Yes it's me again! Before answering this question read my other titles :My women was beautiful now what and I didn't mean to sound shallow" also posted tonight! bascially I said that my wife was beautiful then she had our baby and gained 24 lbs going from 115 to 139 and i had lost interest! You guys answered by telling me to tell her how i feel so tonight when i went to bed she came on to me and i couldn't come through she asked me what was wrong and I told her! All i said is baby maybe it would help if you lost some weight! She started crying and left! She went to her mothers and told me she would be back tomorrow to get the baby! What if she's really leaving? What should i do?
2007-03-24 20:04:57 · 19 answers · asked by cr24_snowman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Come on peeps this is definitely for real! Answer my question! I still need her! Help me!
2007-03-24 20:18:42 · update #1
CAN'T GO OVER THERE WAY TOO LATE HER PARENTS WOULD KILL ME! I NEED SOME MORE ADVISE!
2007-03-24 20:28:11 · update #2
You answered your own question already. Your choice of words speaks volumes. What you need is a priority check.
I remember you so I will get str8 to the point. You made these statements which shows some hidden feelings that maybe even you don't realize. "She's was beautiful, then" and "I lost interest"
The fact that you stated you love her, along with these other statements proves that you have a serious problem with knowing what is important and what isn't.
2007-03-24 20:39:47 · answer #1 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG she weighs 139? Pal, she is probably not overwieght! You had better lay off the porn and start doing some serious apologizing. You dont tell a woman who just had a baby to lose weight. What did you expect? Dont you think she already feels bad enough about herself as it is without hearing this? She is far from fat or obese and seriously, gaining 24 lbs with a baby is pretty good, a lot of women gain much much more. I could see you being upset if she had gained 60, 70, 80+ lbs with a baby but this? this is ridiculous!
2007-03-25 00:03:11 · answer #2 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your wife was still going through the after-baby blues with her hormones readjusting and all.
I know you didn't MEAN to sound shallow, BUT with hormones out of whack, what else could she do but cry?
Do you think women enjoy putting on weight while carrying your pride and joys?
Do you think we enjoy having our bladders leak because of the pressure inside our bellies?
Do you think we enjoy having our legs and hands and ankles swell up?
Do you think we enjoy not being able to reach our feet anymore or sleep in the same positions any more?
What I'm trying to say is that perhaps you didn't mean to sound shallow...but you made a huge boo boo!
How do you fix it?
Hmmmm.
After my 3rd child, my husband, I'm sure, felt a lot like you with the weight gain plus the weight I never lost between the 15 months between births. I'm sure he grinned and bore it stoically and perhaps was put off sexually as well, but the one thing he did that made me feel super was offer me incentives for toning up again...He said every week I slimmed down he'd put $ into a special account for me for a whole new wardrobe.
Well, you get the idea. Offering incentives of whatever kind will appeal to her, do it. And be supportive and even workout with her so that she'll know you're also wanting to look your best for her.
Please, whatever you do, no matter what shape or size your woman becomes, don't criticize--it's important what WORDS AND TONE OF VOICE you use when you answer that question she asked in the bedroom. If you take care of the whole weight gain/loss business in a positive way early enough on, you'll avoid another crying jag and run home to mom's.
Appreciate what she's been through for the 9 months and then thereafter. Show your appreciation and she'll never leave your side. In any case, always be kind and respect the mother of your child. I'm sure you're man enough to handle it all.
Good luck.
2007-03-24 20:28:24 · answer #3 · answered by Moe J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you that you are so focused on a woman's body that you can't even get it up because she put on 15 pounds, by having your child, ya know...? Real human beings can want to get it on with someone they love even if she doesn't look like she just jumped off the Miss USA pageant stage.
Ok, now that I've vented... Timing is everything. Ever hear that one? The worst possible time to tell her that is when she is asking you for sex. Honestly, if she does leave to find someone who will give her physical love even when she's not in top shape, I won't say she's the bad guy, ya know? I know you don't think of yourself as shallow and clumsy, but you are. And if you want to keep your wife, you should tell her that you have realized that you are and you want to work on it with her. Counselling. For you , not for her. Really. Ur communication skills and emotional maturity suck. You need to learn how to connect with her emotionally better and communicate in a way that does not crush people's feelings or you will F up this marriage with some other bone headed move. Really. Get help and work really hard at growing or this will become a recurring theme and you will blame it on everyone but you every time.
2007-03-24 20:16:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I know first hand how she feels. I was 105 before I had my baby and after I am 170. I hate it and wish it was gone. I have tried so many times to lose weight but it is NOT easy. My body has totally changed. I'm sure this is what is going on with her. It was so hurtful for you to tell her that. That is shallow. My husband loves me and would like for me to lose weight but he understands. He is still turned on by me because he loves me that much. You have to understand that it's not easy for her to be over weight. Plus she could be heavier. Please just encourage her, love her the way she is and don't think so hard about her weight that it over comes your mind and makes you not turned on by her. If you truely love her then something as petty as weight should not be a factor. Trust me 24 lbs is not alot compared to what I've gained. When a woman has a baby her body changes and it's harder to lose weight. Plus if she's stressed about what you say to her that won't help. Be encouraging, understanding and loving. Even a little sensitivity would help. She carried your baby for nine months and pushed it out of a little hole. The least you can do is love her the way she is. Chances are she doesn't like it any more than you do and your not helping. Make her feel good about herself and maybe it will be easier for her to lose it when she is ready and wants to. She's still the same person just with a little more of her. Talk to her so she won't leave you. Good luck. I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION! CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND TALK TO HER! TELL HER YOUR SORRY AND MEAN IT!
2007-03-24 20:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by Ellen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude that was just mean and you'd better crank up the apology machine. That was just not even the right time to talk about it. If you are so shallow that 24 pounds makes you unable to perform your manly duties then you deserve what she is about to do to you.
TIMING!!! Idiot!!! What if the shoe was on the other foot and she said maybe it would help if you had a penis enlargement operation... I can't believe you could be so freakin insensitive.
Maybe you could have bought his and her gym memberships and actually had an emotional connection with your wife by working out with her and encouraging her.
WHAT KIND OF REACTION DID YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU SAID THAT!
Think, then do. Don't do, then think!
2007-03-24 21:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the hell are you being so shallow for man?
This is'nt some girl your dating it is your wife and now the mother of you child. Your talking about a physical attribute when in fact you should be loving her for her qualities that make her a Lady and the women that you love.
Your wife comes to you and wants to make love and your more concerned about weight instead of true spiritual passion, she should up and leave if for only a while and long enough for you to reevaluate why you and her are together.
Remember one thing dumb a** and that is "You dont know what you got until it is gone"
You've got your work cut out for you if in fact you want to save this relationship. So I suggest that you get your a** over to where she is at and let her know that you truly do love her.
"Good-Luck" your going to need it!
2007-03-24 20:21:15 · answer #7 · answered by Chaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly can not find a way to answer this with out being the B word so.. Yeah if you think that is fat damn.. you have issues too.. She is your wife you are supposed to stand behind her, not kick her while she is down.. If she weighed 115 and now 139 she already feels bad enough... You need to drop the ego about so called FAT CHICS and try to work things out for the baby.. or let her go and let her new husband love her for what and who she is...
2007-03-24 20:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She only weighs 139 and that turns you off? 139 is not fat; you were very rude to her and yes, you are shallow. A lot of women would really like to lose down to 139. You are lucky that she didn't go up to 160 lbs or more.
2007-03-24 20:10:19 · answer #9 · answered by supertop 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well for starters if you are that shallow i hope she does leave you. I understand that you may not see here as she was but you could have done it better. like maybe taking her out dancing, exersize helps bring down the weight. You need to understand if she has only gained 24 lbs and you couldn't get it up you have the problem not her...Lets
2007-03-24 20:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by letsget_dangerous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋