What do so many people crave and 'need' romantic love?

Question

Oh, this is a bit hard for me to ask… But, here it goes.

I am only just becoming a teenager, and I can’t… bring myself to understand this aspect of life.

I have read almost everything I can find on the subject of love. I know a lot concerning the chemicals that release to make one feel as though they would fall apart without their loved one, feel invincible or absurdly happy, and even feel as though they could die for him or her. And I understand that part, but… I can’t grasp what my mother says…

My mother has been telling me as long as I can remember that someday I will fall in love, and only then will I finally ‘get the picture’, and that having someone to love romantically is ‘the only way to be truly happy.’ But, I have been described by some as ‘emotionally inept’ and… well, incapable of loving anyone ‘that way’.

And, well, perhaps the question I have posed is not the one I want to know the answer to. Maybe... Can anyone be ‘truly happy’ without romantic love?

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean 'Why'. Heh, grammer and spelling freak. I just can't let that stand. Again, I'm sorry. I sould have caught that.

Answer 1

Oh, you can certainly be happy without romantic love. Different people have different aspirations in life. Different cravings. Different desires. Yes, it does appear that the number one thing on most peoples mind is falling in love. It also is common that falling in love changes peoples lives the most. To most people it is "The" most important thing.

The question you're asking I believe is a different one. You read up on the subject of love. You study it, like some foreign language. You're intrigued by the concept, and it's obvious that you have a high level of intellegence, perhaps a highly analytical mind, by the way that you write.

I would guess, that you don't feel romantically inclined toward people. I would guess, that your question is....can you be happy without it, and if not, what's wrong with you that you don't desire it like other people seem to?

The answer is: Don't worry. You will either develope the feelings and emotions that you study so hard to learn about, or you will not, and if you do not, you will find other passions in life, obviously.

Firstly, the chemicals and all that blah blah jazz that you've been reading about function differently in different people. You may not be old enough yet.

Secondly, some people are not prone to romantic relationships. It's very rare. A lot of times these people are Sociopathic, which isn't as negative as it might at first sound, but it is a certain classification of personality, and sociopaths may have great friendships and relationships with families, but simply never romantically involve themselves with anyone. They may even have intimate relationships, with little romantic involvement.

I say this because you mention "Emotionally inept", which is a term used to describe sociopathic people. You may be one. That's not an insult. It's just an observation. Knowing that you are, if you are, will do nothing but better you, and better let you analyze yourself, and figure out, if not love, then what IT is that will make you happy.

If you want to talk, send me a message. I'm actually a little intrigued by what you're describing. Be happy to talk to you one on one, maybe help you figure some things out, and educate myself as well. My email and yahoo messenger are in my profile.

Answer 2

STOP reading the opinions here... and do not continue to seek medical advice here as well. These are the opinions of well meaning yet untrained people.
First, it is very possible to be happy and lead a satidfying life without romantic love. More importantly, at your age of course you cant grasp the concept. Your brain is still in a phase of 'neural pruning' and your frontal lobes haven't even finished growing. No amount of reading or explanation can help you understand such an abstract concept as this. It's like expecting a 3 year old to understand calculus; they just dont have the ability to grasp the concept.
Right now you are in a stage of maturity known as ' identity vs identity confusion' where you will experience things that allow you to develop a sense of 'self' . You will discover what you like and dislike, admire, respect, find disgusting, want to learn, what interests you, your priorities etc. This stage gives you a clear sense of who you are and how you fit into society. The next stage of maturation is called 'Intimacy vs Isolation' where you will consider becoming intimate with people you find compatable.
So please stop worrying about this; there's nothing you can do about it yet anyway.
I'm sooo proud of/impressed by you!! So many people don't even wonder about these things. They are the people that just have kids and mess that all up.Thats because they went into the intimacy stage and found a partner before they understood your stage of finding out who they are as a person. This leads to a high rate of divorce because they married a person who hadn't discovered what they wanted/needed from a relationship. Email me if you need any more help. This is what I do as a living. Be well...

Answer 3

It is possible for some people to be happy without being in love. There are people who are totally dedicated to their life's work and don't even have the time and energy it takes to be a good husband or wife. These people, though, are the exception to the rule. Most of us want someone with whom we can share our lives and who will be there when we need them. And some people will settle for anyone just so they don't have to be alone. Some people expect that knight in shining armor and spend their lives waiting to be rescued from their solitude. Does that make sense so far?

The first thing you need to do is to love yourself. If you don't love and respect yourself, you won't feel very lovable, and that pushes people away who otherwise might be attracted to you. So decide now to be the best person you can be. Grow intellectually, mentally and spiritually. Set your sights on a career that will make you feel like you're making a contribution to society and work towards that. Plan on becoming independent financially and emotionally. Learn to enjoy time to yourself.

Love will happen to you somewhere along the way if you want it to. You have plenty of time and opportunity. And your mother's right. You're a little too young to be worrying about all this too much. Just enjoy your young years. Get involved. Volunteer for community projects. Have fun with your friends. Take life as it comes.

Answer 4

First things first. You're way to young to be concerned about love. You're not even close to being mature emotionally so don't judge yourself yet. Have fun, date people if you want to, but don't even use the word love until you're 21! Seriously. There are many different levels of love and it'll take you a while to recognize them. Save yourself a lot of heartache and don't overestimate the importance of teenage relationships. Most of us have been in love, several times, before graduating high school and didn't end up marrying any of them! Give yourself time to grow up and don't worry about falling in love or jumping in bed with someone. To answer your primary question, you can be happy without being head over heel in love with someone, but life IS better when you have that great love in your life. Good luck, be smart, and have fun.

Answer 5

One of the reasons, I think, is concerned with the mass media and the Internet, especially chick lit novels, romantic films, and possibly chatting via the Internet. I agree with your mother since our parents have long seen the world and adults in general have had known such love directly or indirectly. Therefore, it is wise to listen and better focus on your future by means of academic achievement and related profession. Again, there is no ready-made formula for such love, some say it is a matter of luck like winning a lottery prize regarding such love with a happy ending. Take care.

Answer 6

well , we sound the same ,although im 27 and have been married for 9 years, i do not need or crave romantic love, i dont need this to know that my husband loves me , i cant stand touchy feelly crap, i dont cry in sad movies, and i dont need to be told that im loved every single day, i have also been told the same thing that i have no emotions, cold hearted, but i am completly different with my children, i love there affection and kisses and cuddles, and they know that they are extremely loved,and i would bend over backwards for them to not be the way i am,and i tell them i love them at least 10 times a day, maybe it was the way i was bought up, My father walked out when i was 4 and i have had no male role model in my life since, i have never seen a seious loving relationship as my mother was single or a long time and when she did finally get a boyfriend i moved out shortly after, and that hasnt been a happy relationship, ive been out of home since i was 12, my grandfather used to bash up my grandmother, so that was not a loving relationship, and my first serious relationship ended badly as he used to hit me. so i have never needed affection from a male, my husband understands this and he is supportive, and he trys like hell to convert me into a cuddly person, and i love him for it, but i jist dont need it, so i think you can love somone with all your heart, but still not need that romantic love!!!!, id be interested to know if you have a father or any male role models in your life... good luck

Answer 7

yes, you can be truly happy without romantic love. there are people who actually go through their entire lives without finding romantic love. people crave and need romantic love b/c it is their physical or emotional desire - but if you have no desire, dont force it if it's not there. there are plenty of other thing sthat can make you happy in life, and you can find non-romantic love too that can make you just as happy.

Answer 8

Romantic love is a Hollywood feint. Everybody who doesn't pay for sex calls it romance. It's cheap, easy, and best stolen. People lose all semblance of sanity when it comes to having their ashes hauled. Be careful with any kind of sex, and anykind of relationship with the opposite gender. They'll do anything to bed a young woman like yourself. Be careful

Answer 9

my guess is no all i think about is girls and how i wish i had girls and how i want them all the time. youll prolly get those feelings in a year or two. for me girls is like a third of life itself.

Answer 10

It is an instinctual human need and it won't go away. I've tried to make it go away, but it won't.