If i don't get along with my mother in law, then whose side should my wife take? Mine or her mother's?

Answer 1

The side she WANTS to be on!

Answer 2

If at all possible, neither. And you should try to avoid making her take sides (or her making you take sides against your parents).

No happiness ever came from the statement, "It's me or them - choose!" Love isn't a football game where we pick teams to be on. If you force her into a corner, even if she picks you, she's not going to be happy, ergo, you won't be happy. It'll be what they call a "Pyrrhic victory," where you win the palace but burn it to the ground in winning it.

That said, she should accept if you don't agree with your in-laws. So long as you make an effort to be polite to your MIL (and I mean really polite, not "gritting my teeth and making cutting comments while smiling"), then your wife (and MIL) have no legitimate cause for complaint.

You love your wife, yes? Want her to be happy? Proud of you? If you're making an effort to be courteous, no matter the provocation, then your wife, if she has any sense, will be proud and grateful. Making her choose between you and her mother will make her tense and unhappy.

That said, there are some instances (dangerous behavior, for example), where you have to plant a flag. So you discuss the situation with your wife, explain (calmly) why you can't just sit by and ignore it, and the two of you try to reach a choice together. If, for example, your MIL is abusing your kids, you plant your foot and insist no MIL in the house and no MIL around the kids, and that's that. If your wife didn't agree under those circumstances, then you have a serious problem.

If it's something "not illegal or dangerous but annoying," however, you can reasonably ask not to be subjected to your MIL, but this is for extreme situations. Otherwise, your best course is to paste the most sincere smile you can manufacture on your mug and make the best of it for a short time, then thank God you don't have to see the woman every day.

Answer 3

Well taking someone's side blindly is wrong, no matter who holds the opposing views. Your wife's loyalty should certainly be with you, but if you want her to agree with you just because you are her husband, then I think that is a little unrealistic because we all have our differing opinions. If, however, she is siding with her mother on every issue, even when you are right, then I would be very concerned. I would certainly be raising this issue with your wife and tell her that you expect far more loyalty than she is showing. In saying that, however, dont let your dislike of the mother-in-law cloud your judgement.....Maybe she disagrees with you for a reason....maybe she doesnt think you are right.....Maybe this has nothing to do with mother versus husband. Talk to your wife, let her know exactly how you feel. Compromises, obviously need to be made in the relationship. If her mother is coming between you and your wife, then it needs to stop and your wife needs to understand just how serious this situation is turning out to be. Maybe if it is bad enough, you may have to give her an ultimatum. Its not her mother who she is going to grow old with. Its not her mother she wakes up to every morning. It is not her mother she married....maybe she needs to be reminded of this. Maybe you also need to remind her that her mother will not always be there....we all get old and die and if she is not prepared to support you, then who will be there when her mother dies.....because you cannot come second to her mother forever....there will come a time where you will say enough is enough.

Answer 4

Quite naturally she should take your side, but it would be best not to make her chose sides. It could put a strain on your marriage. So try to get along with mom-in-law even if it means swallowing tour pride at times or just staying clear of her as often as you can. People can give you advice, but you are ebst to pray for wisdom and guidance from GOD. I could tell you stories about my mother-in-law. It was obvious that she was trying to put a wedge between my husband and I the first 5 years of our marriage and he did not see what I saw for a long time. I tried telling him-that was a big mistake! But one day his eyes came open and we have been ONE ever since. That was 30 years ago. Just dont run your mother-in-law down, just pray for her privately and pray together with your wife every day-it will strengthen your relationship.





THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER,
STAYS TOGETHER!***

Answer 5

Man.. just go to WalMart and buy a shotgun and shoot yourself.. this is a no win situation.. trust me...

as a wife she should take yer side.. BUT thats not gonna happen with American wives..

(I recommend the mossberg 12 guage pump)

If shes xtian(yeah right) i guess you could always use the old biblical argument.. and they shall forsake the parents.. and the two flesh shall become as one (praphrased)...

Marriage always overrides parents biblically... (good luck.. walmart has a sale this week BTW)

Answer 6

I think that your wife should stand by you in public even if she thinks that you are wrong. Then when the two of you get home, she should discuss the situation. She should never go against you in front of others. The two of you should always present a united front, then behind closed doors, iron the thing out.

Answer 7

First of all, your side. Second I have learned that not talking to the mother in law at all is a great solution to all problem!!!!!!

Answer 8

Pistols at twenty paces. Your wife should stay out of the way.

Answer 9

to do the Goldy thing she must stand by you, [forsaking all others, God says you and her are One] but you both need to be respectful and cvil towards the mother, at the same time,

Answer 10

Well by marriage yours. She took the vows and now she wants to make a bed that is comfortable only for her.... That bed needs both of your prints on it.

Answer 11

Well, it depends on what the issue is. But in most instances, it should be the hsuband she sides with.