My husband refuses to consider any permanent birth control solutions for us?

Question

I'm out of birth control options!! I cannot take hormonal birth control due to a seizure medication I'm taking (its the only one that works), have had severe bleeding from IUDs, have skin reactions to condoms and spermicide and no matter how many times a diaphram is fitted, it doesn't stay in place and is reallllly uncomfortable anyway. My doctor says that the only options left are for my husband to have a vasectomy or me to have a tubal. we NEVER want to have kids but my husband refuses to consider any of our few solutions and says that we just shouldn't have sex.

We've been married less than a year and I can't handle years of abstinance. I'm also afraid that, based upon his high sex drive, that this will ruin our marriage because he is eventually going to look for someone else. His excuse is that we will "eventually" want a child 10+ years from now. Is there any other way to prevent pregnancy in this situation? Help please!!!

Answer 1

Personally, I discussed this with my fiancee before marriage, but since this is just now coming up for you guys, I would suggest marriage counseling for this. It would be an excellent chance for you to talk it out in a civilized fashion, and it will help him realize how unreasonable he is being. If you have seriously exhausted all options, then it sounds like a vasectomy or tubal are your only options. I think through counseling he'll realize that the surgery will be MUCH gentler on him than you. Also, I think you should find info online (try www.webmd.com) about vasectomies. Some men are highly uneducated about it, and for some bizarre reason, they think they are getting "neutered" like a dog or something, which is completely false.

Overall, the decision to have a surgical procedure done has to be a decision made by both of you. Personally, I think he needs to respect you and the fact that you have done everything one your part for BC, and now it is time for him to step up to the plate. I think that if he wants kids in the future, he should be adopting anyways. There are tons of homeless children out there waiting to be adopted! He could also have his sperm frozen. It is not your fault that you cannot take BC meds because of your seizure meds. He needs to realize that he is your partner in life, and he needs to help make accommodations. Regardless, if he is unwilling to cooperate after counseling and extensive discussions, I would seriously consider divorce. I know it sounds awful because you have been married for such a short period of time, but you do not deserve to be made "abstinent," and you do not deserve to have a constant fear that he may cheat on you (which I think he might). On the bright side, at least you are seeing all this now while you are still early on in your marriage.

Good Luck, and Take Care

EDIT: I wanted to note that the natural planning method that other posters have described are not reliable, and you will have a high risk of pregnancy. Taking your temperature and charting your cycle are only useful in ADDITION to other BC methods, like condoms are BC pills

Answer 2

Yes you still have several options, while nothing is 100% effective, it's better than just winging it. Your husband is right in one thing, you all have been married less than a year and what he is trying to tell you is that, his or your mind may change and he doesn't want to have a permanent fix just yet.

You can use the rhythm method for starters, it's easy to use.
1. buy a basal body thermometer
2. It will have the grid and instructions with it, (just make copies of the grid)
3. when your temp starts to rise DO NOT have sex, your starting the ovulation phase.
4. MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR TEMP BEFORE YOU GET OUT OF BED!!!!

I'm allergic to latex condoms. They make a sheep skin with or without spermicides. Get the one without spermicides due to your allergies. These are the only condoms I can use. You can also get an ovulation kit to test to help tell when your in fertile phase. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

You could chart your cycles and determine when you are fertile/when you are not. It's more reliable than the pill or other options...plus it brings couples closer together. AND, as a lovely bonus...you will learn load more about your general health. There is a doc in Omaha doing lots of ground breaking research that the charts can tell him what health issues you may be looking ahead to and how to PREVENT! Like osteoporosis and breast cancer. Google Dr. Thomas Hilgers, Pope Paul Institute.

Good luck! :)

Answer 4

there ARE other options!
--your husband & you are your only sexual parteners,right?
so no worry about that whole gnarly STD thing.
cervical caps,sheepskin condoms,you name it. the world is your for the taking,doll.

besides,I don't trust doctors.they're too young & don't know how to deal with real life,or they've been in the biz too long & haven't kept up with recent developments. worse comes to worse,go to the Planned Parenthood website & they may have further insight than I do.

best of luck. I've been through similar predicament.

Answer 5

This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!

Answer 6

try different types of condoms not made from latex. also theres the depo shots you can take. ask ur gyno about male birth control also. your husban probably wants kids and if u or him get "fixed" the only possible chance to have kids is to adopt.

Answer 7

You have been married only a year and he is being this inconsiderate and thoughtless already?

If he is being that inconsiderate of you and your wishes, you have two choices:

1. Leave him. You don't need that crap from anyone.

2. Get yourself a hysterectomy (if you can) or a tubal. Tubals don't always last.

I personally would leave him. Your marriage is already over.

Answer 8

You could try natural family planning which means don't have sex when you are fertile.

They also make a lambskin condom you could try.

There is also a female condom.

Answer 9

Sounds like he would concider having a child in the future once your relationship has been running for a longer period of time.

Answer 10

Perfect time for a divorce. No kids. No children to consider.