He's a very upstanding guy, everyone loves him. He and I have some bad days, and he's shown me he has a temper problem. This is the first time its come to violence. He slapped me and punched me in the face a few times (after I had taken a couple of blows at him. ) He defintely initated the violence. Our wedding is in less than a month and a half, with 300 guests invited. What should I do?
2007-03-24 17:25:59 · 137 answers · asked by Maraget R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi did hit first, I hit after he did.
2007-03-24 17:42:27 · update #1
Say bye to him...Cancel the wedding...
Or you will be in hell...
2007-04-01 16:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by NATO 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd say cancel the wedding too. The relationship should be over - in your mind, at least, and you should act on it. Do you want to have children some day? Do you want them to witness Dad and Mom slugging it out? By the way, I don't care if he initiated it or who initiated it - stop throwing punches yourself - he has a temper problem but I suspect that you do as well. One thing that you don't mention is whether there is ever liquor around when these bad days occur or when he has this 'temper problem' - you two may relax together with a few drinks and then things get out of hand. It's not unusual for people who can't handle alcohol well to lean on each other - now, as the wedding approaches, there's stress and the inevitable drinks to relax and then this.
Giving an explanation for it doesn't make it right. It still would be a mistake to go into a marriage - which will be hard to dissolve - with this kind of history. Do you want to go live with someone else's temper problem - and your own - in marriage?
It's up to you to decide. I assume you know the minister who's performing the ceremony. Talk to him right away, together, and have him put it all in perspective.
A slap is bad. A punch is something that means he could really hurt you seriously some day. Why are you punching him, too?
2007-04-01 16:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know i'm probable the only one to say depend's on why and what is he going threw. I had the same experiance, I was hit and 10 year's later I'm still Married to the same man. Yes I called the police and had him arrested. He paid dearly. Then we had a heart to heart. I had told him I couldn't live that way and if he was gonna hit me we would have to go our own way's. He need's help not you, but what is his problem and is he willing to never do it again. If you say it can't happen again and you see his temper flair then by all mean's get out. But you both need to have a serious talk, soon. Everyone has a little bad in them and you say he is an outstanding guy. Then you need to figure out why he got so angry. Never let him intise you into violence. That will only bring you down to his level, and you can't beat a man. A woman need's to think with her head. If you love him and want to stay with him it can work. But you may want to put off the wedding as least until your sure.
I have never been hit again and we did work threw it. It can happen. I knew my man had a lot of problem's with his X-wife and her interference in our relationship caused a lot of stress on us both at first. So you have to figure out what is the root of the problem. How many people that tell you to just get out haven't had the same problem at one time or another. People aren't perfect. Sometime's a good thing need's work. Good Luck
2007-03-31 11:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Upstanding my foot!!! People who are "upstanding" DO NOT resort to violence!!! The best thing for you to do is to cancell the wedding and get out of the relationship-the sooner the better. It was just a matter of time that the physical violence started since he has a temper problem. To avoid a lifetime of pain and suffering this is your best bet. However-you hitting him is not a good idea as well. That could have landed you in jail just as easily as him. Think about it.
2007-03-24 18:12:59 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good grief i will tell you what i would do . i would leave his A S S at the alter so all his upstanding guest could see him make a fool out of himself. no seriously leave the jerk , call the wedding off .and run as far away from him as you can and when you stop running get your A S S in some counseling to figure out why you think it ' s OK to hit a person . there should be no double standards sweet heart if you don't want to be hit then don't hit a man yourself . as you found out some men don't walk away and take it on the chin like a real man would .
2007-03-24 17:43:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that he "slapped me and punched me in the face a few times (after I had taken a couple of blows at him.)" This basically states that you initiated physical violence. You guys need to split up - it's not healthy if EITHER of you are physically violent to the other. Normally, I would suggest that you call the police as well, but you might end up in more trouble than him.
As far as the relationship is concerned, who started it is not the issue. If there is violence - especially if it is on both sides - then neither of you are good for the other. It sounds like you have a temper problem as well, no matter how much you feel you were provoked. Otherwise, you would have called the police INSTEAD of hitting him.
Good luck - it sounds like you're going to need it.
2007-03-24 17:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get out now! No ifs, ands, or buts. This will only get worse; do not waste any more of your life with this person. Be thankful he showed his true colors before you got married. Any money (or face) lost on a canceled wedding is a small price to pay for avoiding a lifetime as a victim. Then get counseling so you don't make the same mistake again. There's a saying that goes something like this: A man whose house is destroyed by lava needs to figure out why he was living on the side of a volcano before he starts to rebuild.
2007-03-24 17:35:33 · answer #7 · answered by Elsie Emmess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call off the wedding, and upstanding guy never and I mean never hits a woman no matter what. It will only get worse. Wedding, 300 guest, and embarrassment is much easier to get over. Than years of abuse, get out quick. Good Luck!!!
2007-03-31 14:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Silver Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run do not walk away from him. Physical abuse is not a sign of love. In fact any kind of abuse is senseless. If it has happen once it will happen again. Have you watched the news or read the newspaper lately? All these spouses or bf/gf getting killed,because they said or did something the other one did not like. You never know where his STOP button is, will he just black your eye and call you names, or will it stop after he has broken your jaw, leg, arm, or worse, once he has beat you to death. Sometimes the abuser doesn't know where there STOP button is , because they are irrational at that moment in time, and in a rage. A rage of there own psychological shortcomings, but never the less. You avoid areas that have drive by shootings, so get out of this now........and live to have a happy life with someone who will cherish you and love you for who you are and overlook your shortcomings, without resulting in violence
2007-04-01 04:49:56 · answer #9 · answered by mssgtmidnight1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File charges on the pun* and move on with your life, before he kills you. You do know that when you are all bruised up and he is saying he's sorry, he really isn't sorry. He is getting a thrill out of it. He is sick and it get worst then that. Just wait until he beats you, while tasting the blood in your mouth he want to have sex. Just wait until you get punched so much until you don't want him to touch you sexually again and he want to have sex, the feeling of wanting to throw up while he's on top of you. I can't even see why you still talking about marring this bum. He's not an upstanding guy. You just think he is and by the time I get Thur charging his a&& with every kind of charge I can think of and scratching his eye balls out the next time he swing, everybody and their momma will know he is an abuser. Don't be stupid and live this life, you won't be the only one in his life. he will do what he want, go where he want and say what he wants and you will be so low until you can't speak. He is not the only man around, go get some help and leave while you still have breathe in your body.
2007-03-29 15:09:00 · answer #10 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him back his ring. Both of you (because you took a coulple blows at him) need to take an anger management class-asap, and separately. You could have called the cops on him, and both been put in jail for 24 hrs. Cancel your wedding. If you don't want to get into the whys and wherefores, etc., just tell your guests tht you have found that the two of you are not compatible after all. You might want to consider a restraining order on him, only if you feel the need to keep yourself safe. Take care.
2007-03-24 17:32:38 · answer #11 · answered by SAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋