My wife is a widow and still keeps her dead husbands ashes and picture on our dresser and it bothers me.?

Question

It really bothers me and cant even think of a way to tell her that.

Answer 1

Well you don't have anything to worry about after all he is dead, your alive so make the most of it. It is only a picture. Now, the ashes maybe she could find a more suitable place for those. Honestly tell her how you feel about this, but I am telling you don't ask her to give up the picture. He can't come between the two of you unless you allow it.

Answer 2

Well, I understand how it would bother you, but you need to respect the fact that she loved him also. Keeping the picture on the dresser is a little much though. She should keep it somewhere where you and her are not constantly faced with it. Explain that it makes you uncomfortable and reassure her that you understand that she loved him and will always remember him, but that she should focus on her future with you. Ask her to put the picture and ashes away in a special place.

Answer 3

well if she had children with this man, maybe she leaves it up there so if her kids come around tey don't think she has forgotten about him, or maybe this is her way of dealing with greif, would you not want that as well if something happen to you. Don't worry about, well try not to, he is in there and you are with her now..It's the past and there is nothing you can do no reason to get upset about it, if it is very hard to handle, ask her if there is a way she can put him somewhere else say a curio cabinet or a shelf in another room. see what she says or even ask her why she keeps him on the dresser tell her it bothers you mayeb she will understand

Answer 4

Yeah, I have to admit, this is sounds pretty creepy.

I can't think of a way to tell her either except to just sit down with her and tell her that it creeps you out. I mean, I'm sure that she wants to have a happy marriage with you, right? If she is still somewhat mystically attached to her husband and wants his "presence" in your bedroom, I'd say that she has a major problem. And, so do you.

It may come down to you or the ashes. Be prepared for that. You shouldn't have to live with this kind of situation, though. If it bothers you as much as it seems to be bothering you, you have no choice but to confront her on it. Good luck.

Answer 5

try this:

You know honey, I thank the stars that i am with you you make my life a joy.
I know that you had a great love before a love that perhaps no one will ever understand.
You might think that i would be jealous of you spicily time , but I am not because I believe that things are meant to be at the right time and the right place. My time came when it was supposed to come and i am grateful that it came.
now i see us into a new journey a journey specially for us .
When i see the urn of your ex husband if feel as if we have started on our new journey.
I would feel much better if you could put somewhere special for you for you to cherish It was t special time in the past and he Will understand that now in the present he is not here but he will not be forgotten by you
good luck

Answer 6

How long has it been since her former spouse passed away? The grieving process can be difficult for people, and sometimes takes longer that you would think.

Let her know that you love her and you care about her, but let her know that his picture and ashes bother you. It is definitely not an easy subject to approach.

Ask her if she would be willing to set up a memorial area in another room. If you live in a home, ask her if she would like to plant a tree in his memory.

It is important to be supportive, but you also need to let her know how you feel.

Answer 7

HOw long have you been married? Regardless, she is now married to you. Please sit down with her, and have a talk with her about this matter. Before you do that though, how long was she married to him? How many children (if any) do they have? Is there a place in the home where you would feel comfortable with his ashes and picture being placed-away from the bedroom? Why, what is it about those items that bothers you? Is it the memories of her for her late husband you may be thinking about? Or, the idea of death, and this stuff being there that bothers you? Are those items placed prominently on her dresser, or amongst a lot of things, kind of hidden with everything on it? Once you have all the reason(s) in your mind, you might want to write them down, to help you remember. So, when you do sit down with her to talk about it, please also keep in mind to talk with her about it in love, and understanding, and respect. And, you may suggest to her that the bedroom is now for the two of you, and you would prefer that these items be placed elsewhere(name a good place in the house) for them to be moved to, if she agrees. It is best for the both of you to share your thoughts and concerns on this matter in your discussion. I wish you both the best. Take care.

Answer 8

Then you need to tell her that it bothers you. She is now married to you. She is never going to let go of him unless she finds another place for his ashes and picture. Having them around is like a reminder to her that she was once married to him, but if it is going to cause problems in your marriage, then it needs to be moved somewhere else like a family relative.

Plus not sure how long she's had them there. Could it be possible that she is still mourning of the loss?

Answer 9

You say how much you love her and respect her reverence for her dead husband. But that you want to find an appropriate place to honor her deceased husbands ashes, a place that is NOT in your bedroom.....if its possible, have a suggestion ready....do you have another room, a foyer and appropriate place? if you dont she may or may not be ready to inter them (but dont push her). Let her pick a place, that is not in the bedroom to make it a special place for just the two of you.... she'll understand that. Chances are she has gotten so used to seeing it in the bedroom, she doesn't think about it.... Good luck.

Answer 10

Simple, She is married to you now. She can not disrespect your relationship by keeping a foot in the past. I see you to be tolerant and respectful but come on. She needs to find a better place to keep her exes ashes. Try to replace the currant picture with a picture of you and her. Put the ashes in a non discreet place in the living room if you can tolerate it. She needs to move on and invest in her living relationship.