what to do?

Question

I LOVE MY WIFE LIFE CRAZY, BUT I STRESSED OUT TO THE POINT OF CRYING. WE HAVEFOUR BOYS. TWO BOYS EACH FROM OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. I HAVE TRIED TO BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL TO HER BOYS AS WELL AS MINE. THE PROBLEM IS WHENEVER I SET A RULE, ONE OF HER BOYS SNEAKS BEHIND MY BACK AND ASK HER IF HE CAN DO SOMETHING THAT CONFLICTS WITH A RULE WE HAVE AGREED UPON. SHE WILL BREAK THE RULE JUST TO PLEASE HER CHILD. I MAKES ME FEEL SILLY FOR TRYING . SHE WOULD RATHER HAVE A FIGHT WITH ME THAN TO STAND UP FOR WHAT WE HAVE AGREED ON. SHE TELL ME ALL THE TIME THAT SHE LOVES ME, BUT I DON'T KNOW, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE DO THINGS LIKE THIS. IT CREATES VERY HARD FEELING AND ANGER. I HAVE TOLD HER THIS BEFORE, BUT, SHE HAS YET TO LISTEN. I LOVE MY WIFE DEARLY, BUT, I'M, STARTING TO FEEL BAD FEELING TOWARD HER SONS. I TOLD HER EVERYTIME SHE DO THIS IT'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO BOTH OF US. PLEASE ,,, HELP ME, HELP US. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME AND EFFERT.

Answer 1

Children are a gift from God, and stepchildren are God's bonus. Try repeating that- it'll help you refrain from choking the poop out of that lazy, smart mouthed know it all punk, when they behave exactly like you and I behaved at their age. It's the Mother's curse. At some point, your Mother said "Someday you'll have a kid, and I hope they treat you the way you treat me." Now, this is a powerful curse, and has destroyed people. Your only hope is your wife. They're driving her crazy too. You two need to support each other(in reality, it's actually watching the other's back) cuz the kids are merciless, and instinctively sense weakness. So, you guys need to protect yourselves. You guys WILL survive. The kids will grow up- and move. You'll no longer find syrup in the toaster, and you guys will stop whimpering in the corner. That little twitch will gradually fade away. And theeeeeennnn--- sweet revenge. THEY'LL have kids- and they'll treat them just as they are treating you. And if you're still mad, buy the grandchildren horns and drum sets.

Answer 2

Simple. stop crying and take charge. Tell her we work as a team or we divorce.

Do not fight, do not raise your voice, do not cry do not shout. Try not to get angry. Try not to lose your temper. Be a wall of calmness, and firm decision.

Talk in a very low calm voice, just above a whisper. Look directly at her, in her eyes.

Tell her, in a calm direct voice. "By doing this you are trying to make me not a man, and I can no longer stand it. I am trying to make good rules, and you are undermining me, in front of them. I feel that you do not respect me, or our marriage. I will not put up with this any longer. Decide."

If she argues again, or tells you they are her kids, then leave her. She's not a team player, and it will throw your own kids into disruption, you need to find a real partner, not someone who will push you around.

Good luck. Seriously. Sounds like a tough battle ahead of you.

Answer 3

ok, so this goes with any parenting but especially step children, as of now you find yourself trying to establish your parental roles and to clearly define them and you feel that it undermines your authority when she allows them to get away with things.. you have to be a united front when it comes to parenting or the children will continue to undermine you and her by asking the other... in order to do so it is vital that you discuss and communicate.. if it is a newer relationship she may be experiencing trusting issues of your parenting style.. it will take work and talking and above all do continue trying to be a good parent.. (if she undermines you in front of the children and not just behind your back you need to step up and keep the boundaries and rules set in place, you don't always have to back down, they are your children now too) i am sure it will all work out...

oh, as to making her listen... you need to find a time that is not directly following a conflict.. it is during peace that she won't feel attacked for her parenting style... i wish you the best of luck...

Answer 4

Things like that are common in most relationships. Basically, sit down with your wife and kids and share your thoughts and opinions. Watch the reactions and see what you get. The problem might subside after that. If she continues, do nothing about the boys. Let her make the decisions. Eventually, she'll get tired of it and she'll question you. It is in that time period that you tell her your issues.

Answer 5

I understand where you are. It seems to me as if you are not as high on the totem pole as her kids. What I mean by that is the pecking order in the family. You can ask her what the deal is, but you probably have done that already.

It sounds to me as if she has her priority's wrong. The best way to get through it is with communication between you and her. It's not the best answer but anything else will likely just cause more problems between you and her.

Answer 6

she is on a mission to destroy your marraige...
tough situation i can feel for you
i think if you cannot resolve this issue alone between the two of you, seek a counselor or mentor from church she needs to hear from someone else that she is sabataging your marraige! she is challenging your authority as the man of the household ot to mention giving the boys a golden opportunity for manipulation and giving them an unstable foundation......trouble ahead for these boys. seek outside help i think. dont give up! tell her i recomended this book "created to be his Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl
~julie

Answer 7

Get counseling she needs it but go with her.

Answer 8

both of u need to shun every ego.