My boyfriend has become distant with me. He has been like this since he hasn't got his promotion at work. He works full-time and he is now looking for a new job as he is unhappy with his current one. He goes to interviews almost every week, he even went to interview near my city. He has been quite stressed about all this and he told me last weekend he is fed up of loosing as he has had some negative replies from his interviewers. I took his distnacing personally and have been questioning him, worried he has lost interest in me. He was trying to explain that it's all due to his job stress but I still became very needy and accusatory. He pulled away even more and became angry with me. He said I am loosing him this way as I don't support him. I don't know what to do as he is now even more distant with me than before. I asked him to meet but he says he is not sure now. Please help, I love him very much but I am worried I am loosing him.
2007-03-24 22:58:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i know you love him but he sounds like a very selfish person,we all have problems and stress in our life but we dont take it out on the ones were supposed to be in love with,the way you describe him sounds like the relationship is already over even though he hasnt admitted it,if he truely wanted to be with you then he would say,i know its not what you wanted to hear but then at least you can try and move on and find someone that appreciates you for the loving and tremendos person that you are sweetie,good luck with whatever you decide.x
2007-03-24 23:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by lainaloo 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You know....there is no right or wrong way of approaching this situation, each and everyone of those answers are right, the way I see this is quite simple, you are not compatible (probably) I say this because, at the moment you are a little insecure and feeling more vulnerable when you feel his distance when trying to connect with him. At the same time he is ...yes! being selfish, but not in a negative way...this is a guy who has been completely stressed out with work and feels that at this moment in time the only thing that matters to him right now is to find himself that right job...it could be that he is just one of those guys who simply, without realising it, disconnects on that emotional level when it comes to relationships...again, that is not necessarily a bad thing..it could simply be that this is his emotional make up unfortunately..... and this is not a dig at you!...i'm sure that you are a wonderful person but, a little too vulnerable emotionally, to understand this kind of guy....if you could give him the space without the pressures and focus on what is going on more in your life, believe me he could quite easily respond back to you more positively, in his own time.
what is that saying like a bird in a cage "if you truly love him set him free...." you watch that bird return surprisingly.
I hope that makes sense...
2007-03-25 08:24:00 · answer #2 · answered by angelina jolie2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not handling his stressful situation very good at the moment, help him all you can without putting too many demands on him, but when he gets sorted if he still keeps acting like this then I would finish the relationship as he cannot handle stress and your life will be hell with him. Good luck
2007-03-25 10:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never underestimate your own ability to either feed or destroy your man's sense of self worth and ego. Right now he's going through a difficult time (feeling like a loser and fighting hard to change that image). That's the root of his problem right now.
For those answerers who are declaring him 'selfish'... they are remarkably ignorant of how men work and think. Men derive a lot of their self worth from their ability to provide, and right now he doesn't feel like he's succeeding. He's not buckling under but he's going through a rough time and you have *huge* power to help get him through this.
Please don't suddenly start picking his clothes for interviews and start 'helping' him out, as one answerer suggested. Your intentions may be good, but he'll read this as you not believing in him and his own ability to do this, and it will come off as very patronizing and suffocating... he will actually likely lash out at you if you take this approach as on a deep level it is like telling him 'You poor thing, I know you can never succeed on your own because you're such a loser that I have to step in and ride your shoulder to make sure it's all done right'.
Whether he succeeds in this particular business venture is irrelevant, what he needs is for you to let him know that ultimately he's a winner, that you totally believe he'll succeed, that he's your hero, that you know that even if times are tough he'll pull you both through it. Treat him like a hero and watch him start to perform like one. And by raising his ego and his perception of your belief in him you'll be helping him in so many more ways than just his business life. You can actually see your relationship strengthen and deepen if you take the right approach here.
He does need you, but he absolutely *does not* need you to make him feel guilty or ashamed that he isn't doing enough for you at this difficult time. Let him know you believe in him and that you stand behind him, do not nag, whine or belittle him, and you'll both pull through just fine... actually better than fine.
Women have huge power in relationships when they choose to exercise it. Unfortunately most women take a negative or selfish approach (nagging, guilt trips) and actually sabotage their relationships.
2007-03-25 06:59:07 · answer #4 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey look, i know what ur going thru i just went thru it we broke up aprt of it is from that but alot of other thing's he has done to me he has cheated and everything i'm pretty damn sure anyway's. sit back and relax he needs his space, just be there if he needs to talk or whatever he needs, don't push him and question him alot. guy's can not handle stress like us women can. they blow to easy. just respect his wishes call him and tell him that u are sorry and that u love him and that u did push him and ur sorry and sorry for questioning him, gurl look it's that he doesn't love u this is just the way guy's really are. u have to be easy with them. when they are like ask what u can do to help no questions no pushing sit back and relax but tell him if he needs to talk or anything to tell u. but let him come back to you. tell him that you will alway's be there for him no matter what happens. ask him to forgive you. that's the main importiant, even if u didn't do anything wrong u have to ask him to forgive u that's the way guy's work. just tell him that u are also stressed to. if u need someone one to talk to im me or e-mail. if u need a friend i'm here u can trust me. good luck sign baby gurl....
2007-03-25 07:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by nellys_gurl_2009 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you reconnect with him by becoming involved with his job hunt. Do some research on job interview tips, print them out and share with him. Help pick out his clothes for the interview. Help him do online research looking for good job opportunities rather than spending time here. Sounds like you know what is going on in his head, why don't you quit being so needy and start giving to him in his time of distress?
2007-03-25 06:18:38 · answer #6 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
lisn hun.... i dont agree with half of the people that have given answers and do not take their advise on u leaving him and him being selfish and might be cheating on you!!!...not to sound rude or nothing but its you whose being selfish...not him. read what you have written again and this time think of yourself in his shoes. hes stressed, due to negative replies hes lost his confidence. he is in need of support and courage which is something you aint providing. relationships are about give and take. to share happiness aswel as sorrow.
i was away from my boyfriend for 7 months, we spoke over the net when it was possible because he was to busy. he was going throught the same thing as your boyfriend. hun.. i supported him all the way, i gave him courage, i had to use words to comfort him, and because i was there for him i got sooo much love when i came back, when you read this it dont seem like i did much but to him i did alot which he kept on thanking me for and his love for me grew alot more. i helped him not to give up...just by a few words..
your there with your boyfriend, when was the last time you gave him a hug and said "everything will be okay, dont worry, am ere 4 u" when was the last time you showed him you care? hun you made him feel guilty about something that he didnt do. i say go upto him, apologize, make him realize that you are really there for him and will be there through evrything. YOU phone him, find out if hes okay, if he needs anything, if theres anything you could do for him...etc.....
hun love isnt selfish, dont make it look like it is. when we love someone we consider them as our own... we share our sorrow, pain, anger happiness, joy everything. thats something you can only do with someone your in love with, not with an outsider. and if u consider him as your own then you shouldnt take anything he said out of anger to heart. and i dnt blame him for gettin frustrated because thats the last thing he needs, having someone making his life more complicated than it already is...thats something that puts guys off...if you dont want to lose him and you really do love him i suggest you act fast......good luck and hope evrything works out...
2007-03-29 01:14:07 · answer #7 · answered by ghetto_soldierez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already lost him you are like a leech. You should be supportive of him instead of thinking only of yourself at this stressful time in his career change.
2007-03-25 06:24:13 · answer #8 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont be offended but your bf doesnt love you anymore...he's selfish....so start to forget him though you love him that much...maybe he's not your "MR. RIGHT".
as much as i know, when you loved someone no matter how you busy,your always available or find time for your partner.....
2007-03-25 06:14:36 · answer #9 · answered by habibi 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋