I have a 22 year old daughter that her dad divorced me when he found out I was pregnant (he didnt want no f****kids.). I have spent 22 years trying to make up for her loser of her father. Shes married and divorced, has my 2 beautiful grandkids, and is now living with someone else. Everytime she needs anything, money, moral support, babysitter, ride (well u get the pic) I am the best mom in the world. After she got pregnant with her first child her loser of a dad shows up and demands an abortion (she was 15) and then disappeared for another 7 years. Well, he's back and he came down to where we live to see his "grandkids" (for me, u cant be a grandfather if u were never a father) the problem is that he's here for the weekend and she cuts me off on the phone and tell me she'll talk to me in a few days (when he's gone) She almost came out and said she dont want to hear from me while he's here. This was a slap in the face. Should I not be here anymore when its convenient for her.
2007-03-24 16:02:09 · 15 answers · asked by Carmela 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i understand your problem and its hard to tell you what to do,,,but,,,,,,your her mom and you love her,your always there for her when she needs you. For some reason she wants her dad in her life and i can understand you feel pushed aside,,,maybe a little jealous of the ex,,( thats understandable ),,but i would say to you to have patience,,,,cause when the bum leaves again,your daughter will probably feel bad enough that she's doing this to you right now,,, give her some space and i bet she will realize that you are her friend as well as her mother and she will respect you for it,,,,,,,
2007-03-24 16:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by igottadrive2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is get over the issues YOU have with her father!! I understand and totally agree that what he did was messed up, but she needs him! You calling him a loser and being so angry isn't helping and probably exactly why she doesn't want to hear from you while he is here. Stop being so selfish!! This truly isn't about you - it is about her desire to have a relationship with the father that has rejected her. You don't think she realizes what an idiot he has been?? She knows better than anyone that he hasn't been there for her, and I guarantee she feels the pain of that everyday! When she has the opportunity to grasp on to any bit of attention he is offering her, she will - every time!!! Your question was very telling. She got pregnant at fifteen - not uncommon for a girl who is longing for her father's attention. I know that this is hurtful for you, but try really hard not to focus on your pain! She loves you! You are the only sure thing she has in her life - she is secure with your love for her! Allow her to have her dad in her life for the brief moment he will be here. LOVE HER, and don't ever cut her out of your life!!!
2007-03-24 16:15:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to parenting 101!
You can't possibly be serious ............ You wouldn't be yourself (the kind of person that hang in there after the world has turned their back) if you cut her off. Don't hold it against her for not holding anything against her dead beat father. Being a only parent can be tough and you've done a wonderful job, however raising children can come to an end but being a mother never does. You need to understand that her fathers disappearing act will happen again and she will eventually come to terms with who she has on her team.
As far as her dissin' you because he's around, well .............. this may be the only way for her to deal with the issue. You didn't say it, but I can guess that you have made it quite clear to her that her fathers a creep and what you really think of him. She really don't feel the same way you do and this is just may be her way of keeping the peace. Allow her the room.
2007-03-24 16:22:10 · answer #3 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I can see your a little upset but I am going to tell you this is not a good reason to cut her off. If in fact this man is neverything you say he will be gone soon and you will be back into the pic. If you stop and think she may not want any drama while he is here for a mere 3 days. As for all the money and rides and things of the sort It kinda seems to me as if you have a littlle problem with it. Many things to work out here but hang in. Ask her when he goes why she did not want to talk
2007-03-24 16:09:27 · answer #4 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
exactly! Cut her for a while any way and let her see if Daddy will be there as much as youi were and then remind her of who was there during the midnight feedings, high temps, first dates high school troubles and so on. You have been there so much no matter what that she cant see you not being there she does not see the pain that it causes when a no good comes back in the pic and smells like the rose.... But his tru colors will show again because a leopard does not change his spots.... let her see on her own who the REAL parent is and she will realize what a good mother she has
2007-03-24 16:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by babyboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are smart you would teach her a vauble lesson and do the same to her when she is calling on you for stuff!! I know you love your grandkids but you are to blame for creating such a monster in her for always being at her beck and call and now she is showing her unappreciation because if she appreciated you then she would know that you never bite the hand that feeds you and not only that you would never make the person who's always had your back feel less then the best at all times for a S.O.B that has truely never been there!!!!!! You almost make me upset to know that she is treating you this way for a dead beat dad that was never there because I have a sister that almost does the same thing to my mom but she never gets away with it becuase me and my sisters would whoop her azz and knock some sense into her for being ignorant
2007-03-24 16:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by Jazzie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Deffinately do not cut her loose!
Think of how difficult this must be for your daughter. Of course it was tough for you, but she hardly even knew her father. It is up to her whether she wants him to be in her life or her children's life at this point. She is an adult.
She probably doesn't want any controversy while he is visitng. It seems like you two don't get along (understandably so!) Don't worry too much. She loves you. I'm sure there is some misunderstanding that can be solved by just talking it through. You don't want to lose your relationship with your daughter!
2007-03-24 16:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your daughter's point of view, she does have a dad--responsible or not. Its been hard growing up without a dad, thinking she's illegitimate and all. Do not let your bitterness spoil the good thing you have with your daughter and your grandchildren. Respect her need for a father and your grandchildren's need for a granddad. If he is as bad as you paint, she will find out herself. You have little to lose except your bitterness, which is good for you. Be happy.
2007-03-24 16:11:08 · answer #8 · answered by Elder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should be there for your daughter no matter what. For now let her spend time with her father, maybe after all the years of not being there he's truly trying. I know it hurts but do not give up on her.
2007-03-24 16:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by Short stuff 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is going to be that rude to you then I think you should give her some tough love. The next few times she needs something from you tell her your busy and can't do it. I also think that you should have a talk with her and tell her this really bothers you.
2007-03-24 16:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by Tater Tot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋