For people who have been married for over 10 year?.....?

Question

More and more people these days are getting divorced... how do you stay married so long? what's the secrect?

lol..good one... ops_1

lol..good one... ops_1

Answer 1

Are you happy with who you are? If not, this is the biggest culprit in divorces besides money. Do what you need to be who you want to be, you'll feel better and your spouse will also reep the benefits from it.
Try starting over with the simple things, do you still hold hands, kiss him/her good by, say I love you, tell him/her he/she did something good, and as always do a little more to spice up the sex life (the way to a man's heart is thru his....). Try to remember the good things he/she does and let go of his/her faults. I hope this helps you. Marriage is the hardest job on earth, it takes alot of out of a person but if you truely love the man/woman it's worth it to have them with you till you die.

Answer 2

One has to learn to prioritise the relationship above all else. Cherish your marriage, in the truest sense.
Another thing is not letting it all hang out. It's easy to get so comfortable in a marriage that you stop caring how your partner sees you. I think one should keep the magic alive by making the effort to look good for him/her. Don't have to do everything in front of each other, or with each other. Let there be a little private space as well.
Also, don't get carried away by the "equality" thing. You don't become lesser if you give a little extra. What you gain in terms of relationship satisfaction is far greater than what you might lose in letting go of your ego a bit.
Also, if you're a woman, don't give him everything all the time. Let him want a little, it keeps the excitement and chase factor alive.
Make a genuine effort to get along with his family, it really does make a difference to him, and hence somewhere to your realtionship. They won't always be there, so put up with the parts you don't like. It's alright. Your marriage bond will get deeper and stronger, with more trust and respect in the relationship and that's definitely worth it.
Also, don't think of divorce as an option (unless of course, the situation is extreme and warrants it). If you are in a marriage with the mindset that you can always walk out of it, then you'll surely find enough reasons to do so, which actually you can work out if you give yourselves time and understanding. You have to WANT to make it work and WANT your marriage for keeps.
Remember also that love constantly evolves and matures. If you want the headiness of the initial days to last forever, that's an unrealistic expectation. You two are growing together, and so your love also grows and takes on different hues.
Actually, all of the above is just good common sense!
All the best to you!!

Answer 3

There is no secret.If 2 people really love eachother than they will stay together through anything.I have been married for 11 years.We have had some very rough times.We believe that if we can work together to over come the rough times,then the good times are that much more worth it right?We are also VERY jealous people.You have to make sure that you are compatable to begin with.After 11 years if I see a girl standing too close to my husband it makes me jealous.LOL.Its true.He is my man.If you dont feel that after 10 years then you might as well kiss your marriage goodbye.Its also very important to get that butterfly feeling in your tummy when your husband kisses you.I get that even after 11 years.You know you have something if you still get butterflies.

Answer 4

Simple answers:
1) the 1st year is the most important for it sets the tone for the rest of your marriage. Love poorly and selfishly, be insensitive and uncaring, have limited forgiveness, etc., and your marriage will be a hell on earth. REMEMBER THAT MARRIAGE IS NOT A 50/50 PROPOSITION: EACH OF YOU IS 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE MARRIAGE, NOT 50%. YOUR RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR 100%-- DROP DOWN TO 50% AND PROBLEMS WILL SURFACE QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) lots of humor- laugh and enjoy each other. marry someone who would be your friend first
3) learn to solve problems without the damaging effects of anger and arguing
4) make the right choice up front- most marriages end due to poor choice out of the gate... from there the problem multiply quickly
5) establish a spiritual connection
6) marry someone who is at your emotional level or higher- marry a loser and you'll pay dearly
7) look at important issues before you marry (roles, # of children, religious convictions, who will work and who'll stay home with the kids, etc.)
8) have ton of sensual sex
9) Make "us" or we a priority
10) Make each other feel good
11) support each other's dreams and life goals
12) tend to the fire, both within and outside
13) allow for time apart
15) be open, honest and willing to learn and make mistakes
14) the list is endless

g'Luck

Answer 5

There is no secret. It's about committment mainly and respect and friendship. Of course there has to be passion but that is something that you can create. You have to work at your relationship by investing time and yourself into it. Never stop to consider whether your spouse is giving as much as you, just concentrate on giving 100% of yourself. Pragmatically speaking, however, counselling before marriage and ironing out some of the issues and differences between you such as your view on finances, sex, children,money, inlaws, holidays, finances, chores, responsibilities, trust, money, vacations, hobbies, money, leisure time, money, religion, and did I mention finances and money? Learn how to fight fair (and yes you will fight) and stick to the rules. Try very hard to keep yourself attractive and clean so your spouse will be proud of you. Don't forget to compliment and praise your spouse and be nice to each other. Hold hands. I have been married almost 27 years and my husband still lights my fire. One of the sweetest things he ever said to me after the birth of our 2nd child, and I had put on a few pounds, was, everytime he looked at me, all he sees is that 19 year old girl he fell in love with. Needless to say, I lost the weight, the kids grew up and we now have this great big house all to ourselves and we're having a blast! Hope you can find what I have.

Answer 6

I have been married for almost 12 years what my husband and I do is we never go to bed angry. we talk things out and listen to one another. It isnt always easy but no one is a mind reader if something bothers you dont be afraid of pointing it out just dont scream it at the person.No one responds well to being yelled at. No marriage is 100% perfect all the time that is the most important thing to remember.

Answer 7

The main thing is to forget all other people in the world are even here, your time should belong only to your husband and your kids, and his only for you and the kids, i got a divorce because my wife liked to socialize to much, and any time i had with her always had to involve her friends or her family, basically i was married and alone, so forget having a social life and mixing it with marriage, that only leads to someone sleeping in the wrong bed.

Answer 8

I've been married for 22 years. We are always very open and honest with each other. We talk about everything. We were friends before we got married. We give each other space and love each other without trying to change each other.

Answer 9

Keeping the lines of communication open, don't be selfish, put your spouse and their feelings and needs before your own. And NEVER go to bed angry. Even if it means sitting up and talking and resolving the problems.

Also, don't be afriad to admit when your wrong. I know some people have a tendency to always want to be right, but when your wrong, admit it, because it can save a huge fight.

Answer 10

First marry someone that you love.
Second marry someone you respect and that respects you.
Third marry someone who makes you laugh and your toes curl when you kiss.
Forth don't try to change your partner - your married the perfect person so why change them.
Fifth, don't sweat the small stuff or it will take over.

Married 27 years and counting.