We were separated and in the process of divorce but we have called the divorce off and are back together now. He said he figured we were getting a divorce and was so drunk and that it didn't mean anything. He just wants to be honest, put the past behind us and move on and have a great future together.
2007-03-24 16:25:50 · 20 answers · asked by JustWondering 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At first I would feel sick to my stomach about it and worry if he got a disease and maybe got the girl pregnant. After those worries could be wiped away; I would then remember that he was honest to tell me and that it did happen during a time when we were heading towards divorce and now be thankful that we are together and working towards a great future.
2007-03-24 17:09:36 · answer #1 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd feel pretty rotten, myself, but I'd have to understand that it happened at a time when we made the decision to separate, and doing what you want during separation is part of moving on.
He was drunk and didn't think there'd be any consequences at the time. Now, there may be some, but it's up to you about how much credence you will put on this. You can make it HUGE or you can let it go. If it becomes too big an issue, it will destroy any possibility of moving ahead. If you talk it through until you feel it is out of your system, and then let it go, you can move on to the next phase of a better relationship.
2007-03-24 16:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by Plexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say move forward. I guess with anyone your feelings would be hurt for their spouse to sleep with another person, whether in the process of divorce or not, it is just one of those things that you just don't want to see in your mind. Just do the best you can to leave it in the past, and start over. If it was a one night stand, then it didn't mean anything to him anyway, so I would not worry about it.
You have a second chance with him, so make it work.....and leave everything else in the past.
2007-03-24 16:40:17 · answer #3 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened when you were seperated so let the past be the past and forgive him for it and give the marriage and relationship another chance. I also suggest marriage counseling and help as well to learn how to get past this and to make your marriage better again. I feel you can get past this and move on with help and working on things together. At least he was honest with you and not living a lie by not telling you about it. I give him alot of credit for being honest and wanting to change things. He seems like a pretty good guy to me. He needs to be tested for stds though before you should be together again with him sexually and if you have been intimate since then you both should be tested.
2007-03-24 16:34:01 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure it hurts to think that your husband was with someone else, but honestly he did not do anything wrong and so it would be very very wrong for you to make him feel guilty and like a cheater.
However, now that you know you need to decide if that is something you can live with or if it will bother. If you cannot move past this (and appreciate the fact that you have a very honest husband) I would suggest calling it off again. You need trust and respect in a relationship and it wouldn't be fair to your husband if you stayed under those pretenses.
2007-03-24 16:33:37 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it happened to me and I didnt think too much about it. As far as I was concerned, I set him free....it wasnt divorce, but he wasnt with me, so that kinda makes him a free agent. We got back together, and I didnt think twice about it, but I didnt know he was a womaniser through and through, and this one night stand was just an extension of his need to be with other women. This is probably not your situation, and he had every right to be with anothe woman....he was free, and I wouldnt worry about it too much. Obviously, if you are back together again, you have sorted out your differences and realised you love each other and want to be with each other. Thats great. What he did while you were away from each other is irrelevant and I wouldnt worry about it too much, unless of course the reason for your separation was because of another woman. If that is the case, you NEED counselling to sort out the differences. You may love him, but I guarantee if another woman was the reason why you separated, without counsellingm you will never forget it.
2007-03-24 16:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if every word you just said is 100% true, you can forgive and together get some counseling, he will think about that from time to time - he will never forget it, she could have gotten pregnant and he'd be facing child support and a child with that woman the rest of his life, or even gottten a desease.
the part about being drunk was b.s. i hope you know that--even drunk we all know what we are doing, i would forgive my man if it was once and we were separated, but it would forever change our relationship, to be honest. there's never any excuse for adultery. we're SUPPOSED to be honest in a marraige, so i wouldn't applaud him for anything, my standards are very high.
2007-03-24 16:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is great that he wanted to be honest with you. And he did expect to be divorced soon. I am not saying it was right for him to do that, but the important thing is that he was honest with you and wants to have a great life together.
2007-03-24 16:30:24 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Glad that he was being honest...a little bothered I suppouse since you are back together but if you were going thru divorce proceedings which were later called off then Id keep reminding myself that it was a one time incident which happened when you were not together and he was upfront about it.
2007-03-24 16:34:08 · answer #9 · answered by krazyyybiotchh! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well! You were separated and getting a divorce. What more can I say.
2007-03-24 16:34:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋