2007-03-24 12:28:57 · 35 answers · asked by dontgetmad_geteven2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being betrayed will be one of or the most heartbreaking and difficult obstacle you will have to face in your marriage or relationship. Often, people find excuses for their spouse, coming up with ways to blame themselves for being cheated on. The truth is, your spouse cheated and it was not your fault regardless of what reasons he or she throws at you. If they felt they were not getting what they needed and desired at home, they should have talked to you about it.
If you have decided to forgive him, you will need to rebuild trust. The best way is to seek advice from a marriage counselor.
Rebuilding trust takes two - it involves a lot of planning, effort, and coordination - two people working closely together - two people who are undoubtedly not very happy with each other.
Simply put, rebuilding trust is so difficult because it requires you to work closely with someone who you do not trust.
So when trying to work things out, it helps to consider the following questions:
* Are both parties serious about trying to repair the damage?
* Is it even possible to work together right now?
More often than not, additional time is needed to let people cool down before they try to rebuild trust.
And at the end of the day, if only one party is interested in trying to make things better, there is little that can be done.
2007-03-24 12:31:47 · answer #1 · answered by Cinta 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
14 years is a long long time. I can see why you would want to save something that you have worked so hard on for some time.
You have to ask your self if he wants to save the marrige. Because there is not really too many things you can do to make the situation better. He Messed Up He Needs To Fix It!
He needs to show you how much he cares and the only way you will feel better, is to trust him right?
And you cant just start trusting him again. He has to give you reasons to trust him.
Without reasons, as far as you know nothing has changed and he could be off doing his "THANG" with that other chick.
Be carefull, and trust your gut.
Do you want to live the rest of your life with someone who can treat you with disrespect?
I know 14years is hard to give up. But if he wont try to fix things and expects you to just do all the work. I am guessing, you would be so happy to find someone to treat you how you want to be treated.
live life with no regrets! you only live once
2007-03-24 12:39:20 · answer #2 · answered by jiggamaboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to find out exactly why he cheated on you. Locate the problem, figure out some possible solutions, then act them out. Some examples: If it's variety he seeks, try something new in the bedroom. if it's attention he craves, reassure him that you're listening. Make sure he knows that you're there for him and that you'll do anything to make him happy. Of course, these couple of things aren't going to save a whole marriage, but it'll give you a good idea on how to figure out where the problem is.
2007-03-24 12:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You alone cannot save your marriage. Your partner and you, though can. If your both willing to make changes then you might actually have a chance. If only one of you is making the effort it will NEVER work.
Assuming both of you are going to try to work things out, the main two things you will need to work on is communication and re-establishing trust. If you can learn to talk out your problems constructively you can try and compromise and get some kind of happy medium for both of you.
Re-establishing trust is alot harder, because it doesn't happen overnight. It takes a long time, and you have to have the strength to let the past stay in the past. That's probably one of the biggest challenges you would have to deal with.
A marriage counselor could best help you along with these issues. I would look into seeing one.
2007-03-24 12:34:49 · answer #4 · answered by Kurius_Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first step is done deciding that you DO want to save the marriage, the second is to relearn to trust him and ask him WHY he cheated and work on what lead him to seeing anothe person (not that its your fault but maybe communication between the 2 of you has weakened ect.)
Counciling with a person who is outside the situation can be extremely helpful in getting you to open up and talk without getting overly emotional and can keep you on the right track.
Goodluck and I hope you achieve what you want!
2007-03-24 12:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so very sorry; I know what you're going through is incredibly painful. You both need to identify the problems in your marriage that led to his betrayal of your vows. What happened, however, is NOT your fault. He must take full responsibility for his actions and understand the pain you're in. (I tried to save my marriage... but couldn't forgive him in the long run because he refused to do anything to repair the damage). Purchase "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" by John Gray and Dr. Laura's "The Feeding and Care of Husbands"... maybe these books can help. Good luck. Be strong...
2007-03-24 12:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd rather have to agree with shadow.... If marriage is respect, admiration passion and trust, he broke your trust with betrayal------ the ultimate deal-buster, by sharing the passion with someone else..... so the admiration and respect are in the toilet too. Any counselor will tell you that it is a minimum of two years in counseling before your marriage has a chance to heal, and that is if both of you wish to try to save it, and it is no guarantee................
2007-03-24 12:43:03 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont understand women like you, if he cheated he does not love you in an intimate way anymore. Chances are he lost attraction for you, do you have such low self esteem that you can not move on? I know you love him, but think about how much fun it would be to start over fresh with someone new. You will never be able to trust him again even with counseling; move on.
2007-03-24 12:35:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mistakes happen . Something was missing or wrong with the relationship . Try talking . Remember it takes a bigger person to make it work then a person to simply walk away . If its true love its worth the fight . Good Luck.
2007-03-24 12:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by mama 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to hear that.
You can save your marriage by getting counselling and by both you and he being committed to saving your marriage.
The counsellor will help you figure out what is going on that caused him to stray and help you fix it so that you can go forward together working on staying together.
Marriage takes commitment. I don't personally believe in divorce, but if you both aren't into doing the work, it won't get any better.
2007-03-24 12:32:30 · answer #10 · answered by shoestring_louise 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋