How can I not be hurt when my children who are grown spend time with their father, my ex husband?

Question

He is married to the woman that broke up our marriage and they have a child together. She is 28 and he is 47. Our children are 25 and 26 and we were married almost 20 years. I truly do not love him any more, but it hurts me when my children say they have spent time with him and his family. How can I resolve this?

Answer 1

Realize that they are part of you and him too...

There is no replacement for dads... nor moms...

You each offered something unique and wonderful, and they aren't going to abandon the part of him that they love just because you don't love him anymore.

They still love you. You can't be replaced by a 28 year old. I guarantee it.

Answer 2

if you can't accept and be happy about your grown up children visiting the new family of your ex-husband, it means you haven't come to terms about losing your 20 years marriage. Maybe its true that you don't truly love him anymore but you haven't let go of him hence the resentment & ended up hurting to hear about your children getting along well with the person whom you said caused your break up. Be strong & take care of yourself for them. He may have left you but you have your children & a new life to pursue the things you never did before. Look beyond the separation. Remember that every journey comes along difficulties but whether you successfully overcome (or not) each trial, life doesn't end. Its a continuous process in our everyday living so deciding on how we perceive things around us can greatly help in the pursuit of happiness & lifes fulfillment. Learn to let go & move on. Acknowledge the pain & dissapointments you had in the past and after that, continue to be hopeful as life is a wheel... sometimes your up, sometimes your down.

With all due respect, i understand the pain you went through but open up to a whole new world around you. Its over and he has found happiness elsewhere, do not allow your happiness to end with the broken relationship. He has done you a favor by choosing to move out than stay married with you and yet having someone else on his mind. Also, the fact that your children & his new family are getting along well are so much to be thankful bcuz in most cases when married couples separated, the children are often displaced. It is a consolation enough to see them still see their father much more having cope with the separation & accepted the new arrangement. Be glad about it. However, am not saying that you come last on the picture but every mother should put first the welfare of the children before anything else.

Answer 3

Please realize the one important factor in this whole thing. You are their mother, he is their father. They have a right to know and have a relationship with both of their parents. Regardless. Unless abuse was a factor, and a restraining order was in place. Parents are not to put their children in the middle of their problems (no matter how old the children are). If you need someone to tlak to abot this, I suggest counseling to help you. It is good that they are spending time with their father. And, the child he and his new wife have, is their brother/sister.I understnd, she was "the other woman", but they are married now, your children have apparently accepted her and their child. That is good, for their father, so he can spend time with these older children. If you were married to someone else, you would want the same on your side. Take care.

Answer 4

Get over it, after all he is their father, it doesn`t mean they love u any less. Apparently he was a good father, that's why they want to spend time with him too. You, urself must have at one time seen something good in him or else u would not have married him. If the situation were reversed, would u not want ur children to visit with u ? It must give ur children comfort knowing they still have 2 parents to love. Don`t begrudge them that. Move on with ur personal life and when u meet that new man, won`t it be nice to have ur children accept him also.

Answer 5

Why would this hurt you? Your children are not responsible for the mistakes that were made by their parents. It sounds are if they are simply trying to balance the love they have for you both. You should let go of the past and accept the present for what it is. Your children had no choice in the fact that their parents split up. You should be encouraging the relationship they have with their father, not berating it. I am sure they care just as much for you as they do him.

Answer 6

Well you can resolve it by separating your children from your marriage. Most married couples who divorce understand that although they can no longer tolerate living with one another, it does not in any way effect that way they love their children. In fact most moms or dads will say to their kids that although they are divorced that the other parent is still a good parent to the kid. It sounds to me you are mixing up your kids happiness with you husband's. In other words, for whatever the reason, if you still harbor personal feelings towards your ex, I can live with that. But most ex's are wonderful fathers so you really shouldn't be jealous or hurt or threatened by the fact that your kids love being with their dad. Them enjoying their dad has nothing....nothing to do with you. But somehow and I don't know enough about you so its hard to say but somehow you have some error in thinking that has you with hurt feelings because your kids want to be with their dad. You should be glad that your divorce did not alienate them from their dad...that would be a bigger disaster than the divorce itself. So try and figure why you are confusing the kids happiness with your bitterness towards your ex. They really should be very separate things. By the way...I am sure your kids love you equally as much as they love their dad.....Good Luck!

Answer 7

I don't blame you a bit .Why the hell should you kiss up to there dumb butts . She took you from him she needs a good butt beating . To hell what everyone thinks that's all most say in here anyway is " SEEK COUNSELING" Ill tell you the truth I wouldn't kiss up to the ex and his new hoe for nothing in the world your not the one that needs counseling your ex and his little hoe does . Of course your going to feel hurt your kids have got to go around two *** holes why shouldn't you feel hurt. Hold off a few years she will be out cheating on his old *** then you can kick him in the dirt .

Answer 8

My parents were divorced when I was really young. The worst feeling in the world is when one parent is upset about you spending time with the other.

I told them once...look, you two decided to get married and have kids, I had no choice in the matter. Whatever you did to each other is not my problem. I love you both and nothing is going to change that.

Now, I have two kids and I'm divorced. So, I do understand how it feels at times, when the kids want to be with their dad and not with me. I just remind myself of what it feels like with my parents and try really hard not to put them in the middle.

Answer 9

You cannot resolve this...
You can only try to accept it...
I do understand why it hurts you..
I am so sorry...
The best way to mend a broken heart is with a new love..
Find one & marry him..
Get a good pre-nup...

Answer 10

Get over yourself. He is their Dad for God Sake. They are adults and are able to chose who to see and who not to see. Remember the longer you stay bitter about how life has turned out, the less time your kids will want to spend with you.