I was unfaithful to my husband. How can i show him love after this? And show him that he is 50% to be blame.?

Question

He was away from me and my chidrens for 5 years and he has not being responsable, he is still not a good provider or a good sample for my children, I was only tring to look for someone better for me and my children, now after this he is being tring to be a better person but, he is very agresive and some times he is fisical his me, because what I did. Can this situation get better?

Answer 1

Well, the thing is, he is NOT 50% responsible for your unfaithfulness, is he. If he deserted you and your children, didn't provide for you, etc. etc., what you SHOULD have done is get a divorce first and THEN find someone better. Adding adultery on top of other problems that already exist do NOT make a marriage better.
As for your current situation, just exactly where do you see signs that your husband is trying to work things out? He is physically abusing you. This is him being a better person?
If you have learnt anything from your mistakes of the past, and if you truly want your children to have a better life, get them out of the hell that you call a marriage and get a divorce NOW.

Answer 2

There is NEVER a reason for physical violence!! If your husband is hitting you, you must find some help. There are shelters, there are counselors.
In a time when your husband is calm, in a good mood, tell him that him and the children are your life. Your home together means everything to you. You will always work very hard to care for your family. Tell him that you have made big mistakes in some of the things that you have said and done, but you realize very completely and will be there for him and the children. You are his best friend! You are the mother of his children...no one will ever love them like you do!! You both have to keep these little children as a priority.
If he won't listen and continues his meaness, then he is a sick man. Don't stay around for his violence to get worse. You both have to want this marriage to work..it cannot just be you that wants things to be better. He has to want this too!!
If he continues to make your life and the children's lives miserable, then he doesn't really care. He wants trouble.
You are not alone...millions of women are in your situation! The only way out is often through getting a skill of some kind...even at a daycare. You can put your children in the daycare and work there at the same time! Pre -schools are good,too. You do have experience with children! This is an important skill! Use it! You are special, you love your children, be proud of that! There are a lot of mothers out there who neglect their children...you don't. This is a wonderful thing!! Motherhood is one of the most important "jobs" on this earth!!! We need good people to populate this world!! Good luck to you!! Be strong!

Answer 3

Lucy,
It shouldn't have taken 5 years for you to see the man wasn't being responsible! You should have noticed that right away, now so much of the time has gone by and nothing can be done about the past!

Sorry if you're hurt or racked with guilt.

It sure is easier to blame the Spouse for whatever problems, BUT, it doesn't change what happened at all!

You don't have to "show" him your love, I mean, he isn't going to be responsive to it, anyway since you were unfaithful. He's going to need to deal it in his own way. You shouldn't make it more complicated at this time!

His being aggressive and hitting you is another side to this man and he needs to take control, AND you don't need to take it from him, neither!
Take your kids and go to a shelter.

Dear, it's hard to say if this situation can get better. For 1 thing, if your Husband doesn't get help for his "rage", there isn't much hope for your marriage. 2nd--------- if you both can be civil and agree to Counseling first before you call it quits, you can say you tried. and you should try for your kids too. This negativity stunts their growth mentally, please take it from me! So, start with Counseling and the both of you stay with it for as long as it takes! It all depends on if you both feel your marriage is worth saving, to begin with.

Just do something positive and you will know if it's the right step or not.

Best Wishes!

Answer 4

You should break up with him. It's not going to get better. If you wanted it to get better, sleeping around behind his back wasn't the answer. Now he'll always have that over your head. I don't know why he was gone for 5 years but that sounds like a good reason to call it quits. The fact that he is hitting you is even more of a reason to leave. Regardless of how wrong you were for cheating on him he shouldn't hit you and you shouldn't hit him. You both handled the situation wrong. If he wanted to leave for 5 years then he should had divorced you and if you wanted to have sex with other guys then you should have divorced him. Now you are in a situation where the divorce is 100% necessary because of all of the confusion. You have kids involved so you definitly need to create a more stable environment.

Answer 5

Get yourself (both of you) into counseling if you want to get on the right track. If he is unwilling, then you better think things through for the childrens sake. They don't need to see tension between you two. Children end up living what they learn. He obviously has an anger management issue. How could he possibly think that 5 years way is acceptable and that you should be waiting for his return. It sounds like he is still the same irresponsible with anger issues. Be honest with him and maybe he'll turn around. Who knows. At least you will know that you did the right thing. Also, set him straight - no more aggresive behavior! None! Respect yourself and your children, and do the right thing.

Answer 6

This makes no sense at all! His your husband and his been away from all of you for 5 years?? And you want to still show him love but his still not a good provider?? HELLO!! Wake up and smell the coffee. You've answered your own question now do it. Dump him, don't stay in an abusive relationship. Why would you want to. Who cares how much of it was your fault or his?? All that matters now is your kids and their welfare. Give them the stable life they need and stop worrying about showing him anything.

Answer 7

No, No, and definitly Not!

No, this situation won't get any better.
No, you can't show him love after this cause it's simply just not there. (You really said so in your question).
Definitly Not, can he be any part of the blame. You could have left him then like you wan't to do now.

p.s. How could you still consider him your man if he was gone for five whole years? I can understand there is prison, army, school, etc. But what was he doing for five years while he expected you to be faithful. If in fact it was prison.............I look at that as he walked out on you.

Answer 8

It all come down to self responsibility and you were the one that was unfaithful not him so how can he be 50% of the blame.
Just get a divorce and call it quits
And always remember
Action
Reaction
And then comes the
Consequences

Love & Blessings
Milly

Answer 9

Yes, only if he is willing to work at it . eventually time will heal all wounds.
You will have to do some work too.but you need professional help

It sounds that you where trying to shop around for a better deal. If he get physical that is a big can of worms. Remember child rel will love their daddy no a matter what and that t bond is very important for them when they will be parents

Answer 10

NO! It is time to forget about this looser. He was gone for 5 years. He is to blame. You said he is not a good example of what a man is to your children. They need to be included in your thoughts. But mostly he is a P.O.S. for being physical. Get rid of him, get a restraining order and sue his *** for child support. Get away with your children before one of these times he looses it and puts you in the hospital (or grave). There is never a reason be be physical with your spouse. THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, FOR ANY REASON. Good luck and get some help.