Control-freak, manipulating-greedy-lazy husband?

Question

My husband & I have been married 5 y.We have a 3-yr daughter. My husb is 48 & I'm 40. I couldn't do anything w/o him until recently & if I did he would lose it. He made it clear he would never let me go.Constant-extreme posessive, jealousy & over-attentive was scary-same time it was flattering & confusing. If I did things he didn't approved, he would pin me to the bed or closet wall & yell uncontrolably in my face. If I tried 2 leave, he violently force me to stay. He never allowed me 2 do things I use to enjoy. He managed 2 get fired from his job 2ys ago & never returned to the workforce. He wanted to be "mr. mom." I did not agree! I've been sole provider & encouraged him 2 get a job! His mom died in 7/2006 & he's benef of her pension.He did a 360 in our marriage & walked out as soon as he began receiving his benef $1,500 mo. f/ the rest of his life. I haven't received $$ from him.Numerous times I tried 2 leave-he forced me 2 stay! I HATE HIM-so why does my heart deeply want him back!

Answer 1

I think your heart wants him back because he sucked the life right out of you. Totally crushed your self esteem. Think about what he did and imagine some ***hole doing that do your daughter. Your better off without him. Get a lawyer, and get him out of your life. Don't buy into any sob stories if he wants you back. Move on so your daughter can grow up with some self worth. It wouldn't be long before he started doing the same to her.

Answer 2

The conditioning of his style of control has created in you not the need for the control but an acceptance for his dominance. You found the formula to deal with the adverse affects of his disease easing the strife in your life. The feeling you have is probably not wanting him back but the empty place you set aside for dealing with the problem is not active anylonger. My first marriage of 20 years was controlling and abusive and instead of recognizing where the problem was I continually was fixing each issue individually as opposed to solving the problem. She is still that way but I deal with it on a totally different plane. Without the leverage of marriage commitment I have have equal control. If I do not like the rules or the one sided relationship I have the option to live elswhere without sanction or divorce. Control freaks constantly use force or fear of punative action or legal remedy threats to force compliance of their wishes. They are sick people and are handicapped with an unnatural need to dominate or control to boost their self esteem and self worth. I am much happier single after my extended experience and would relish a partner that had the ability to share equally the good the bad and the ugly and did not rely on excess emotion, enjoys having responsibility with someone to rely on and occasionally suprised with a rose petal bubble bath with a hot oil rubdown or other activity of romance that is quiet, peaceful and leaves a warm track in the middle of your heart. I am in the bottom of the ninth, score is tied and I have two strikes and no balls to persue another because of the three strike scenario.

Answer 3

I think you mistook his abuse of you for "love" and are having a hard time realizing there was no love there at all. Damn, woman, wake up and be glad he is out of your life! You say you hate him and I am sure you do. It will just take some time before you realize you don't really want HIM back, you just wish he had loved and cared for you like he should have, and what you really want is your dream of love back. Get a big smile on your face, be glad he is gone, and live your life happily. Women sometimes have a pattern of having the same type of abusive relationships, so be careful that you don't end up with another loser like him with your next man. You also need to file for child support with your local District Attorney's office.

Answer 4

Because you have unfinished business with him. You need validation, closure, and it doesn't seem you'll get it from him. Thats the worst part.

You only think you're in love with him because you have unfinished business from your childhood that keeps you wanting after him even though you know he's useless.

I recommend, move far, far away from where you are, start a new life, in a new apartment, get a new job, and start fresh. It'll give you the perspective you need. And don't worry about him; forget him like he forgot you (and your daughter) the day he walked out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Damn Tatiana I dont even know him and I HATE HIM. What a loser! Let him keep his 1500 dollars, You got your life back, haven't you heard, 40 is the new 30. The best revenge is getting yourself out there to meet the good ones still waiting. YOur gonna find your self a sweet hot guy and flaunt him in that losers face till he kicks himself for losing such a good thing.

Answer 6

You are lonely. You have suffered a loss of someone you once cared for, even though (he was a louse). Replace him with a hobby, friend, or something you once enjoyed doing. time will take take care of the rest. Stop thinking of the past and get busy. Be positive, and don't look back.

Answer 7

You want him back because he is a habit, and nothing more. Habits are hard to break. But once you do, you won't know yourself, you'll feel free at last. Kind regards Penny xx

Answer 8

You really don"t love him your just used to him. Move out of state,don't tell him where.Occupy your mind with your child and your job. It will get alot easier and become a blessing.

Answer 9

There are places you can go and take your daughter. Look in the yellow pages and make arangments. Don't tell him you are leaving...Good luck

Answer 10

Find your center, and be strong for your family!