to control everything that you do and if you tell him off he will become defensive orwill try another way to get you off guard and start teh abuse again. To you it might sound just liek agueing or him just telling you stuff. But without the abuse life would go better.. Well the best thing to do is talk with him and let him know how you feel when he abuses you and tell him he needs to change. And quit making excuses for him. He is liek this because he wants to be and wont change not unless you talk to him and make him realize that what's he is doing is wrong. ANd you don't want to go thru it. Becausethis will one day lead to physical abuse if not stopped now and what excuse willl you make well he's tired, or he has been drinking, or he has all these stress at work. But you need to stop it now because it can be worse. So it's up to you. Need someone to chat with more just IM me or e-mail me anytime.
2007-03-26 10:18:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would have to say that there are a lot of men out there who don't realized just how bad some of their words hurt. I was in a relationship with a guy for 4 years. I told him everyday just how rude some of the things he said were and how they hurt. It had a little to do with the way he was raised but mostly it was just him. AND trust me there is no changing a guy like that. I ended up leaving him, the hardest thing I ever had to do. BUT now I am with a guy who tells me that I am beautiful all the time and that he loves me and treats me like a queen. I am telling you what, I would never go back to that guy in a million years knowing now just how well I can be treated. My current boyfriend is one of those fairytales that you wouldn't think could come true especially for you but trust me, you can do so much better than the guy you are with. There is at least one guy out their who you will mean the WORLD to, and that guy will make sure you know just how important and beautiful you are. That guy will change your aspects of men and your entire life.
2007-03-26 10:21:21 · answer #3 · answered by smash6385 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a line between being verbally abusive and being a bad communicator.
The abuse starts with the name calling and belittling , putting down your intellect and self worth.
Yelling and cussing are signs of poor communications skills.
People with goods skills realize that things are getting out of hand a take a step back to cool off and try to resolve the matter more calmly
2007-03-26 10:29:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key to the information you provided is he keeps repeating the same negative behavior. I hate to tell you this, but this will never change. Some people can never change this behavior. It is not his or your fault. This just is. What is missing is empathy. Empathy monitors our actions and keeps us from acting out in ways that hurt others. When you do not have this constraint you have NO appreciation of this. So you have repetitive hurtful behavior. When you explain to your husband and he understands that particular scenario, he does not have the ability to apply it similar situations. Only that particular factual one. That is why you feel he is repeating the same over and over. He does not know the difference. Check out my website and perhaps you can get some appreciate of him. Good luck with this. Take care of yourself, first and foremost!
http://www.predator-awareness.com
2007-03-26 11:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what are his parents like? sometimes we tend to live what we learn.
my boyfriend's mother is very controlling... her usual statements begin with "you should..." and "don't let him do this or that..." I ignore her; however in the beginning of the relationship with my boyfriend, "you should" flew out of his mouth on a daily basis. I ended up telling him he doesn't know what i should do, and if i want advice or help, i will ask for it. he got upset about it, and had to tell him this a few times, but he finally stopped.
i know this isn't quite the same as abuse, but i'm just relating a story because we do tend to live what we learn growing up.
sometimes people need to put others down to feel better... you can probably talk with him and ask him to listen to himself.. maybe this would prompt him to change his behavior and think before he opens his mouth?
you could consider marriage counseling, so he could learn more positive, nicer ways to express himself.
i hope it works out.
take care of YOU.
2007-03-26 10:20:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad at communicating? What does that mean? Help me out here. Communicate--smile.
Do you mean that he's disrespectful? See, here's the deal: going into a relationship... you have to set boundaries about how you expect to be treated, and if you let people get away with disrespecting you, it never gets any better. And once you are locked into a relationship like marriage, it's almost impossible to get your power (e.g. respect) back once you have given it away.
It's actually possible to train somebody to be abusive toward you. If they think they can get away with it (because they have, and you stay committed or... God forbid... marry them anyway), then they will continue.
2007-03-26 10:39:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had one like that along time ago,I made sure he new how he sounded because each time he spoke that way to I would repeat what he said in the same tone. He said he didn't speak to me in that tone and would get angry,so I changed it and bought a small recorder that was voice activated and recorded it,played it back to him at the end of the day. He stopped talking to me in that tone after he heard several recordings.
2007-03-26 10:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly suggest you read the book "Memory and Abuse" by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.
For 36 years I wonderd why I acted and felt the way I did. I was a mentally abused child and didn't even realize it. Its really an eye opening book.
2007-03-26 10:16:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should realize that there are aspects of anger that are NEVER normal. If you are being abused (based on your answers) and even suspect that this is happening, then you should certainly take the opportunity to discuss his actions with him. If he really wants to change, perhaps he can get help. However, if you are in danger, leave him.
2007-03-26 10:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by jeepguy_2x 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Seek counseling ASAP. Mental abuse can be so much worse than physical. The body heals the brain doesn't.
2007-03-26 10:13:49 · answer #11 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋