Need Intimacy help with wife? Women only please?

Question

I need help being intimate with my wife. We both want to make love but dont know who should start it off. We have no fore play and that makes it hard too cause were just laying there waiting for someone to do something. She says i need to make more of an effort and i know i do but i really dont know what she means by that. She said it doesnt mean to throw my self on her so i really dont know how to go on forward with this. I need some advice from women. I love my wife more than anything in this world so im willimg to do and try anything. Serious answers ony please

Answer 1

First of all... why are you scared? This is you're wife-- she chose you! You must be special, right? When it comes to making love and expressing feelings you can't be afraid of mistakes-- they're going to happen... it's part of the process of getting to know someone. And just because you're married doesn't mean there isn't stuff to learn.

So first things first-- relax! make sure your breathing (seriously) when we get anxious we tend to hold our breath and there's nothing better at killing "the mood" than anxiety... (as you know)
second-- intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Intimacy is a closeness that comes from having an open, honest relationship-- and physical intimacy can be something as simple as snuggling on the couch after dinner, a kiss on the neck when you get home from work. Really it sounds like THAT is what your wife is looking for-- little demonstrative signs that you love her and that you're glad to see her. I joke with my husband that if he were as happy to see me as the dog is when I come in the door we would never argue! :)

Intimacy, expressing your feelings can lead to feeling braver in the bedroom.... now all of things I talked about above-- they are reciprocal. Both people have to do them. I tell my husband I think he's a great father and a good provider for our family. I tell him he looks handsome before he leaves for work and I know it makes him feel loved and important to our family. Nothing would kill our sex life faster then if I nagged him all the time. And frankly if he never did the laundry or never asked me how my day was or take the kids so I could get a moment of peace-- I wouldn't be in the mood either. So you need to consider these things also. Sex in marriage is not something that exists separately from everything else-- if you consider that it's the physical manifestation of your relationship-- that means that at the end of the day when you get into bed you bring your day with you. Something to think about.

So you may have been wanting a play by play "How to" sorry if this is a disappointment-- when it comes to that stuff, Take your time, be gentle, and soft ( or not, ask you wife what feels good!) and don't be afraid to let your appetite for HER show through. Experiment! Have FUN! Buy Books, go to couples sex therapy... don't be ashamed of trying to make your marriage better. It's hard work, right? and you want it to work, right? I say try whatever you can-- and tell your wife you think you should do it because making your marriage the best it can be, is the most important thing you can think of fighting for... that 'll get her into bed ;)

Answer 2

It's really great of you to want help with this. You need to start by being affectionate during the day. Kiss her for no reason. Help her around the house. Hold hands. Give her neck a little massage. Anything that helps you feel connected.
As far as foreplay, just try this: take your time touching her! You don't have to move right into the "act." Kiss her from head to toe. Run your fingers all over her body.
For a while, you should probably make the first move. After you two work on things, she may suprise you and start being the aggressor now and then!
There are instructional videos that may help, but that would depend on your wife's feelings about pornography. They can be pretty useful if she would be open to watching them or ok with you watching them.
If all else fails, get some professional help. It may be embarassing, but it would be so worth it in the long run.
Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Women are more emotional about sex. Sometimes something simple like a back rub, doing the dishes or helping do tasks that you wouldnt normally do, can make a woman hot! Talk to her, flirt with her during the day or into the evening, and get the idea in her head.

Someone definitely needs to take the initiative though or you just wont be having any, and that would be a shame.

Does she like foreplay? What a silly question, everyone likes foreplay!

OK, well here is my suggestion... round the bases. Seems high school and silly but I actually tell my husband he is skipping bases if I need more than a "quickie". And you cannot round them backwards! lol

Start by kissing, then move to the chest and then into the pants and score a home run...

Answer 4

Easy one. You two are treating intimacy as an act and not an emotion. My suggestion is you change your attitude. Look at your wife with a different pair of glasses. It is in the little things so many miss the opportunity. Step back and take a good look. You were attracted to her for more than the physical. What she does for you is a gift. Appreciate that gift and give back. The intimacy will flow from there. It is not something you create. It is the result.

http://www.predator-awareness.com

Answer 5

Most Of the time I want my husband to be the one who initiates it, It's a two way street tho, once in a while I need to start it....start by sweet soft talk, get some KY massaging gel it helps too, kiss & lick her from ear to toe, yes I mean everything, all the stuff in between get you hands moving all over her, let your fingers do the walking, comunacation is the key ask her whats off limits and tell her the same. don't be a dead log, she shouldnt be one either! light a couple of candles first and if your both into wine get some. get the spark back into the bed room. explore each others bodies, but respect what she says is off limits dont force her and make her feel pressured. before you know it you'll both be in paridise, don't always make it a wham bam thank you mame either, take your time, and it doesnt always have to be about you. Sometimes just foreplay and stop is good too if your both just looking for a show of affection, theres always tomorrow.

Answer 6

Wow...I so understand what your going through. My husband and I have just celebrated our 11 th wedding anniversary. It can be so hard to keep the flame burning. I have always told my husband, Its not big things that I adore from him, its the small things.

Holding hands, A nice warm bath drawn for me when I'm sick, or a small love letter in my lunch, a poem written by him to me., or maybe even doing the dishes or a load of laundry every now and then...but the best is letting her sleep in on the weekend and awake her with one rose on her night stand or pillow.. With Summer right around the corner you really gotta try turning that T.V off and taking a blanket outside to lye there and stargaze together with a bottle of wine and some candles.

Just remember, intimacy does not always mean sex...especially to us (women)..By appreciating her everyday, the sex will definitely come naturally. When she feels needed wanted and desired , she will return the feeling to you.

Answer 7

Start out with a romantic dinner (whether you cook it for her, or take her out somewhere nice). Be sure to have a little wine; it never hurts.

When you get home, have some candles ready to light. Slowly undress her, kissing her neck, shoulders, arms, breasts... everywhere. Then, once you're on the bed, try teasing her a bit with a soft touch (or use a feather, tickler, whichever she prefers). By teasing I mean gently caress her inner thighs, but don't touch her privates. Act as though you're going to kiss her softly, but then pull away a little, making her beg for it. Pretty soon she'll get so hot and bothered, she will be telling you to make love to her.

It works for my husband and I hope it works for you too!

Answer 8

intimacy for a woman doesn't start in the bedroom ( if it does you have a huge problem) try starting to romance her outside of the bedroom. dinner, caring conversation, help with kids or housework (if that applies) all are a great way to be intimate before the bed. You can go on line and tell millions of strangers how much you love your wife... you should definitely be telling her these things. good luck.

Answer 9

you are husband and wife and your old enough to be able to sit down and speak openly if you don't then neither of you will ever know what you want. I know it might be hard at first but if you can make your time together better isn't it worth it? You love each other and you want to be with each other and make that the time the best it can be. And don't for get four play. Find out what she likes and perfect it and the same for her.
Good Luck.

Answer 10

Your wife wants you to make love to her. that entails more then just sex. romance her. get a movie you can both watch. not pornography just a nice romantic movie. pretty women was a nice romantic movie. get her in a receptive mood.

have a glass of wine or champagne. tell her through the movie how much you love her. touch her hair gently. touch her face gently. kiss her on the cheek gently. hold her hand. feel the moment your self. let things go naturally.

You must have been able to do this in the beginning. what changed things. maybe you should be thinking about that.