2007-03-24 16:32:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you are married for any length of time a co-dependency exists and that is natural. You have to compromise to enable two individual peop to live together peacably. You kinda lose yourself and do become one....well at least you try....it doesnt work though. Most people who have been married lose themselves...its kinda a natural thing. When you divorce it is going to take time to find yourself again, and the only thing I strongly urge you to NOT do.....is to fall into another relationship too soon. You have to find who you are again, and that wont happen overnight. You have to learn again what its like to be single...to learn how to be independent again. Too many people go from one relationship into another because they have learnt how to become co-dependent, and they need someone else in their life for them to feel whole. Time is needed to come to terms with your new status and time is the only way you are going to get to know yourself again. If you fall into another relationship, then all you are doing is transfering your co-dependency onto your new "love". Its not healthy. You have to find yourself again....you have to give yourself the time needed to find the person you were before you experienced the miserable marriage. If you give yourself that time, I think you will find that you are a better person now than who you were before you got married. Hurt seems to make us strong.....and if we acknowledge that fact and allow ourselves time to grieve....to come to terms with what has happened to us, then it will only be time before we find ourselves again.....a better, stronger self....you have to give yourself that time.....that is, of course, if you are serious to know yourself again.
Take care.
2007-03-24 16:49:30 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you know there are no easy answers. You're going to hurt for a while, a good long while. I was married briefly to an abusive woman who made me feel terrible about myself and then I felt like I would never be lovable or find someone who would love me again. That was 3 years+ ago and I still sometimes think about her and what happened.
You will get better, and will start to realize that you have value as a person - great value. You are not dead, your life is not over, and there is a lot of joy ahead for you.
It won't stop hurting overnight, but it will lessen over time, and you will also realize you've learned a lot of extremely valuable lessons along the way. And this seeming 'failure' at this point will eventually prepare you for a much more fulfilling relationship in the future.
I know it sounds ridiculous now, but you will learn from this terrible time and grow stronger. And you will eventually be thankful to be out of a bad marriage and have greater gratitude and appreciation for when the real thing comes around.
Good luck my friend, I sincerely feel for your situation and hope if nothing else you get a little light at the end of the tunnel from this answer.
2007-03-24 23:43:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to open yourself up after being hurt but remember that life is to short to be alone and not be loved or love someone. I know that you may be scared and this is very understandable but hold your head up high because you learn from every life experience on how to improve for the right one..because once you meet them you will thank God everyday for letting you go through everything to be as happy as you will be.Good luck!
2007-03-24 23:38:45 · answer #3 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be yourself after a while, believe me, you'll go through different stages, you will first be angry at that person, then you will cry a lot and get depressed, then you will want her or him back but after a while you will start feeling better and before you know it, you are OK
During this time your friends will become an important part of your healing process.
2007-03-24 23:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by Blanca T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 years in hell, 12 years free, still not my previous self, nor would I want to be since thats what got me into hell. But it takes a few years to get over the abuse. Then you 'll be somewhat cautious in the future having little tolerance for anything reminding you of the previous situation,and that's a good thing.
2007-03-24 23:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by Knownaught 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically you have to learn to live and move on past what has happened ... You may also need counseling to learn how to do so so you can heal and lead a better life after it. Learn from it and live wisely from now on and just be more careful in the future.
2007-03-24 23:36:59 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it takes a while to make the adjustment but you will given time. try not to be alone too much. go out with friends have fun and think positive.
2007-03-24 23:37:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to put the past behind you and leave your live ahead .
2007-03-25 00:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by ebiyedinak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋