My future mother in law is completely unstable. What do I do?

Question

She's lived a spoiled life and her current job consists of talking a bunch and emailing, she makes $6000/month doing it. She smokes pot every day to self medicate her depression & anger even when her youngest kid is in the house. She's a childish new age hippy who believes disease is caused by hate. Compulsive liar that has to rationalize everything she does wrong and doesn't own up. Lies about small & big things. Her emotions are all over the place. When stressed she just yells at whoever is closest about the smallest thing, not just yell but a complete freak out. I feel like she lives in a fantasy world.

The part that bugs me the most is that my fiance defends her. He admits that he sees all the faults and how much it makes people around her unhappy. He complains about her alot but yells at me if I say something.

I want to get along with & like her. What can I do to be more accepting and ignore the bad stuff? How do I not offend my fiance?

Answer 1

Well she will always be his mother, and even though the childern usully know there is problems, subconsiously they still feel that they answer to the parents and not the other way arround. Also usually they feel that noone should talk bad about their parents except them...even their wives.

You only have to love him, not her, actually you don't even need to like her if your love for him is strong enough. But he needs to understand that to, and love you just as much if not more.

Answer 2

Run, do not walk, out of this relationship while you have time. Let your future hubby deal with his mom his own way and until he comes to that conclusion there won't be any relationship between the two of you, she'll always be there.

The pot alone and the amount she smokes should start the alarms going for you, she's an addict and will be until he gets her to a treatment center and gets her cured, that's her biggest problem. How she makes 6 grand a month is beyond me, if your right, with a staggering pot problem like you say she has, she sounds paranoid either from pot or from something else.

Answer 3

Sorry but that's his mother and he loves her and until you love her too you're not allowed to complain about her. He can't allow himself to agree with you because that would be like siding against her.

How much do you have to be around her? Try to avoid her, don't make it obvious. You're lucky, if she really is that bad you've found out early and now you can begin to wean your husband from his mother.

If you truly want to like her, look for her good traits. At least you should know that she will defend her grandchildren someday.

Once you find something you like about her other qualities will flow from that. She does sound like the type of person that could be annoying to be around all of the time but also the type that could be a lot of fun in small doses.

Answer 4

Your fiance loves his mother......warts and all. I guess the only thing you can do is stop judging her and just accept that this is the way she is. Is she hurting your relationship by her lifestyle?...or is she just not the picture you have of what an ideal mother in law should be.

Maybe the best you can do is to just listen to him and dont take any of it onboard....sure, hes frustrated with his mother, but he loves her heaps....you will never change that. Just accept the fact that his mother is not perfect, but your fiance loves her, so you have to find a way to accept this or else you will run the risk of losing him. Stop judging, just love your soon to be husband. If his mother is too much for you to take, then I would seriously be thinking of finding another man who's mother fits the mold you expect a mother in law to be.

Good luck

Answer 5

This doesn't sound good. Stop saying anything bad about her; this doesn't mean that you have to put up with her abusing you. Make sure that your fiance does not allow this. This woman sounds very unstable. Don't let her suck you into her fantasy world. Just be polite but avoid her when you can.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Wow! You are actually asking the wrong question! Why in the world would you want to marry a man raised in that environment by that kind of woman, who defends and obviously thinks how she is is fine? That would scare me off...

Answer 7

Dear, this is not a situation that you are equipped to resolve. It is the way they are, and your discomfort with the situation is not going to effect change.

I would like to point out one thing. "He complains about her a lot but YELLS at me if I say something."

Your man is his mother. Plan on living their lifestyle if you remain in the relationship. Learn to love it or leave him.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like she is a hard worker, why not let her know you notice that. be soooooooooo sweet, that will annoy her. Your fiance know what she is like without you bringing up her bad points. good luck in the marriage and start thinking if you want your children to have to grow up around her and let your fiance know you worry about that, that should wake the id iot up.

Answer 9

I dont know, but I want her job! She is not going to change and complaining to your husband is only going to annoy him so I think its all in your hands to be accepting of her, just let the stuff roll off your back, nothing you can do to change the situation.

Answer 10

A very wise man once wrote that a person with wisdom sees danger up head and hides himself, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. Your fiance's blindness to his mother's self-absorption is a major red flag. Please beware.