What should i do?

Question

I have been married for about seven years, and i'm scared because I think i'm falling out of love with my husband. I don't feel the same way about him, I hate to see him coming home now, i try to be already in the bed and sleep when he gets home from work, since i'm still sleeping when he leaves for work.I have even taken pills so that i could be sleep when he gets home.The sex isn't even good anymore i'll rather go without. I'm so scared thati'm falling out of love with my husband.What should I do i'm really scared?

Answer 1

i know it's hard, but i think you need to turn around and face the fact that you do feel differently about your husband.
ask yourself why, and if you can't give yourself a direct answer, then you two have just grown apart too much.
it's not worth living out your life with these feelings, you owe it to your husband, and yourself, to make a change.

Answer 2

A lot of times when you're married that long your life gets into a routine. Everything is the same and soon you become the same person day in and day out saying the same things and doing the same things. So often people forget who they are and who their spouse is and they forget why they loved each other in the first place. Instead of falling asleep and avoiding your husband try to bond with him more. Do spontaneous things that you don't do day to day. When he gets home from work one night have some candles lit and a nice dessert or something and sit down and watch a short movie before bed. Get away during the weekend to a nice restraunt. If you can one night go stay at a nice hotel and just change things up. At first you may not feel like doing these things cause you're just not feeling the attraction but you might be surprised at how you feel at the end. If you purposely disconnect with each other than obviously you're not going to have a good relationship. try to communicate and again the key is to make things different and spontaneous in the bedroom and outside of it. Just think you have nothing to lose at this point. Hope it works out for you two. Good luck

Answer 3

I've been married 25 years, and there were some periods of time I felt the same way. I'm so glad I stuck with it. Do you have kids at home? Do you have money problems? Has he cheated on you? All of these things can cause LOTS of stress--which can really make sweet feelings go away.

Do you resent him? for not paying enough attention? not helping out enough? having more fun than you are? Resentment can also hurt your relationship.

I understand you're scared--I was too when I was feeling that way. Usually I figured out it was stress, resentment, or hormones, or general depression that was making me feel that way.

I suggest you pick a day about 2 and a half months from now and re-evaluate the situation. (2 and a half months should put you in a different part of your menstrual cycle) .If you still feel the same way or worse, its time for a frank discussion with your husband--but be prepared--he's going to be hurt and surprised. Men are surprisingly clueless.

Marriage counselling can help. Good luck --I hope things improve.

Answer 4

Your poor husband. Does he deserve this treatment? You make it sound like he's an unwanted stray dog you have to live with and you avoid him as much as possible.

Believe it for a fact - he's getting that message from you loud and clear, and that's part of the reason you're so estranged from each other.

I guarantee you he's feeling completely unloved if that's the way you treat him, and it's no surprise that your relationship has deteriorated. I bet he's living in hell.

Notice I haven't sympathized with you. Not because I don't see your position as sympathetic, but because if you have any chance of rekindling your relationship you need to start seeing things from his eyes, and start to do things that will help him feel more like a man and a valued person.

If he were asking the same question I'd give him the exact same answer. You're the only one to talk to so I'm not going to take your side and invite you to a pity party. You can save your relationship but you've got to:

1 - Remember why you fell in love with him in the first place

2 - Appreciate the things he does for you that he does to try to demonstrate his love for you

3 - Communicate how much you love him (unless there is no love left in you, you can build on what was originally there.)

4 - Stop treating him like an enemy. Seriously, you take pills to be asleep when he comes home? How about making some human contact - it would be good for both of you. I bet he works extra long hours just to avoid having to come home as things stand right now.

Why not have a real meaningful relationship? You can do it, but not until you take a good hard look at yourself. You deserve a better relationship than this. Please take action now and create it.

Answer 5

Spare a thought for the man. He gets up early, while you are still in drugged sleep to go to work, returns late to put food in your mouth and plan a future together. Appreciate him for that. Except there is someone else involved or some other kind of distraction (porn, drugs), then you probably need to see a dr. or a counsellor. I can t imagine just falling out of love with your husband, who has done you no wrong.

Having said that, you can make efforts to reignite your passion. Take a break with him, go out togethre, share fun things together; rediscover friendship, talk about your shared history.

Answer 6

There must be something more than you are saying. You don't just leave a marriage without any reason. Talk with your husband and explain to him how you feel. Maybe you guys are not spending enough alone time together. If you are getting sex at home, why leave? Must have an interest in another man huh?

Answer 7

This is sad. Come on, you've got to try and choose to love. Doesn't he go to work to provide for you. People change and people start growing apart through the trials of marriage. It's commitment to each other that is supposed to be paramount. You gotta talk to him about things. Find common ground. Don't let the marriage die through going separate ways. You yourself seem like you don't want that. Talk to him. Dont retreat into a coccoon through sleeping pills. Go talk and make it work.

Answer 8

You and he need to recapture the romance of the relationship. Start an email, IM, or text message fling with him, go on a romantic vacation, or weekend, do the honeymoon suite overnight. Marriages can become blah, but to lose him would ultimately make you very sad and then it's too late.

Answer 9

Imagine you putting Your love life on a scale.Place the good and the bad things that has come out of your relationship on it keeping in mind that everyone is equal,and that selfishness is a bad thing especially when children are involved.What weighs more, what are the flaws, and what is the best remedy?

Answer 10

If you feel you are falling out of love with your husband talk to him and tell him what you are feeling. Seek help and counseling for you and this marriage as well and try to fall back in love with him again. I think you both need to work at this marriage to make it good again. JMHO!