My freind is in love with a married man who has just had a baby with his wife ---- he has told my freind that he loves her and he will eventually leave his wife but obviously they have just had a baby so it isnt easy!!She nos that the situation is wrong and that she should back off and let them be but she really is in love with him and is hoping that he will end things between them so that it is more final than her making that decision.
She is hoping that now the baby has arrived he wont be able to leave his wife and baby and that they can sort things out at home and my freind will just have to deal with it!!
The question is can a baby make all the difference in an unhappy marraige??and can it bring a couple that are fallin apart back together?? x
2007-03-26 02:44:56 · 20 answers · asked by LISA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Believe you me, the "band aid baby" is a myth. I thought having our baby would make everything all right, but it didn't. I am now a single parent and my little girl's father wants
nothing to do with her.
Think about it this way; is a baby going to mend all the things that were wrong in the marriage? Is it going to put back all those feelings that have gone? Is it going to turn the clock back and take away any mistakes that have been made? No, no, and no. Babies put even more pressure on you because they rely on you for everything and they have to come first all the time.
That said, if your friend's lover was going to leave his wife, if it was really over between them and if he was so in love with your friend, then he would have left his wife before now. How many thousands of women the world over have heard this before? "I love you but it's complicated". It's a load of b*******.
Your friend should call time on this "relationship" and find herself someone who is genuinely in love with her, someone she can be with and who wants to be with her. No woman should have to play second fiddle. Your friend deserves to be treated better than this, and if her lover thought anything of her at all he wouldn't keep her hanging on.
2007-03-26 03:04:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that the couple with the baby had that bad a marriage. They were still sleeping together at least nine months ago. Your friend's lover just obviously had a bit of a crisis over becoming a father. He probably won't leave his wife to be with your friend.
Why isn't her decision final? She should just say 'I deserve a full time love, not the scraps you throw me.' and tell him not to even bother contacting her unless he does so as a free man. Then all your freind will have to worry about is being a step mum! Eek!
2007-03-26 10:33:00 · answer #2 · answered by Leapling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend should stay away from this man and have some respect for his wife, that has just had his baby. This man is immature and does not love your friend. He is just afraid of committment and is treating his wife terribly. Advise her to leave him alone and then maybe he will have a chance to become a better man for his wife and baby. If she continues the affair, he will only learn the hard way and everyone in the situation will end up hurt and with no one.
2007-03-26 09:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to suck it up and break it off. This disgusting pig is just going to keep stringing her along forever (or until his wife finds out). Even if he did leave his wife for her - which RARELY happens - why wouldn't he do the same thing to her?
And no, I doubt the baby will do much to save the marriage. It may keep them together, but it won't fix anything. I feel really sorry for that baby.
2007-03-26 09:51:00 · answer #4 · answered by Charles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been in this situation unfortuately, I was in love with a married man and I truely believe he had feelings for me, but I never disillusioned myself that he would leave his wife. I'm sorry as heartbreaking as it is your friend cannot compete with a wife and child and shouldn't even try, maybe he does love her and want to be with her but while shes letting him 'be' with her while he's with his wife he's just going to carry on having his cake and eat it!! She needs to back right off and give him the ultimatum and MEAN it, its your wife or me, if she stops contact it'll make him take a step back and decide what he really wants. If he chooses his wife it'll be heartbreaking but she'll have to deal with it and break off all contact as that wouldn't be fair on yiour friend or this mans wife. I've had to do it myself and it is truely heartbreaking but I have comfort in nowing I done the right thing as much as I'll always love him.
2007-03-26 10:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by Tina B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend she is crazy, for going with a married man. Doesn't she think he will cheat on her too!!!!!!!!! She is just as bad she knew he was married and is seeing him . So you have two cheaters together. They deserve each other and a life time on unhappiness and no trust!!!. What goes around comes around. The old line I am in a sexless marriage or I am so unhappy and people fall for this line of crab. It has been around for hundreds of years. Grow up and move on get with some one single. Leave the married jerk alone. You learn to go with only single guys. If they are unhappy in their marriage wait to the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Before you date them. Good thinks are worth waiting for, but if they are still married you are playing with a loaded gun. It is going to shoot you in the *********
2007-03-26 09:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Babies are never a good idea when two people are not getting on 100% although, does his wife know he is cheating you have to wonder? Does your friend honestly believe he is going to leave his wife? They are still having s*x. hence the baby. Why does your friend not end it with him and be the strong one?! Sounds to me like she is making the excuse that she wants him to end it.
2007-03-26 09:51:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she thinks that he'll leave his wife. marry her and be happy. I doubt it. If he does leave his wife and gets with your friend what makes her think he won't do the same to her. How many times has this man been married? Your friends need to find a new man one of her own!
2007-03-26 09:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From my experience, a baby that comes to a couple who is having troubles usually magnifies the troubles! It is very rare for a new little one to make a rocky marriage full of flowers, it can happen, it just doesn't usually happen.
Just a note...I am not saying a baby always makes trouble for a marriage, if you have a strong stable marriage a baby can bring lots and lots of joy to the marriage and can make it stronger!
2007-03-26 09:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by AdoptiveMama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like hes having his cake and eating it too. if he is so in love with your friend he shouldnt have got his wife pregnant. ur friend should not be interfering with a married man, even if he is having problems with his wife. if he can cheat on his wife, chances are, even if he leaves her to be with your friend he will probably cheat on her too. he will always have that connection to his wife, and could go back to her at any time.
if you are man enough to get married and have kids, you should be man enough to end the relationship before starting a new one.
the fact that your friend knows about his wife and child makes it worse, she should never have got involved.
2007-03-26 10:14:16 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs_W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋