I'm writing an essay for school and I need so opinion. If you do you think this two lines will catch the reader's attention causing the to want more? Here are the lines:
I just witnessed the opening of a secret portal leads to a dark land reigned by confusion and destruction. A place where death is a goal, and happiness is dressed with the clothes of sadness.
2007-03-24 15:21:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Primary & Secondary Education
I forgot to write the "that" so it would actually look like:
I just witnessed the opening of a secret portal that leads to a dark land reigned by confusion and destruction. A place where death is a goal, and happiness is dressed with the clothes of sadness.
2007-03-24 15:38:21 · update #1
its a really good opening actually. its suspensful and it makes people wanna find out more about this place. hope the rest turns out just as good
please send me the rest at isabella5000usa@yahoo.com if u could. :)
2007-03-24 15:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess you have already turned in the essay, but I would say:
I just now witnessed the opening of a secret portal in my bedroom wall, which leads to a dark land where confusion and destruction reign....a place where death is a goal, and happiness is dressed in the guise of sadness.
Whew, I don't know how you are going to top that in the remainder of the essay!
2007-03-24 15:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by helpfulhannah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is a good way to start your story.
EXCEPT for one thing -- the "happiness is dressed with the clothes of sadness" line doesn't fit in. Think of it this way -- if a happy person wore dark clothes and looked sad, they wouldn't really be sad, right? They'd still be happy at the core, but just pretending to be sad.
That's basically the same thing happening in your sentence. It's not working, because all you're REALLY saying (once people take the time to really read the line) is that happiness is just dressed up as something it's not -- it's just pretending to be sad or putting on a sad front. So really, it's still happiness, and this place sounds like somewhere where happiness just does not exist. See what I mean?
Rewrite that part so that the continuity of your starting passage makes more sense. Otherwise, you've got a good start!
2007-03-24 15:59:33 · answer #3 · answered by Tamara V 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i like it. It definitely catches the attention of readers. Good luck on the rest of it. It sounds like an interesting topic.
2007-03-24 15:25:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would read more...
"happiness is dressed with the clothes of sadness." I like that!
2007-03-24 15:24:56 · answer #5 · answered by nostromobb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are one person who knows how come up with open lines...in my opinion i would continue reading it
2007-03-24 15:40:39 · answer #6 · answered by Girl in search of an answer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's pretty creepy sounding...i would stay away from that portal!
have a nice day.
2007-03-24 15:24:56 · answer #7 · answered by sharrron 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
interesting i would read it hehe if your making a story from this send it to me sounds real good!
2007-03-24 15:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by That guy you know :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool,but what about cloaks of sadness.......i like it
SEND ME THE STORY WHEN YOUR DONE WITH IT!PLS.
2007-03-24 15:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by TheSweetRevenge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...great start sweetie.
Engrossing, even. It needs someone to Edit it for you.
GREAT start, again.
2007-03-24 15:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by Debi in LA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋