Why would a man say of 36 not be "ready" for marriage?

Question

friends tell me at this age he should be ready to settle down and if he isn't by now he never will be or want to marry..is that true?

I am 25 and we've been together for almost 3 years now..he wants to say that I am "too young" but he knows how old I am from day 1.. why'd he give me a ring? Why to him is marriage just a "piece of paper"? We've been living together pretty much the whole time we've been together...just a little background on us..

our life is pretty much he works, comes home to me we live as if we are married everything is as if we are married but we aren't..before me all his relationships were pretty messed up and he tells me all the time I am the first woman he can fully trust and he doesn't party as I said he works comes home and is content being in front of the tv or chilling out with me..I just dont' get it?

We do talk about it.. and to him its just a piece of paper..then he goes into I'm young and then he just starts talking about crazy stuff and gets all tongue tied..I think more than anything its cold feet..or maybe I am just too old fashioned and think marriage is whats to be after this long? He tells me all the time if he didn't want to be with me he wouldnt' be here, he'd leave that simple

Answer 1

He has all of the benefits of marriage so he sees no reason to legalize it. You should not waste your youth on this man. He is using you. Time goes by quickly and you will soon find yourself longing for someone who loves you enough to COMMIT to you. Many men who refuse to marry are still looking for someone "better".

You should pack up, move out and get on with your life. Don't waste any more of your best years on him.

Answer 2

I wasn't. At 36...ummm let's see... that was 7 years ago..., so I was working as a consultant, living in hotel rooms, working at a different location every 2-12 months, so... heck some of the women... I have forgotten their names, but they couldn't hang with a corporate vagabond, and I knew that. Heck, sometimes I didn't even date for years at a time (I was 100% travel for about 10 years) because I knew that was no type of job to have to try to maintain a marriage and raise a family.

But.. at 40, I took positive steps to get a non-travel job, bought a home, started dating with an eye toward something more serious, and now 3 years and a minor heartbreak later, I am still waiting to meet a woman worthy of me.

Answer 3

their probably right . Men at that age should know what they want and and if does not want to be commit ed then he only knows why. We cannot judge any ones decisions we got to respect them. We live in a world where marriage is not being respected or getting married to young . We got to know what we we want to take actions not just jump into them. This guy might be playing it safe and there's nothing wrong with that. He might just think that marriage is not what he wants now because he hasn't found the right person and wouldn't want to hurt any one. There's nothing wrong holding back from marriage for marriage should be respected and honored and people find them self loosing it after giving it a try. But it will be nice to find someone to love and care for because every one should find a partner who would provide it. Eventually he will make the right choice with the right person and normally at his age they Pretty much end up lasting a life time with the one he Love's and there's nothing wrong with him fishing, searching and testing them out isn't that what we advice people to do? For men mature at an older age at a lot slower rate then women so maybe he's getting there.

Answer 4

If a man tells you he's not "ready" for marriage, don't push it...either wait or move on. Sorry. It could mean that he is not ready to commit; it could meant that he is not ready to commit to YOU; it could mean that he's just enjoying the free milk; it could mean that he doesn't feel settled enough into his career or lifestyle or whatever. It could even mean he just doesn't feel like he's had his enough fun yet.

At any rate, you really don't want him to marry you because you gave him an ultimatum indicating that you would leave if he doesn't. You'll both likely end up miserable and divorced in the long run. If he wants you badly enough to commit to you for a lifetime-he'll ask and you two can set a date.

In my opinion, 3 years is much more than enough time for a 36 year-old to determine if he wants to commit to you for the rest of your lives or not. The biological clock may be another issue of concern. I think it is a much bigger deal to women who want to raise children than it is to us men.

Finally, some people say that they want to "test drive" their potential spouses by living together first. IMO, it's usually the woman who gets the short end of the stick when a relationship doesn't work out after living together-especially for that long of a time period.

I wish you the best and really, I'm just being honest.

Answer 5

Everyone is an individual and everyone thinks differently - for instance I know some guys who got married because it was "expected" of them in their 30s and are now in failing marriages; I know some guys (and girls) who just don't ever want to get married full stop; some people who are just sure something better is around the corner...

Main point should be that if you are talking about a guy that you are thinking about marrying, don't you think you should be able to ask him why he doesn't want to??? Hardly grounds for a healthy, long-term relationship...

Answer 6

There are many reasons a guy might not be ready for marriage. How long has he known you? Is he where he wants to be in life career wise? Age does not mean maturity. Does he see himself still going to strip clubs and hanging out with the guys til 2 in the morning? If marriage is an immediate necessity for you, move on but you could be missing out.

Answer 7

I've heard it before and you are another example of why it's true: if you want to be married, don't live with someone. The truth is, he has all he wants from you, and age and maturity are two different things. And if he doesn't value marriage, he will never marry. It's time to decide if you can spend the rest of your life like this, or to cut your losses and find someone who wants the same things as you.

Answer 8

Don't listen to your friends. It's possible this man had a bad experience with marriage and is afraid to take that step himself. Maybe he just wants to stay single. Marriage is a big responsibility and is suppose to be for life. For some guys, that's just too much to commit to. It's up to you whether you're happy in the relationship, or if you want more, then ask yourself if you're willing to leave to find the one willing to give you that ring.

Answer 9

No that is not true. Every one views marriage differently. He will know when he is ready for that kind of commitment. Remember marriage is for life, some just take longer to know if they are ready for life with the same person. Just don't push him because that tends to make them want to wait longer!!!!

Answer 10

oh honey. when a man tell you he's not ready for marriage, he means not ready for marriage with YOU. it sucks. i know. but it never fails. as soon as a woman breaks off the relationship, the man runs out and gets married in 3 months to some woman he JUST met. it never fails. and don't fool yourself into thinking that it you just held on, he would have been ready. it doesn't work that way.