I AM 30 Y/O AND BEEN INVOLVED WITH A 37 y/o WOMAN FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS. SHE HAS 2 KIDS 10 Y/O BOY AND 15 Y/O GIRL. IT HAS BEEN A TOTAL ROLLERCOASTER WITH HER. WITH THE KIDS IT;S BEEN GOOD BUT NEVER HAVE GOT THAT LOVE A KID WOULD GIVE TO A PARENT. SHE HAS CONTROLED THE THINGS I HAVE DONE TRYING TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON BUT IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO RELISE THAT SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO TURN ME INTO THE PERSON SHE WANTS NOT THE PERSON THAT I AM. SO NOW I DO HAVE A BETTER JOB BUT ALOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE GONE SHE A ALIENATE ME FROM THEM FOR SO LONG THAT THAT IS MY BIG WORRY IF I LEAVE HER WHAT WOULD I DO WITH MY TIME. YES I WOULD MISS THE KIDS BUT YET I NEVER GOT THAT LOVE FROM THEM. THINGS WITH HER HAVE BEEN GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TO THE POINT THAT WE NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT I WOLD CALL FUN WE NEVER GO OUT WITH OTHERS AND SHE WANTS TO GET A HOUSE SO I NEVER GET TO SPEND MY MONEY ON ANYTHING MEANINGLESS EVER.SO I AM HOPING THAT THERE IS A WISE SOUL OUT THERE WITH GOOD ADVICE FOR ME.
2007-03-24 13:22:59 · 7 answers · asked by rubyskiez 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are in an unhealthy relationship, and you need to be in a happy place with the person you want to spend your life with. You even admit that she is trying to change you to be who she wants you too be, you need to be with someone who respects you for you, and loves you for the man that YOU are, not who they can mold you into.
You need to leave her,NOW, not tomorrow, no, tell her you can't deal with her controlling ways and that you need to move on, you have lost too much by being with her and you need to leave now before you lose any self respect for yourself
2007-03-24 13:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this really about leave or not...or is it about can you change it or not?
Sometimes people forget how to appreciate people. Being that you are younger it is possible that you resent her efforts over the years. She on the other hand may be sick of exercising as much control as she has and has forgot that you grew up some time ago.
You only wrote a little. But isn't it possible that you to could learn to communicate and appreciate again. She has to let you make 50% of the decisions. If you don't want a house, or you don't feel it is your half/decision, it would piss anyone off. As for kids...well kids are kids. I know no 10 year olds that are warm and fuzzy..and 15 year olds don't care about any adult. So don't think that they don't care. You may be their friend and not a parent role for them.
You mention rollercoaster. If it sucks for all these years you would have left. I am sure you didn't use her. So there must be some good. Any relationship takes work to maintain or improve. I am not saying that it is your job...but you might want to present it as an option for the two of you.
Why didn't you get married? That is a weird thing. Is it that you just wanted to hang on to something? And you also mentioned that she is just trying to make you into the person she wants....are you sure about that? Maybe she just wants the best for you...and you haven't put your foot down about your dreams. If she sees you as a child...then perhaps you are ready to leave the "nest"...but if she just doesn't know how to let you fly on your own, then try the "time to really talk strategy"
5 years is a long time. You can make anything good if you want it and she wants it. Instead of just leave...make the mature effort to see what she really wants out of life. Don't make it about you...as much as an exploration of what both of you want and need. Try to create as much love and communication as possible. You don't say that you all fight all the time...just that you feel controlled or perhaps snuffed out right now. It is hard to change roles...but tell her you are ready to step up to the plate.
If she during this most important time blows it off repeatedly, you know that she wants to control more than you can take. But it is likely that she doesn't know that she is making you miserable. TALK>>>>>>and talk some more.
That is all you need to know what you should do. You don't need us...you need her to tell you her vision of your relationship and see if you can mesh your goals together.
Love and marriage are a business too. Run your business well and everyone is happy.
2007-03-24 20:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wants the traditional family relationship and you want to have some of that but yet still live life like a bacheolor as well. If you cannot commit to the family then you need to go.
Good luck!
2007-03-24 20:32:46 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do all the things you want to do without her and see how she responds. It may make her upset, but you appear to be miserable. A little time away is the best thing for a boring or tired relationship. Consider a short term separation.
2007-03-24 21:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing i can say is this relationship dosnt sound like there is any love in it,so whats the point??
Relationships are supposed to be about love,thats why you are with someone,because you love them.
Get out of this relationship mate cause you deserve someone better who can give you love and children who love you.Goodluck
2007-03-24 20:30:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 yrs. is not that long to consider her on making you that kind of a person... i guess you weren't that young when you met her. even if you haven't decided yet on leaving her, it would just be fair enough for her what you are thinking, have you ever thought of anything the she might have given up for you? you have considered yourself... now you might just have the time to consider her... her options for the matter.
2007-03-24 20:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by lorms 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not married, ask you self if this is the person you can live the rest of your life with. If the answer is no - time to leave
2007-03-24 20:28:52 · answer #7 · answered by PuckDog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋