Is She Spending for Him?

Question

My daughter is 18, I am a single mom. She still lives at home, I do not charge her for anything. I buy for all our needs. She has a part time job and is a full time student. She met this guy two months ago. Since then my daughter wants to take up another job and is always short of money. She said her hours at work are not enough. All she pays are her student loan, half of our car financing and her cell phone. Now she tells me she has not enough money to pay her cell phone.
This boy does not go to school, does not try to get a part time job, lives at his mom's house. I know he does not have money. I suspect that he borrows money from my daughter and my daughter spends when they go out.

Answer 1

Sometimes life's lessons cost us something. The cost can be counted in time, emotions, or money. Your daughter may be learning the money + loser boyfriend = rebelling against mom.
She will get tired of being broke and will grow up and get over the wanting to take care of a loser guy.
Do not criticize the guy because she will think you are criticizing her judgment. Ask non specific questions about her budget, is she saving, how can she be better prepared for the cell phone bill, but do not mention the boyfriend.
She will be better off to have learned this lesson early.

Answer 2

This sounds awfully fishy to me. I would guess your assumption is right as far as her lending him money or even giving him money. Love is blind, if it is actually love. I feel terrible for you daughter because I can't imagine her going through stress of school, jobs, and supporting a low life boyfriend (no offense). I would try talking to her and perhaps ask her what her dreams are in life and then I'd shift the conversation of her boyfriend. Ask her what he is planning on doing, and if she says "I don't know" give her questions like...."have you ever considered asking him about his life, his goals, his needs in life?" I would also mentioning something along the lines of supporting a possible family a long the road if he is comfortable not helping out (if it comes down to it). I had a wake up call a couple years ago with my ex (I was 18 at the time). My ex was a terrible gambler and had a big problems. My parents saw it and they gave me those Q's I had suggested to ask your daughter (e.g. his goals...). He didn't have goals and I knew that was bad news because 1. it would have held me back with my goals and 2. if we had a family, he could have seriously done damage to our finances. I just hope something like that isn't serious with your daughers situation. Good luck, and remember....communication is the key (keep your voice tone one level: nice and calm with tons of empathy, therefore she'll open up more about the situation).

Answer 3

Stop worrying about how she spends her money and take control over what you DO have a say-so over. Charge her rent and any other fee you feel necessary. If she can't afford it, she should go out on her own and give it a try. Really, if she is in college she is too old to be living at home. Cut the apron strings, Mom, and make your daughter grow up.

Answer 4

she probably does spend it on him, but thats her decision not yours. Though i would advice her to make wiser choices because she should be able to pay for her part of the deal, like her cell phone and such. Let her take on another job,if thats what she wants, as l0ong as it doens't affect her school work, whatever you do dont tell her what to do with her money or forbid her from seeing him, i know for sure she wont listen and things will only get worse

Answer 5

sounds like she is. or they are going dutch and she is going out more often.
Stick to your guns. she pays the cell bill if not it gets turned off. only another job if her grades stay as they are.
If she works for tips yes her income could have went down. With bad weather and winter and you may want to help out. but if it is the same pay all year than I would say no

Answer 6

Your daughter is considered an adult now. If she makes bad choices she needs to suffer the consequences. Do not bail her out. She must come to her own decision regarding the boyfriend. Perhaps charge her for living expenses since she wants to support somebody so bad.


http://www.predator-awareness.com/

Answer 7

Yes..u could be right.Instead of being to worried and doing guess works..u need to talk to her..not in a mother-daughter way..but as friends.Perhaps u can take her out to a fun place..tell her how your teen life had been..and some of the mistakes u made(jokingly)..talk to her about the guy she's seeing..and tell her to judge from someone else's point of view.tell her u totally understand if she loves him..but does she understand where would it take her in the long run?hope things work out well.good luck

Answer 8

It sounds like your suspicions are true. I know it's a little late with your daughter thinking that she's "independent" and all, but I think it's time for you to sit her down and talk to her about users and abusers. Don't show that you are upset by her actions, though. She may not listen to you, but at least you tried. My daughters are still young but that is definitely a conversation I plan to have with them as soon as they hit the teens.

Answer 9

If your daughters expenses haven't changed from the time before she met this boy until now, that is likely the case. If she didn't make those payments before, but is now, it might not be the case.

Answer 10

I would explain to your daughter the fundimentials about finances! then I would ask her for a modest amount of rent just to keep things straight between you two!