Well I know I procrastinate a lot and I havent had a job for a year now.. and it kinda bugs him. But lastnight he BLEW up on me saying that hes giving me 2 weeks to find a job or he's leaving. He's been really distant with me the past few months (now that Ive thought about it) and lastnight he really hurt me by saying he loves me but hes not "in love" with me. I dont think he was being serious but when he woke up this morning he was still looking really annoyed with me. He kissed me and told me he loved me and all I could do was blubber like an idiot, sobbing my eyes out. Im not sure how to act toward him now that he's said that to me. Im going out to look for a job today, which isnt a big deal. Ive been wanting to have a job for a while but why is he being so mean all of the sudden?
I know Im a screw-up and I should have had a job but do I really deserve this treatment?
Should I try to cuddle with him and talk to him or should I keep my distance for awhile? Im not sure what 2 do
2007-03-26 02:39:25 · 21 answers · asked by Starlight*Angel 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh yeah and btw I know hes not cheating on me or anything. I know he still wants to be with me, Im just guessing he's giving me the "tough love" treatment. He wants me to help myself and get a job so we can have money and stuff. Which is a justified arguement but.. why was he being SO MEAN?
2007-03-26 02:43:28 · update #1
And Im not just sitting around making no money whatsoever.. I have an online shop that brings in on average 60 bucks a month. Plus I babysit for my sister and usually get paid around $100 a month, too. So its not like I make no money what-so-ever. Yes Im going to find a job and Im not making anymore excuses. Thanks to all of you who give me good advice. I love you all
2007-03-26 03:02:00 · update #2
never ever listen to flint rob ok?
hers whats up: in the past he probly told you in subtle ways ,made jokes or even helped you look at the dailies in search of a job ,but yo probly kept making excuses,now hes fed up.he needs to know that there is some form of support coming from you and thats why hes mad.the sense of responsibilty atteched to earning and income is great and you need to learn that.he obviously does and needs to respect you when you undertsand that and get a job too.he is fed up,dont push him away,by procastinanting again.
sit him down,hole his hands and look into his eyes.tell him how much you love him and how you will make every effor t to find one.and that youd appreciate his help too.then make love to him and get out there and FIND A JOB.........!!!!
2007-03-26 02:53:30 · answer #1 · answered by 9k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope I can help you a little here. But always be aware that even well intentioned advice about personal affairs can be very off base and wrong for your exact situation. My wife and I had a similar situation a few years ago and we happened to be in counseling about other 'problems' (but aren't all related) at the time. This appeared to be a 'final straw' type of situation to the counselor and it wa suggested that each of us should decide whether or not we really loved the other before doing anything else. We did decide, we did and do love one another and the remainder of life faded into the background. We found after that encounter that we could plan more effectively from that time on, and have, and are much the better off for it now. I hope you can do the same. Finding any job can be difficult as most of us know. BTW, I, a person that loves and craves physical contact with my partner. did not even want cuddling at the time. I felt too much pressure to provide and felt too let down by her to crave her attentions. (Just a male oriented insight there.) Good luck to both of you in this.
2007-03-26 02:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by Nightstalker1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know why he is being mean all of a sudden. Because your worthless for not having a job for that long. He kept his mouth shut for a year so now its all coming out. Yes you deserve this treatment. Sorry if this doesnt make you feel any better. You dont deserve anything but how you are treated until you get up, get out, and do something with yourself.
2007-03-26 02:47:07 · answer #3 · answered by BIGBOI 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult for the working significant other to not feel that an unemployed/ girlfriend/spouse is even trying to get a job. If he feels you aren't even trying to get a job, then he feels like your trying to live off of him, and have it easy while he works hard to take care of everything. He probably feels like you don't even care about how hard he's working, also. It's hard to feel "in-love" with someone, if you don't feel like they appreciate you, or the things you do.
It's also hard to be unemployed. It feels like nobody loves you and your worthless, because (as was in my case) you can't even get McDonald's to hire you. Try thinking of it as they just don't know what they are missing out on in not hiring you, because you would be an awesome employee.
As far as patching up with your boyfriend, I recommend 2 things:
1. Make sure you let him know how much you appreciate his patience and the extra hard work he's having to put in while your looking for work.
2. Try to get up every morning when he does and get ready, and leave the house. Go do something. (Not shopping and spending his money). Go to the library, go to the unemployment office, go to your mother's house, something outside of your house. It will help him feel more like you are actually trying to do something, if your not just sleeping in everyday and sitting/loafing around the house. You could try to take classes, to improve your "hirability", or work towards a career, so that you can pull your weight. (make sure you tell him that is your goal.)
And... try not to leave the place a pig sty. It's really ouchy for him if he has to work to support the two of you, and come home and clean up after you, too.
2007-03-26 04:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lady M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well every man that I know does not want a women who is dumb and lazy ! I'm sure you know that to ! A women with to much time on her hands they say seems to get in trouble . I think you should continue to look for a job and let him know he hurt your feelings by saying what he wanted from you so mean ! Tell him next time he has a problem with you to come to you sooner and don't wait till he blows up !!! I think you should continue to help him feel better about how he feels . you should cuddle him and tell him you will do your best to find a job ! You should be out right now looking ! Go to WALMART they hire all the time . GOOD LUCK !!!
2007-03-26 02:48:15 · answer #5 · answered by Me777 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
he may be annoyed but he said that he is not in love with you. if he is not in love with you, then the relationship will not be the same anymore. there is going to be a problem now, he may be talking to another women that is indepedents and works two jobs, that is a turn on to him. he may have lost interest in you because he works and you dont. you need to talk to him and find out if he is really out of love with you, if he is that it is time to go before you really get hurt.
2007-03-26 02:48:23 · answer #6 · answered by soto_a81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just let frustration with your not having a job build up rather than talk to you about it and finally let loose. If he's never done this kind of thing before, he probably just had some problems expressing himself before (maybe he didn't want to hurt your feelings) and it finally got to him. It seems like you feel like you have been kinda lazy - maybe he feels taken advantage of.
I wouldn't just cuddle up to him and blow it off, because this kind of thing will only happen again. You should talk to him when you both are feeling a little better about things and let him know it's ok to talk with you rather than letting things build up like that. If that's not ok with you, you are too immature to be in a relationship.
2007-03-26 02:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by Charles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you do any of that find a job... you know.... Its annoying when you do all the work while the other person chills at home all day. Wait tables if you have to but get a job after that then things should tend to smooth themselves out.
2007-03-26 02:44:55 · answer #8 · answered by Bleed the Freak 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe all he needs is to see that you are trying to find a job.
So go out there and give it your best. Be positive.
Even if you don't get the first job that you apply for don't
give up. Good Luck!
2007-03-26 02:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by chmar11 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you knew all along that your not having a job bothered him and did nothing to get one then you created the mess. You've used him. You've disrespected him. He is probably tired of supporting you. You deserve this treatment.
The only way to fix it is to get a job and prove to him you are willing to contribute. But if he leaves you regardless, at least you will be able to take care of yourself financially.
2007-03-26 02:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by I_hope_I_know 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋