Anyone else marry their first sexual partner?

Question

I married the only guy I ever slept with. He has had a LOT of sexual partners in the past (he is STD free--been tested). He told me in the beginning of our marriage that he was worried I would want to explore my sexuality, too with other guys. At the time, I was totally content with only him and told him that would not happen. But now, two years into our marriage, I am getting bored with the sex and WOULD like to see what another guy would be like. I do love my husband very much, and I know that if I slept with anyone else, our marriage would be over. Do you think it is fair for me to never experience any other sexual moments than the ones with him, especially since he has had his fill of other women before me?

Answer 1

eeeeh. not an easy question!

i married my first sexual partner. in the culture i grew up in (pentecostal church), i was taught that you weren't supposed to have sex until you got married. well, i screwed that up; so i thought the next best thing would be to marry the person i had sex with. so i did. he had had more experience before me, but not a ton. several months into the marriage i started feeling how you're feeling. kind of jealous, kind of left out, kind of confused.

if we wanted to keep our marriage together, we should have gone to marriage counseling right there.

we didn't. we were divorced after 4 years. of course, i ran into all sorts of experience before landing with my now-life partner.

so, if you WANT to stick together, you can't do this without professional help. tell your husband what you're feeling. that is KEY. just explain that you're feeling jealous of him. he got other partners, and you didn't. that doesn't mean you WANT other partners. then, explain that you want to understand everything you're feeling/thinking, so you're going to seek out counseling. invite him along. if he refuses to go, GO by yourself.

and just a tip: one-night stands are exciting only because they're new. it usually doesn't mean GOOD sex. the beauty of sex in a marriage is that there is safety, comfort and acceptance. you can go places that you wouldn't be able to go with some other random guy! enjoy!

Answer 2

If you absolutely love him, then you wont feel the need to be with anyone else. However, being a women who has had more than one sexual partner in my life, i can't imagine marrying someone without knowing what else is out there. But i have experienced different relationships and sexual intimacy and i found someone who i am happy with in my relationship and sexually. The first and second person i was with, i never got an orgasm with, however the man i am with now, i have orgasms all the time, i always thought that i just couldn't have them. If you are satisfied and are truly in love, then i don't think you have anything to worry about. How old is your boyfriend and how many partners has he had?

Answer 3

I just went through this. I left my husband and had an affair with my boss sad to say. I never physically cheated on my husband until I moved out. The sex was so much better with you affairee, sad to say. You must not be satisfied or else you would not be considering this option. Why dont you ask him for a 6 month seperation to sort out your feelings, thats what I did, chances are at this point you will know if you want to stay in your marriage. We were together 8 years 3 of the 8 married. Dont think I knew what I wanted at 22 when I married.

Answer 4

My first marriage was to my first sexual partner, but thankfully it didn't work out. We got divorced after a year and a half, and I got a chance to experience other relationships before getting married again. Having done that, I could say that you're probably not missing much by sticking with one guy whom you love - but I wouldn't deny that first-hand experience was what led me to this realization. I don't blame you for wanting to explore other options, I think it's a natural desire - but you have to see clearly what's at stake here. Some things are worth "giving up" for the sake of achieving higher goals. Figure out if a wider variety of sexual experiences is something that you can give up in exchange for having a good marriage. If it is, you just have to come to peace with the fact that your husband might be the only one you will ever know sexually; if it isn't - then the "fair" thing to do would be to let your husband know you are not interested in staying in the marriage, and go your own way. What isn't fair is for you to have affairs behind your husband's back for the sake of satisfying your curiousity. Be honest with yourself and with him, and figure out where your priorities are.

Answer 5

I have slept with plenty of guys and I have never been married.

Answer 6

Fairness has nothing to do with it. Who a person was with (or how many) before they get married shouldn't be an issue. It's not an "even steven" kind of thing. You don't keep score. As long as he's faithful to you, and you to him, that's all that should matter. You're being insecure.
As far as the boredom, it's normal. You will go through periods of time where sex hits a lull. You should talk to him about wanting to spice up your love life. Get creative.
If you were to have a "fling", to see what it's like, in addition to hurting the man you love, you'd most likely be very disappointed. Most people who cheat find the experience wasn't worth it. Trust me.

Answer 7

I married my first sexual partner and been married for 18 years. During the time when I was able to receive sex with my husband I never thought about having another sexual partner. If you are receiving sex at home don't go out and get it from someone else. It's to dangerous out there.

Answer 8

He was right - you would eventually want to seek out other sexual experiences. I have had many, and most of them have been great - but they don't take the place of real love and trust that you seem to have in your marriage. Be grateful for what you have and don't risk it for a fling. Sex is wonderful, but as long as your sex life is good with your husband then be satisfied with it. There are only so many things people can do sexually - do them all with your husband and you won't feel like you are missing anything. It would not be fair to do anything to hurt him, as you reassured him that his fears were unwarranted. Good luck - stay faithful!! You are a lucky woman!

Answer 9

I married my first sexual partner and have been with him for ten years. He (like your husband) had many partners before me. I am completely satisfied and have no desire to get it somewhere else. Try experiencing new things with your husband. The grass is always greener on the other side. Really, how much better can it possibly be?

Answer 10

You damn right it's fair! You married him! No one told you to marry the only sex partner you've had. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's not even a matter of fair. It's a matter of committment and dedication. You can't truly love your husband and think that way. You need to church and talk to God. Only he can bless your sex life in your marriage.