I have been married to this woman for 15 years now, but i believe she don't understand me not to talk of satisfying my needs when necessary. Even though i love her very much and i am not thinking of having a divorce.
2007-03-24 23:52:17 · 8 answers · asked by john izu apologised sincerely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
COMMUNICATION !!!
2007-03-24 23:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by sentrysharpshooter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wish am the one you have married!!
back to you.. have you tried to do some self assessment? Sometimes we are blinded by our own behaviour.. that we are actually contributing on why & how people treat us. Just maybe there is a habit of you that she's not happy about therefore not reciprocating the way you wish she would. Number of years being married to each other is not a reason to feel oblige in doing good to a spouse (just bcuz you've been married too long doesnt mean you have a happy & fulfilling marriage) and certainly by saying now that it seems she does not understand you reflects that there was & there is a problem between you which both needs some clarification. What has happened in the last 15 years? Has it always been like this? or anything happened recently that may have caused the rift? Both should ask yourselves if anyone had shortcomings and then work on improving them. Do not waste anymore of your 15 years together & do not stay together just to fill up the years and not enjoying each moment of it, otherwise, happiness outside the marriage is an option if this will both give you peace of mind. Better end up as friends than enemies.
2007-03-25 01:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you satisfy her needs? Or even know what her needs are? Many people who have been married for more than a few years fall into this rut. If you have spent any time at all reading the posts in this section you will see over and over - my wife doesn't understand my sexual needs, I don't get sex enough, she doesn't have any interest in sex, wife has low/no sex drive, should I cheat just for sex, etc. Very few men understand what a woman goes through on a daily basis that can affect her sex drive. Very few women understand how important sex and instant gratification is to a man. A compromise and some sort of understanding needs to come about - the institution of marriage is suffering horribly. What we are teaching our children is even worse. Roles have changed too fast; the media constantly pushing instant gratification hasn't helped either. (Kind of makes you think the amish have the right idea . . . )
If you feel she doesn't understand you than you need to work out a plan to help her understand. But you also have to be open to doing the same for her - she may feel you don't understand her either. Try reading a book by Gary Chapman called 'The Five Love Languages'. That book could have saved many a marriage if it were read prior to making the marital commitment and was re-read during times of marital strife.
Look at what is happening all over - the media and the majority of the people on this board give you advice for leaving or ending things rather than working through them, recommitting, and learning how to be happy with what you've got. Think back to when you were a kid - what were marriages like back then? Roles were defined and men didn't whine over 'not getting any'. Divorce was rarely the answer - and often people were happy together because they believed in the institution of marriage. Affairs were usually discreet and rarely resulted in men leaving their families. Divorce was frowned upon. Now it's not only common but pretty much expected. And our children suffer as will their children. And is it worth it? Not usually.
My advice to you . . . see a counselor (a family-oriented counselor, not one of those idiots who just tells you to do whatever makes you happy and to follow your heart, leave your wife, etc.). After a couple of sessions, include your wife. Start repairing the foundation that your marriage was originally built on. You will find that the two of you will most likely rediscover one another during the repair work and your marriage will be more rewarding than you could have ever imagined. Start living your life as though every day will be your last and you want to do nothing more than let your wife know how much you love her. Let her know that you are doing this to revive your marriage - don't just leave her in the dark or she will think you are guilty of something and just trying to make up for it, lol (you can thank all of the trash magazines and the media for teaching us women to think like this).
Good luck - I applaud you for not thinking of divorce as the answer.
2007-03-25 05:35:24 · answer #3 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to seek marriage counseling here to try to understand each other. Why does she not understand you? Do you sit down and tell her what you want and how you feel about things so she will understand you where you are coming from? Do you first satisfy her needs and make her happy before asking her to satisfy you and take care of yours? This goes both ways you know.
2007-03-25 00:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does this mean - satisfy your needs. I hear this all the time and wonder what in the world does that mean. A life partner does not mean satisfy all the needs of the other. Perhaps your needs are not being satisfied because you don't know what they are yourself. Take a look at what you are doing for your partner. Their gift to you arises from love and not demand. Change your attitude and change your life.
http://www.predator-awareness.com/
2007-03-25 02:41:05 · answer #5 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometime we all need a reminder of why we fell in love to begin with. between work, kids, friends, family. that leaves very little time to focus on eachouther. If its at all possible, It really sounds like the two of you need a weekend away from all of the distractions of life.
good luck, dont loose sight of what is important. your best friends for life.
2007-03-25 00:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by eightieschick70 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you love your wife very much my situation is same like yours the difference is you are a male and i am a female married for 10yrs have problems with husband
and here in my country if the male is in bad temperament then its the female who has to adjust to him and not the male so try to solve together and as far as possible try to save the marriage i know it is difficult but one can try for the best
2007-03-24 23:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by honey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be having problems of her own. Just keep trying if u love her,and things will work out. Try a little romance women love it , and try to make her feel special that might help her to open up a little.
2007-03-25 00:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋