my husband slapped me what should I do?

Question

I've been married for 6 years, and everything has been great. He's been stressed lately about work, and so have I. We have demanding careers (he's an attorney, I am a marketing executive) I want to move to a bigger house, and start thinking about starting a family. he likes our house and thinks that we should wait. He was also just passed up on a promotion that really should've gone to him. Well we had an argument, and I said something he didn't like, and he slapped me. I did hit him back, but we have never had an argument like that before. This happened about 5 days ago. He's apologized repeatedly, and he even bought me a gift. But the incident raised a red flag. I love him dearly, but I will be damned if I become a victim. I just don't know what to do. My best friend said I should have a trial seperation, and consider a divorce, but I think that may be severe. I haven't told my family because I don't want my dad to beat the crap out of him. I am confused as to what to do,

Answer 1

Normally, I'd tell you to leave this guy. But, in this instance, his slap wasn't typical of him and he doesn't sound like an abusive guy in general. You need to sit down and tell him you will not tolerate abuse, and that you will forgive him "this once" (especially since you hit him back!), but you feel you need some marital counseling and that he needs to see a doctor about his stress level. It sounds as if he is very, very stressed right now and that you aren't in line as to your future together. You want a family; he wants to wait. You want to move; he wants to stay. You need counseling to talk these things out without violence. Don't listen to your friends. Your husband seems genuinely sorry. Accept his apology and move on with working things out with a counselor. (If he does it again, my advice would be to separate, however.)

Answer 2

You need to sit down with him and have a serious
talk, and inform him that that is the last time that
you will accept any physical or mental abuse. You
need to stand your ground on this as no man has
the right or the excuse to hit a woman. You also in
your conversation need to tell him you were sorry
for hitting him but it was a reaction from him slapp-
ing you. If it happens again then you need to take
the next step which is seperation and let him know
why and make him seek counseling and go with
him to incourage him, and if all else fails then you
should know what the next step is. If you love him
and he loves you then a mistake can be made and
given another chance, but remember the chance
is already in place, Good luck.

Answer 3

My suggestion would be for the two of you to seek counseling and he as an Attorney should have suggested this himself. The "raised red flag" is a VERY good gut instinct of yours. Being stressed is NO cause for hitting a woman NOT matter what and he KNOWS this. Do NOT become a"victim" and it was good that you told someone,so that if this happens again,and I PRAY it doesn't that you can then go to your Parents and tell them about it. My own gut instinct is to discuss this with a Minister and ask your Husband to seek help by going to an "Anger Management" Specialist. Good luck and do NOT let him hit you again,ok? By the way,it was NOT good that you hit him back,but however it might also have shown him that you would NOT take it either. Buying a gift for hitting someone is like trying to "cover up" a crime. Hitting his wife WAS a crime and he KNOWS it. You might want to seek out a Woman's Crisis Center Counselor for yourself as well. I am Praying for you,and glad your Friend is there for you and Your Family as well.

Answer 4

Just because he slapped you doesn't mean that he don't love you anymore. Yes, nobody wants to become a victim but you need to overlook that if this is the first time in 6 years. You have to see that both of you were in stressful situations. Forgive him because you did hit him back too. He could easily feel like you were abusing him as well. I don't think you should make it such a big deal.

Answer 5

We all have been guilty of doing something that was completely out of character for us. Lighten up a little, be a little more understanding, and slap him...just tell him you owe him one and the score will be evened before you two go any further...he needs to really see what he has done. And I am not joking! Trust me, he will NOT forget that lesson. And slap him as hard as you can, just as he did you.
IF it ever happens again, then you have a real problem ... but right now, I think that tit for tat is called for...immediately. Then you can spend the next few days appolgizing to him...let's see if it makes it alright for him, as he thinks it should for you! Hitting your spouse as he did is NOT acceptable behavior...teach him that lesson right now, or move out. IF he doesn't learn the lesson, and if you let this go, you are sending a signal that it is ok to hit you as long as he says, "I'm sorry" afterwards...it is NOT ok.

Answer 6

I think you should take your queues from your husband. If this has only happened once, and you talk to him and don't think it will happen again-stay. Don't throw away what you have built for the last six years. Let him know that you will not become his punching bag, and if it happens again you will be leaving him. Even if it happens 20 years down the road, make him believe that if he ever puts his hands on you that way, it's over for the both of you. Stress does make us do things we normally wouldn't. Being rash in decision making sometimes causes regret, take your time and do what is right for YOU!

Answer 7

Tough question. Create some civility in house by introducing some meaningful extracurricular activity like drama, going to exhibitions or some thing you like to do. You two seem like nice and educated people. Do not listen to divorce things from blue collar losers... its just for them. Give yourself a chance. If it happens again seperate for at least 6 months. After third time, divorce. But it does not mean that you let him off easy, make him understand that beating does not express anything but total frustration and weakness.

Answer 8

People are not for hitting. A man who hits once can hit again, but harder the next time. Do not stay with him unless he goes through some serious counseling for anger management. Don't let your dad hit him, that just proves he was right for doing it to you.
If he is so stressed that he has to hit someone he loves, then he needs to find a better place to release that emotion. That is what gyms are for, to work it out.

Answer 9

This is a red flag and also how the beatings start. Seek Professional help. A therpaist can talk to both of you and get to the real problems underneath. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Girl you need to get out of there now, Don't make excuses for it either...Children shouldn't be brought into this marriage either, one slap is one too Many...You were wrong as well, Never slap, hit, punch, someone will eventually go too far and kill the other. That's It Its over. Your both professionals and have a head on your shoulders, he being a lawyer ,SHAME on him, No turning back. Counseling probably wont work he'll know the right words to say to get himself out of trouble.