I'm pregnant and now my dad wants nothing to do with me?

Question

I'm 21 and just about to graduate from an out-of-state college. Last week i told my mom i was pregnant and then she went and told my dad. He wont talk to me at all. He wont look at pictures of my bf and he never wants me to come home. I was considering living there this summer to save money before the baby's born but he doesn't want me there. He says he wishes he had never helped pay for my education since after all that this is how I repay him.

I dont know what to do. My mom is pretty supportive but i don't want to cause a huge fight in their marriage. I'm scared to call him and i'm just going through so much right now that i don't even feel ready. But what if he never talks to me again? I dont even know if he'll still come to my graduation in 2 months. Is there anything i can do to make him feel better?

Answer 1

The best thing you can do to help him realize he is wrong is to give him his time. Your mom can be with you for the baby shopping and planning...don't give her a hard time while you're together, though.

Eventually your dad will come around...make sure you don't do anything to alienate him after he gets over this shock though...I mean, don't get in a huge screaming match and yell things you really shouldn't say.

He's probably just not ready for this (like you, right!), but you're his little girl and now he has to instantly realize you're a woman, and he has to realize he is going to be a grandpa. This is also huge for him and he's feeling a bit out of control.

Give him his time, he will come through; and there's no way he won't love it though...eventually.

Answer 2

I feel for you I was in the same situation I was also 20 comming from a very strict no dating rule till I was 18 lets say my dad was extremely shocked. He looked at me after a few months it took awhile though he really needs time to process the whole thing. Once he relizes you are showing and there is nothen that can be done he will hopefully change well that's what happened for me...Now he is the best grampa any kid could ask for. Once you have the baby your life will change and once he see's his grandkid he won't be able to be upset anymore..Baby's have that way on people. I really sympasize with you but all I can say is give it a little time for him to come to reality your not his baby anymore and that's lot for a dad to handle now that i Have 4 children and am 30 my dad has really opened up to me on his feelings and it really was more that he was scared for my health and how was I going to be able to support a child at a young age. If you ever need someone to vent to or talk to you can e-mail me I would love to help especially on pregnancy questions. I have 4 children under the age of 8 not and had alot of birthing complications with the last which ended in a hysterectomy or else I wanted # 5...Good luck hope to hear from you and Good luck hang in there it will on;y get better...Stay healthy and try not to stress out that will really take a toll on your body and you can't afford that rite now.You have a child to worry about Take Care..

Answer 3

Give your dad a little time to cool off. Yes, he's disappointed (all parents have certain goals and dreams for their kids)but he'll come around given some time. I'm sure your mom is trying to talk to him. He probably wont be a big fan of the situation but I doubt he'll never talk to you again. Believe me, my dad was in shock when I told him I was pregnant and we were married for 2 yrs. It doesnt matter how things happen....daddy just realized you werent 12 anymore. You're a grown adult almost done with college and you're going to be a mommy. When he sees that baby he will melt.

Just give him time and let your mom talk to him. It will be an issue in their marriage but I doubt it will be a fight....your parents have each other to lean on for these situations.

Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 4

O sweetheart just take a deep breath!! First of all i am 16 and have a 1 year old daughter. When i told my mother i was pregnant she took it really hard at first and was always saying i cant believe i did this and la la la. She told me i was a disgrace to the family and i would have to make it on my own with no support from her. she said she never wanted to see me again. My god mom was really supportive of it. she was the same age when she first got pregnant so she knew wat it was like. The point of my story is my mom eventually got over it. it took her awhile but she realized she was just like me. Pregnant at 15 and married at 17. Just give your dad some time. I am positive he will come around and i am pretty sure he will attend your graduation. He has helped you get this far and he will realize he is being selfish and inconsiderate!! Good luck!!

Answer 5

I don't know your father, but I would guess that he will eventually come around. He is disappointed, angry and concerned for your and your child's future at this point. People say things in anger that they later regret, and I'm sure that this is true here. He loves you and I doubt he will stay mad or distant. This is hard to cope with. If he's this angry, maybe you should give him some time to cool off and then try to talk with him. If you think avoiding him would anger him more, then go talk with him now. If you can, do it face-to-face instead of over the phone. Ask your mom what she thinks is the best way to deal with talking to your father. She knows him better than anyone and could probably offer the best advice.

Answer 6

He sounds like one stubborn man. My condolences to you for that. My dad was the same way. He would cut off his nose to spite his face. Your Dad just has to stew on this for a while. Give him time. Before you got pregnant, did you have a great relationship with your dad? If you did, then he'll come around. He's just disappointed that his dreams for your future aren't going the way he wanted them. What goes on between your mom and dad is not your problem. It's theirs. I hope your mom reads him the riot act. Leave him alone for a few weeks, then try calling him. If he still refuses to talk to you, then send him a letter. Tell him you have big plans for your future and you hope and wish that he'll be there to share the joy you are experiencing. Tell him you still plan to do whatever you studied for, but that you'll just have to start a little later, that's all. If you and your dad didn't have a great relationship before, then don't expect much. Keep up with your mom. Don't put her in the middle of things, but don't leave her out either. When I think back on my dad, he was furious at my twin for just about the same thing. He didn't talk to her for years (probably 5-8), but finally he realized what he was missing out on, and wised up. I hope your dad comes around sooner. Good luck.

Answer 7

Im 21 also and I used to attend an out of state college. I decided to stay home in ny this year and attend school up here.....I ended up pregnant by my boyfriend. I told my mom first then a month later I told my dad......he was furious. He said alot of things that hurt me and made me very upset. My father was mad at my mom because she didn't tell him when I told her. He felt left out because she knew for a whole month without telling him.They ended up arguing but they got over it. My parents as well as other family members pressured me into having an abortion.After the abortion I became depressed and I stopped talking to my dad.That was in November......we still don't talk. What i'm trying to say is do whats best for you. I did what others wanted me to do and I ended up unhappy and my relationship with my father is severely damaged because when I needed him to be there for me he wasn't. Don't try to make others happy live your life and make your own decisions. Your father loves you and he will get over it. after the abortion my dad tried to comfort me and be there for me but it was too late. I felt he should have done that when I was pregnant. I just found out i'm pregnant again and theres not a chance in hell i'm getting another abortion. I know i'm going to go through hell with my parents but guess what i'm ready to deal with it.Your getting your degree and thats all that matters. They will respect you if you get on your grind and do what you have to do for your child. Show them that your committed to be a good mom......if I knew then what I know now I would've never have gotten an abortion. I was very scared and I had no support from my family so I felt alone. But I believe I will be ok.........and so will you.........I wish you the best of luck

Answer 8

Time heals all wounds.
I do believe he will settle down. Your Mom is going to be a Grandmother...you think she is going to miss out on that? No.
Your Father too will be a Grandpa..his out look will change. Currently he is probably feeling disappointed, thinking your career was ahead of you, later you would settle down and have a child. Apparently no one expects this to happen and so suddenly. Go to work if you can and do all you can to show you are mature, ready for this baby.
This is your life currently. You need no real stress while pregnant so limit yourself. Write your Dad instead of calling this way your Mom can read the letter to him.
Have Faith, Pray and God will guide you through. Everything will turn out fine...just give it time. God Bless you.

Answer 9

I was 23. My boyfriend left me pregnant and alone. My dad said I should give the baby up for adoption! Well, he was wrong. It is MY journey and I just stopped talking to him. Over time he learned to love my kid and even apologized. As life would have it. I got pregnant again and am alone! Geez, lol. Good think I love being a mom. This time I am 31 and I told my dad to watch his words and not to push me away again! He didn't. He was pretty good... baby due in June.. very excited..

my advise. Let your dad throw his temper tantrum. That is his problem if he is going to guilt you (I wish I had never wasted my money on your eduacation etc...)... and think he can control you with his 'pain' over YOUR decisions. Let him be. He can grow up and support you, like a family SHOULD. In my opinion, it is YOU that is going through a stressful time. You need support. I had people in my life that needed support for just watching me live!!! Very stressful and unnecessary. I don't le those people near me or my kids. If you can't support me, or at least shut up... then go. My life is awesome and you don't get to make me feel bad about myself.

Answer 10

Give him some time. When you talk to your Mom, just have her tell him you love him and don"t push for now. Maybe when this has time to sink in, he will come around. Being a grandmother myself, I believe the baby will melt his heart. Besides, it's not like you were a young teenager. You can still get the benefits from your education . Congrats and good luck.