do i need to give up on someone who i love?

Question

i met my girlfriend a few months ago after she had just recently separated from her husband. It was pretty much perfect both of us had never had anyone that made us feel the way we did. Pretty much we fell in love right off the bat. She introduced me to her 6 year old daughter and i got along with her great. everything was perfect until the the ex (who is very manipulative) somehow convinced my girlfriend that she needed to come back so their daughter would be happy.She still calls and messages me telling me she wants to be with me and is not happy but wants her daughter to be happy. her husband has always and still cheats on her and mentally abuses her she knows it but thinks she has to deal with it for her kid. its breakin my heart because we really want and need each other. what do i do?

Answer 1

This woman is either a very weak willed one, or not too bright. The daughter will not be happy just because the father and the mother are together. Kids arent stupid, they pick up on things like that. She is not there because she thinks it will make the daughter happy......she is there because she is in love with her husband. She is using the daughter as an excuse, and is keeping you on the side, in case it doesnt work out with the husband. If he has and is still cheating on her, then doesnt it show you how weak she is? Doesnt it show you that she doesnt know how to love? She is this poor little defensless woman who is prepared to accept unacceptable behaviour no matter what. She is allowing herself to be treated like shite. She has choices that are just as important as her husband's choices and she is allowing him to manipulate her. No-one can force anyone to do something they are defintely against. Her husband knows how weak she is and that is the only way he can manipulate her. You cannot manipulate a strong minded person. If she really didnt want to be with him, she wouldnt. The daughter will grow up with some pretty warped ideas about what love is while ever she thinks staying together for the sake of the child will work. It wont work, it is very detrimental to the child actuallty.

This woman is not thinking properly.......she is prepared to ignore your love for the sake of the child, even though it is not in the best interests of the child. You really need to think again. If she really loved you.....if it was true love, then her common-sense (if she had any) would tell her that going back into an abusive relationship will harm her child, not help her.

Move on, you deserve much better. The woman you loved has very low self esteem, she doesnt know what real love is. She knows how to be abused, and she is placing her daughter at risk....why?......because she still loves him.

Its hard to look beyond emotions, but I suggest if you dont look at reality soon, then the manipulative ways she has learnt from her husband and she is using on you, will eventually destroy you.

Love yourself a bit more and realise that this woman is not worth waiting for....she has too many issues that need to be sorted out before she will be able to form any kind of lasting relationships.

Be strong, look at reality, and find a woman who knows how to love....this one doesnt.

Answer 2

Sorry to read this.
Having a child changes your whole view on the world and your responsibilities. Of course it is reassuring for a child to see that their parents are together. So that is driving your girlfriend's return to the dad. She is obviously living an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship with her husband and may very well be truly unhappy with him. But she is the one who can decide what she prefers to do. There is not much you can do about that. She needs to work on the issue herself. She may feel guilty of being happy with you if that keeps her daughter away from her dad. Of course this is breaking your heart. No one can tell you what to do. Adding pressure on her is probably not helping. Being there for her until she sorts out why she is staying in an abusive relationship may be an approach -but this may take a long time. Obviously the child is being used as an excuse by both parents but, as I said, having a child has quite deep emotional impact. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to know what you are going through. Life is like that, it never can be in the way as we want. I think in this situation, your girlfriend who can control how the story will be. Personally, I don't think she should go back with her ex if he's that bad in the ways he treats her. As we all know, children can't be happy if the parents aren't truly happy. So I really don't think by going back to her ex would make her daughter any happier. It probably would for years because she's still young (6 years old). But still kids are smart and sensitive.

So I still think going back to her ex is not a should thing. Your gf and her daughter should be with someone who is caring and loving, can make them truly happy.

I hope you can make your gf see things better and don't make another wrong decision. Good luck!

Answer 4

If she went back to him it was not for her daughter. Sometimes people have a problem letting go of a bad relationship.

Stay away from her. Quit taking her calls. Stop answering her messages. If she cares about you she will come to her senses and leave this abusive man. If not, there is nothing you can do except get on with your life. Time will heal your heart, nothing else. Keeping busy will help you a lot. Good luck.

Answer 5

I believe that there should be an award for the mother. She has exemplified and is perfect example of a parent. I, like her, am driven by the concept that our children are important enough to put all of our wants, desires, and anything else in the way of their happiness by the wayside. I fall to my knees and worship that kind of devotion to a child as it shows truly without exception, the display of the most valuable of traits, unconditional love that is so important in protecting, growing and nurturing children. Be glad that you have the opportunity to know someone with those qualities and take your selfishness out of the equation. Finally another adult parent that refuses to give up. The courts stole the title for their own profit and gain and she keeps the accurate definition, "IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN". After her everything else amounts to no more than no fault divorce and division of stuff. Good for her and I think you should respect qualities of such magnitude.

Answer 6

Forget it , she is married and she is in my opinion just holding you for a sideline. She was away from this relationship and was with you, her husband contacted her and preferred to return to him, don't let her fool you that the child is the only reason, she went back. If she truly loved you and you were willing to take her and the child but yet, she went back to him and is now contacting you, forget her let her go , you will never have her. She is only leading you on out of more than likely just playing with your feelings. Tell her to get lost and stay where she wants to be, find someone single that can return your love not a never minder like her.

Answer 7

Since a long time in the past, humans have looked for the which means of affection. But even the first-class philosophers, with their profound definitions, might now not entirely contact its real essence. In a survey of four-eight 12 months olds, children proportion their perspectives on love.

Answer 8

dont make her feel she has to make a choice i know it is hard but she will remember within a short time why she wasnt with him and in a way after this daft period cos we do try for kids well some do. god im so sorry your heart is breaking i wish his was you know though he isnt doing it for love...sounds sto me if she hadnt found you he wouldnt of been bothered most prob ego thing ...i hope she realises where her daughter is better,,,sad fact is though that most kids that are from seperations always want and in a way fantasize there parents back together...but from my experience as young as she is i bet she can tell where her mam was happier ...be patient ....and i keep my fingers crossed for you ..

Answer 9

Shes a BIG girl now and has lots of baggage that apparently doesn't mind carrying around with her. Leave her alone and don't contact her BUT tell her what your going to do and see if she leaves him. If she does are you willing to take care of her and her little one? Maybe it has something to do with her financial situation and she can't make it on her own?

Answer 10

Forget about her. You may think it's impossible now but you need to try. She is gonna stay with her husband. Women know this and it's time we learn the same thing.