I have been divorced for over 3 years now, have a new marriage, new baby and life is perfect. I was talking with a friend and she had run into my ex who was very abusive to me and cheated on me several times in our very short marriage. She said he was looking great, like he was off illegal substances , he had a 1 year old and was married again and that he was in counseling and on medication to make him better. How come I am feeling burned? I don't miss him, but is this normal to hear good things about an ex that treated you badly? Can anyone shed light on this? Also, I have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for him other than hatred.
2007-03-24 12:31:34 · 13 answers · asked by tippysock 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yeah, but there is a part of me that is bitter that my ex didn't get his act together while WE were still together. That and I wonder if maybe I did something wrong. I mean, if some other girl got him sober and all, then why couldn't I have done the same?
Ugh, hurts my head to think about it. You have my condolences.
2007-03-24 12:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by Belinda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are that her report on your ex has been severly edited. As you know very well, most people, and especially men, have a great deal of difficulty changing their habits. If he was abusive to you, sooner or later it will most likely appear in their relationship. Same for all of the other little things which added up to qualifying him for ex status.
To assume that your leaving him is cheating you is probably a deep seated feeling that you are responsible in some way for the break up. Even if you were a contributor, it still takes two to tangle and we all are just human, so cut yourself some slack.
Sounds like you have a life you want finally, just enjoy it and allow living well be your ultimate revenge.
2007-03-24 19:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by gia_helene 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it never feels good to hear an ex that hurt us is doing well, after they hurt us so badly. we wonder what was wrong with us that they could not have loved and treated us well, and done this before we had to divorce them. yes we do hate them, but hatred is so close to love in a way. if u had no feelings at all u wouldn't even bother to hate him. things happen for a reason, your not with him because there was a reason. he may look as if all is well, and that he has his act together, but really do u think he is going to treat her any better than he did u after awhile. but maybe it took a divorce and end of a marriage to grow him up a bit. but its hard to say if he has changed or not. your hurt because he treated u badly and u wonder why he is treating her better.
2007-03-24 19:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you put your finger on the problem in the last line. You hate him. And you want him to be miserable because he tore your life up when you broke up. That is revenge to want him to be unhappy and suffering. Also you feel bad because he didn't clean his life up and make everything happy between you but he did it for this new girls.
You could have done well not to have gotten the update bulletin from whomever told you about him. Blow them off because they aren't your friend and don't care how you feel.
Everything you are feeling is normal. When you get to a place where you can be glad he's happy and (mostly) thank God that you aren't with him anymore, then you will be free of him. Right now you are still caught up in how he hurt you. Get your mind off him and don't be envious or resentful because you said your life is now happy. Be glad he's happy too. It takes time but you can do it someday.
2007-03-24 19:38:19 · answer #4 · answered by Pamela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the jerk that answered before...
You feel hurt because you want a successful marriage and you thought that he's be "the one."
Unfortunately, you are angry because you wasted time with a loser and now you have to get on with your life even if he isn't a loser anymore.
The deal is-PEOPLE CAN CHANGE..many times they don't and some hide the truth...
Regardless, you were not "the one" for him and he's not "the one" for you. Yes, you wasted time. Yes, you are hurt he changed a little too late..
It doesn't matter..you have a life to be proud of so let him go and don't make anymore mistakes. People can change-time for you to start changing your direction-look forward and not backward.
2007-03-24 19:40:40 · answer #5 · answered by sugardaddysgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know why you feel this way. You are probrably thinking sumthing like "Why couldnt he do that while we were married?". Am I right? While you were married to him, you were given wood and now that you divorced him, he is giving his new wife gold! What I mean is he is under control now that he has a new wife and was a phsyco when you were with him. Probrably feel kinda jelous even though you dont realize it just yet. Soon you will get over it dont worry.
2007-03-24 19:42:15 · answer #6 · answered by MizzQ-T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yerself this... WHO CARES... that was then this is now..
(LOL but at least I had the good sence to stop with just the one marriage 10 years ago.. yer on yer second already??? Hmmm..)
If yer life is so perfect now.. why do you even care? I dont believe you.. as is my perogative to do...
and as we all know... YOU had nothing to do with that failed relationship.. it was all him (at least I take 50% responsibility for my failed relationships)
2007-03-24 19:40:38 · answer #7 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have unforgiveness that you need to deal with. I'm sure he doesn't deserve your forgiveness but if you don't you will just end up a very bitter unhappy person.
2007-03-24 19:37:56 · answer #8 · answered by Zabes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still angry and think of the possibilities of what might have been. Work on the anger. Talk with someone.
2007-03-24 19:37:38 · answer #9 · answered by DRH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard and you are still angry with him, but forget him and concentrate on your new life and baby.
2007-03-24 19:39:12 · answer #10 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋