I allowed myself to get involved with his midlife crisis and thought I was being supportive in helping him as he said he was emotionally abused in his marriage and it was ending inevitably anyhow. We have similar interests and got along quite well. But clearly he is not the one for me, should have known that at the beginning (as he is married). He should be dedicated to his wife and family now, but is now asking for an affair. I won't go there again but need to find a way that we can work together without shutting him out completely. We are "friends" and he wants me to meet his wife to talk things through and possibly be friends with her (no 3 way action, yikes!). That is so unfair to her and I would hate me if I were her. Is there anyway to recover from this mess? Should I find a new place of employment?
2007-03-24 11:53:23 · 12 answers · asked by octavia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You think its unfair to the wife?.....hell, its totally unfair to you. You were with him because of the situation he was in...you gave yourself to him in good faith....now he is making light of it by wanting you and his wife to be friends? He is totally disrespecting you. How rude of him. I dont think I would want to be friends with a man like that, and while I dont believe in the word used, I think thats how I would be feeling right now.
You need to show him who the better person is. If he wants to have an affair then he is obviously still not happy in his marriage. He wasnt having a mid life crisis, he was just reacting from an abusive marriage. He has been suckered in by his manipulative wife to be her husband again. It is a stale marriage, and he is there out of Fear Obligation and Guilt (FOG). His brain is fogged, he is not thinking clearly.
He is a doormatt for him to go back to the marriage. What a pusssy. He is stuck, Im sorry. He had the opportunity to get away from the abuse, but he chose to go back to it.
Do you really want a friend like that. I would be glad he showed his true colours sooner rather than later. Use this as a valuable tool to find a real man for yourself. I was going to suggest finding another job, but this man is no threat....hes a mouse and must find some women threatening. I dont think you will have a problem in telling him you dont want him as a friend, nor do you want to have anything to do with his wife. He will be that frightened, he will crawl into the corner and hide. You have the control here, use it to your advantage and move on and find someone who is worthy of your love.
2007-03-24 12:14:05 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say you should never pee in your own well because you may have to drink the water. Yours is a perfect example of why office affairs are a bad idea.
Be polite but reserved around this man. Do not have an affair with him. Keep your head up high and have self respect. If he persists tell him you have moved on and are seeing someone, but you wish him and his wife the best of luck. Don't talk personal stuff to him, only business. Always be polite so he doesn't get the wrong impression. But the main thing is to steer clear. Good luck.
2007-03-24 12:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by lcmcpa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank you! Thank you for realizing that affairs are wrong. Thank you for admitting that you made a mistake and know it's not right.
He is not your friend. A friend would never put you in a cross fire.
You don't have to find another job. You do need to withdraw yourself from this so-called friendship. You two can work together, but draw the line. The two of you can't be friends until he shows more respect for all of you (wife, himself and you)
You shouldn't meet his wife. that's so disrespect and he is a pig for offering. just distance yourself outside of the work place. Be a strong woman and don't settle for disrespect!
2007-03-24 12:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you become uncomfortable while working, yes find another job. Any guy that walks out on his family for sex isn't worth very much. He is the one who should be embarrassed by his actions...and as for meeting his wife, no, you have done enough damage, no offense. You sound like a decent person who made a mistake, just move on and tell him not to speak to you about anything personal again. If pressed to meet his wife, just apologize and tell her you learned never to interfere in another person's family and that your sorry for the trouble you caused. He'll be dealt with....by a high authority as adultry is one of the ten commandments.
2007-03-24 12:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it perfectly clear that you have a professional only relationship with him now. If he persists, go to human resources. Find a new place of employment only as a last resort unless you can find a job that's better than the one you have now.
2007-03-24 12:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do no longer drink an entire bottle of Bacardi Limon w/Coke & then verify that that's a great concept to bounce on the buddies trampoline. i assumed it grew to become right into a great concept on the time... different than that, do your element female!! i'm sorry to take heed to that issues did no longer artwork out for you yet I wish you in basic terms happiness!
2016-10-20 08:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by mcfee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that your not going there and he needs to get on with his life without you and tell him you will be there as his friend and nothing else.
2007-03-24 12:38:28 · answer #7 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like he stringing you along, make sure his wife find out. other wise keep your job, watch out for other women he might do thid to. dont let him make you quit.
2007-03-24 12:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by Okeanos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another job, the dude is insane.
2007-03-24 12:42:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a new place of employment don't be a home wrecker
2007-03-24 12:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋