My boyfreind and I have been together for eight months. Throughout our relationship we have discussed babies, parenting, etc. I have voiced my desire to become a mother on many occasions. You see, for the past two years, I have been yearning to start a family of my own. My heart aches when I see my freinds with their children. I became divorced shortly before my boyfriend and I got togther (from an abusive relationship) and although I wanted a baby, I subconsciencly knew I didn't want one with my ex-husband. My BF is the first man I've wanted to have a child / start a family with. Ok, so here is the problem. Yesterday he blurted out that he does not want children and does not want to get married. This is a desicion he'd made many years ago, he says. Events in his past can make me understand his opinion. I do love him greatly, but this hurt me deeply. I will not leave him because of this, but how can I cope or maybe make him somehow see things my way? I feel as if my dreams have died...
2007-03-24 19:05:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you understand his opinion, you have to decide whether you can deal with it or not. Trying to change his mind may or may not be for the best. You could try to get him to go to counseling & see if they can help him understand why his fears are unfounded. But you may just need to respect his reasons & decide if you can be happy not having kids & explain why you want kids & why you need to be with someone who can accept that & break it off if he can't at least think about it, for you. Also you may want to find out why he waited so long to say anything since you say you have talked about it many times, or did you talk & he more or less listened?
2007-03-24 19:19:18 · answer #1 · answered by love_um_or_leave_um 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, let's look at this objectively, rather than from just your own viewpoint...
I do understand that there are people out there who are parent-type individuals and want to have children and raise families. And I respect motherhood, I really do. And I sympathize with you, and wish that you could have your dreams come true.
On the other hand, I can also see your boyfriends point of view. Some men are not geared for children, and are not the paternal type. And apparently your boyfriend is one of these.
To expect this man to just go along and be a father is not really respecting his wishes. To be a parent is the ultimate responsibility, and it is a lifetime commitment. Perhaps this man would rather do something else with his life, rather than be a parent. I know, I am one of these kinds of persons.
You have a tough choice to make. What do you require more in life? This man, whom you claim to love? Or children?
If you choose this man, then you need to respect him and his wishes. And you must come to grips that he does not want to become a parent, and it's not fair of you to press him to change his mind and "see things your way."
If you choose children, then you must sacfrice the relationship with the man, and bring someone into your life who shares your goals.
Let me spell this out for you, clearly. If you persist in trying to get this man to do something that he isn't willing to commit to for a lifetime, you are going to lose him anyway.
So if you truly love this man, then be satisfied with him. If you must have children to make your life complete, then I suggest that you move on, and find a man willing to become a father. Anything else is just a recipe for misery and disaster. Avoid it now, while you still can. There is nothing preventing you from remaining friends with this man.
2007-03-25 02:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by C J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I'm not so sure about this since i'm a kid (11 to be precise) but, I've got some advice. Especially since I'm a guy I can tell you what the guys think of this. Some guys are a**holes and they don't want to have kids or a family, they just want the s**. Also there's guys who are caring and loving, they want families, unless they're just not ready.
And that's my (11 year old) advice.
P.S. I have WoW but my computer won't play it.
2007-03-25 03:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by Chase 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready to commit. If you want to give it more time by all means give it a chance. But give yourself a time limit. The truth is sometimes hard for people to see and if he doesn't change his opinion, he just might not be the person for you.
2007-03-25 02:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by Virginia C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him express all of your feelings if he loves you he'll try to make things work. plus you dont have to settle down right away mabe in a year or two he could change his mind- your dreams are never crushed keep them and they will come true
2007-03-25 02:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by Htrain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, your dreams did die, find out why he is not wanting family ties, could be he has to many all ready, and recheck your heart, why not serf for greener pastures, you are stile free.
2007-03-25 02:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by Pancho D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just give him some time. maybe he'll grow up and realize that your the most important person in his life and he'll want to share that love with you and have a baby. patients is a virtue. remember that.
2007-03-25 02:12:19 · answer #7 · answered by surfingbeanpole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
prozac
2007-03-25 02:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋