Why is he doing this...need advice please?

Question

i have been with my hubby for 7 yrs.we have 2 children together and 1 on the way. im 5 1/2 months pregnant and under tremendous stress!i found him on myspace looking at females the other day when i was sleeping,he closed it really fast and didnt say anything but looked shocked. then i see on his page it says he is single..to add more to this i found his page on adultfriendfinder looking for a discreet relationship..erotic email/phone and fantasies...this is supposed to be the man i love!! i dont know what to do. im pregnant and i feel like i cant deal with this...what would U do (honestly)..is this considered cheating? p.s we have been arguing off and on too because of stress with finances,car is in shop etc.

Answer 1

This is marriage, so it is a commitment to work through hard times, BUT that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat and just lay down and take this. Set the guidelines for this type of behavior NOW. YOU are his wife, YOU are to be the only woman he looks at or seeks for companionship, just as he is for you. He cannot be trusted now, so he needs to fork over all account & login info so you can have the security of being able to check on his activities. He needs to know that this is a "two strikes and you're OUT" situation. And this is Strike One! He doesn't get another chance-- if you ever see any sign of this kind of infidelity (or actual cheating, obviously), he is GONE and will be paying some hefty child support on those 3 kids he fathered.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now. If you wouldn't be offended, I'll keep you in my prayers...

Answer 2

Communication is the key to any relationship, however, I agree that this is a form a cheating or at least he is getting ready to do it. I would certainly confront him about this, but not before I printed off everything that I could so that I would have the proof. It is really hard to lie about something when it is in black and white laying right in front of you. I know you are under an extreme amount of stress and this is only adding to it but I do feel it is better to lay all the cards on the table. And on the other hand I am sure he is under alot of stress with 2 children and another on the way. But...you didn't get pregnant by yourself. In my opinion it would be better to get things out now then wait and let it build up and continue with all the arguing and the fussing and fighting. Remember this is also taking a toll on the other two children besides the one you are carrying. Honey, I do wish you the very best and I do know that if God brings it to you, he WILL bring you through it!! God Bless!!

Answer 3

You definitely need to talk to him about it, but try not to turn it into an argument. Let him know that you care, maybe ask if there's anything in your personal relationship that he's concerned
about . I don't think it's unusual for men to get a bit restless especially when their partner is pregnant and stressed, but they shouldn't feel the need to hide it. Looking at pics of other women is one thing, striking up online relationships is quite another. Maybe you could get someone to watch the other kids while the two of you go out somewhere, even if it's just for an hour or so. Good luck and hope it works out!

Answer 4

my man thinks i'm nuts- it helps in situations like this. i am the most level headed person anywhere,BUT and it is a big BUT i tell him randomly like every month or two that i'll kill him if he ever cheats on me. i say it nicely and i let it go . then when i'm on the phone i let him hear how i tell my friends what to do in similar circumstances. how i would hurt him burn his stuff burn down the house ect.lol. in any case i overheard him tell a friend of his that he would never cheat, i'm crazy, and i would do bad things. so in your case i would do some pretty drastic stuff. i would have to go threw everything i said i would to a point because we don't want it to happen again. don't let him slide on this if you love him. but if you can't get past it and he's pulling away insted of pulling you close then you need to leave the son of a motherless goat lol .you shouldn't have to deal with this you didn't do anything wrong. so i would pile everything he owns into the frount yard and tell him that if he doesn't get his stuff together now then it's gone along with you and the kids. tell him your takeing everything with you when you go and he's going to have to start from scratch with weekly payments to you. if he trys to come in with that baby i'm sorry crap tell him that it's not good enough and you want prof that it wont happen again. throw the computer at him after you do what that other girl did with posting the info on his site and then explain that he'll never be so lucky as to find another girl like you anywhere because he's still breathing and anyone else would have killed his stupid butt by now.

Answer 5

You sound just like me only we have been married for 2 years and this is our first. I caught my husband clicking off of a message constantly when i walked by. Turns out he was cybering. I confronted my husband and he said it would never happen again but tonight he got an "audible" on yahoo messenger from some chick saying "hey sexy". I still worry a lot about it. We have been having a lot of financial stress too. Oh and his profile said "No answer" under marital status but he says he doesn't know how it got that way. If you want to talk just email me. I hope things get better for you soon.

Stay strong for your babies even though I know it is killing you but stress on you is not good for the baby. They feel what you feel.

Answer 6

i was going through the exact same thing it is kind of getting better now when i saw his page i was so mad i hacked into it and changed everything all his inf his background and put the kids pictures up and mine and put our 2 sons as his default and i sent emails to all these girls he was talking to telling them that he is married with 2 kids and that i know it wasn't their fault because he wasn't telling them the truth and i told them i did not want them talking to my husband again and they all agreed and said he was scum and then for icing on the cake i posted a comment saying honey i love you dont you just love being married to me kisses lol i felt soooooo good after doling that and then i confronted him about it and he said it was all a game and that it didn't mean anything i still check it from time to time and it seems to have stopped so good luck hope that if this didnt help then it at least gave you a good laugh and the strength to talk to your dog of a man haha arent they all dogs in some way though!!!!

Answer 7

dang sounds like a cheatin *** dog . who knows how many times hes cheated on you. and with looking for random ppl off the internet who knows what STDS they might be carrying. if i were you, id immdeatly stop sleepign with him, or use condoms when you do. i woudlnt trust him anymore. i dont know if u can dump him, sounds like u need his help with the baby and older children, so its up to you if u can make it work for thier sake or what not but he sounds like a real pig with absoultly no respect for you at all. good luck to you and just focus on yoruself and the kids - to hell wit h him maybe ull meet a hot guy yourself.
desipite what other answers have said here the adult freind finder - its cheating ok. he is obviously hooking up. the my space i woudlnt have been as worreid about but adult friend finders are for oen thing and one thing only is booty calls.

Answer 8

Maybe you should go to marriage conseling. Its not cheating until he puts actions to it, but it is still demeaning to you that he is even looking. Its not like he is just looking at a maxime or something, it seems as though he is preparing for the next step. I would definately try counseling.

Answer 9

what you two need to do honestly is talk. no 'why are you doing this' or anything of such. communication is key to a relationship. one thing that has always helped me is leave money to the side i know that's probably hard to even think to do but just do it and talk about you and talk about him and both of your relationships and how you feel. besides that no matter what make sure you don't not make rash decisions while angry.

Answer 10

Communication is the key, you need to discuss if without being confrontaional or angry (at first at least) the other arguing is normal car, money etc, but the "looking" for other women I assuming it's women or you have a whole nother problem on your hands, is something you really need to talk about it may be just harmless to him but hurtful to you. Good Luck!