My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have 4 kids together and my husband is home on a short leave from Iraq. He has not always been the most trustworthy husband but swares that the time in Iraq has changed him. HOWEVER...he decided to leave me at home with our kids tonight to go out with his friend whom I do not trust. I told him how I felt before he left but I guess he didnt care cuz he went anyway. I dont want to be a nagging wife, so I promised myself I would not call him or bother him while he is out. I am extremely uneasy though and am having a really rough time wondering what he is doing and why he doesnt want to be home with us. He only has about 5 days left until he leaves to go back to Iraq. I feel extremely selfish for wanting him to be stuck at home with me and the kids..because I cant go out with anyone...why should he? How do I work through the anger and extreme jealousy and hurt I feel when he does this?
2007-03-24 16:10:44 · 5 answers · asked by Proud_Army_Wife26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't have friends? I mean you never have a chance to hang out with friends in all the months that he was away? Not once? Never ever?
If he was back for only one day, would he want to spend it with you or would you make him feel awful about how much work you do while he was away. If you treat him right, he will *want* to be with you. Make him understand that he is your hero and that you love spending time with him (not that you're glad he's back so that he can hold the baby and do the dishes while you go out and relax... see the difference? And the more you treat him well, the more stuff he'll want to do for you)
Since he's back for more than one day though, please understand it is entirely reasonable that he might want to spend a few hours with friends he hasn't seen in a while. For you to make him feel badly about that natural human tendency is actually cruel.
This answer probably sounds like I'm taking you to task and that's not my aim at all. As the woman in the relationship *you have the power*. Seriously. You do.
But *none* of your power resides in anger. If you nag and argue with him and belittle him and complain about him, that's just going to chase him away. If you love on him, make him feel like he's your man and the greatest man ever, watch how quickly he comes running to you.
Anger is never healthy for anyone, don't try to 'work through' it - there's no such thing. That's just a new age way of saying 'nursing a grudge and boy I'm really going to take it out on him later'. Instead, use your greatest weapon - love.
It will improve your marriage and relationship - it never fails.
Good luck.
2007-03-24 16:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you must feel right now but you also sound like you have thought about your husbands feelings aswell. You know what he has been through before he come home. This is alot for any man to handle expecially a husband and father of four. He knows he has life with you but he may want to let go in a way that he can not do with you..this is a guy thing..lol..I would let him go and try to understand that he loves you and your family. He just has deal with issues that you may not be aware of.
2007-03-24 16:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please! Give him the space to enjoy some guy time. It doesn't mean he loves you any less or the kids. He needs to be with his caveman partners in crime, and that is probably sitting at a bar drinking stale beer and watching a game. He has been in combat, he desperately wants to feel like he has his normal life back for a little bit. Give him that space, he will appreciate you so much more for just allowing him to be a guy for tonight and letting him hang out with his friends.
2007-03-24 16:15:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn it around.....put yourself in his shoes........he needed a short escape from the responsibilities of being a husband and a dad.....after dealing with the crap over there for howerver long.......its a transition period......remember.....hes away......hes not dad and husband....he needs a transition period.....understand this and you will release this anger......say" dear i know you have been away a while and you kinda feel distant....but the responsibilities of the family I have been holding while you have been away are taking a toll on me and I would really like if you shared some of them with me...........if you go out tonight can I go out with my friends tomorrow .....etc......see where I am going....learn from it dont HATE
2007-03-24 16:20:49 · answer #4 · answered by macrominded 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband about your insecurities. He needs to know how badly this whole situation is making you feel.
2007-03-24 16:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by diamoniquejazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋