Have been with my Husband for 13 Years,HE, has now decided that he doesn't want to be a Full-time Dad, nor does he want to be a Husband,feel in love with an old flame,she's single no kids and frankly very shallow.
He has moved in with her and itroduced our kids too her within 2 months,my kids now hate her, so will not see her,she's where Mum should be,the thing is what's goin on here?
We have been through hell and back, been lovers,good friends,Buisness partners and never stopped our pyhisical relashonship,our kids are 4 and 8 and really starting to hate him as he is not there for them
What do I do?
He tells me he is working so he can't pick up the kids but is going out with her and our friends.
He is living with her and all in such a short space off time.
My Son went out tonight with a Neibours Dad and his Son and came Home to me and said he wished he had a Dad like that.
Frankly I am ashamed off him, wot should I do?
2007-03-24 11:16:35 · 13 answers · asked by live life 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does see them on a Tues/Thurs for 3 hrs and also does pay Money towards them.But that's it,will take them too the park but spends mosts off his time kissing his new Girlfriend.He's 34.And was dating her when he was 19 .he also said she made him feel like he was 19 again ?.I'm 37.
2007-03-24 11:43:59 · update #1
i totally agree with aunty em, brilliant advice!
ask him if he wants regular contact withe kids or not. if he does, get a court to make a judgement, and get child maintainance at the same time if he isnt paying already.
my 1st 2 kiddies dad is an complete a***hole and very inappropriate behaviour/hard drug taker etc.
i tried to keep contact going but he let it drift and upset them when he did contact them, which was very sporadic.when we moved away he visited once...that was 4/5 years ago!
after some particuarly nasty episodes from him i cut contact which i feel awful about but he was giving out very bad signals to kids and scaring them..i think under those circumstances its ok to sever contact... in yours, its early days and things may settle and calm down. i have never 'bad-mouthed' their father to them even when things were really awful, and that is what you must try hard not to do either, tho its very hard.explain to them that mummy and daddy are not really friends at the moment but you both love them very much and its nothing to do with them, its a silly and annoying adult arguement. im sure you can phrase it better than that but you get the gist!
stick with your loyal friends and ignore the others...in time they may also get to see the real him and may come back very ashamed, some of mine did.
rally friends/relatives or paid childcare, get organised without even putting him in the equation- if you are relying on him for the least amount of things possible you will feel more in control and he'll see you're not a doormat!
good luck, get some legal advice and enjoy the extra time with your children.
2007-03-24 11:40:26 · answer #1 · answered by hedgewitch 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no matter how much you hate the ex-pig (and he is dreadful, I am so sorry) you mustn't try and influence your children against him. The first thing I would do is make sure that you have a support system the doesn't involve him picking the kids up or relying on him for anything. You need to approach him and ask him if he wants access. If he agrees then formalise it and make him stick to it. Lots of us have been where you are and there is little you can do but get on with your life. I may say that the best revenge is 'to live well' so if you are having a good time and getting on fine without him (and looking brilliant) he will be the one wondering what he has done! The other thing is that any of your 'friends' who are allowing that woman into their house should be struck off your list. If need be explain to these people that your children have been badly hurt and that you have no intention of allowing them to spend time with people who are condoning the ex-pigs behaviour. No matter how hurtful it is now, you will come through it and one day you will start to feel okay again. Remember your ex got a shallow tart, you got two beautiful kids - who got the good deal???
2007-03-24 18:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be truthful and frank with your children. If you dont know why this has happened, than say so.. the kids need to know you are in the dark as much as they are... and its not their fault.
Keep strong for them so you can get them the answers you need and they deserve. Speak to family , friends, you will be surprised how many people will support you in your hours of need, and perhaps the answers will come and your husband will start to act reasonably with time.
This is so sad but your children need to know you at least are there for them, and their dad... well thats just him. Good luck sweetheart.:)
2007-03-24 18:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by toni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find you a good man to take dear old dad's place. Make sure he is handsome and makes good money. Go out, have a good time, take the kids. Make your new life happy. Don't dwell on your kid's father and what he did. Do something positive.
You'd be surprised how fast dad will want to come back.
Not sure whether you'd want him back though.
2007-03-24 18:22:27 · answer #4 · answered by Carol D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just continue to do your best and stay being a great mum. Let them see him if and when they want, dont ***** him to them. Be strong, maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis. I'm sure he'll see what a total prat he's been.
I'm really sorry you and your kids are going through this, must be really hard
2007-03-24 18:34:23 · answer #5 · answered by keeley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow what an jerk - it is sad but good riddance - it sounds like he is having a mid life crisis and before long will not doubt come home with his tail between his legs. You need to sit him down and talk to him about the children as he is being unfair on them, secondly a good shock tactic is to contact child support and make him pay his way - if is isn't going to see them make him pay
2007-03-24 18:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce his worthless ****, get you and your kids in some counselling programs (as this has GOT to be an extremely difficult time for all of you) and when you're ready, find another man who respects you and your kids as he should.
Good luck to you. You deserve much better.
2007-03-24 18:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
honey, you need to divorce, don't use the kids against him, they will make up their own minds about the situation, you get yourself a new man in your life, and watch him come crawling back!...then you can tell him to F**k right off......things will get better in time i promise!....i wish you and your children well x
2007-03-24 20:00:15 · answer #8 · answered by Just passing the time! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him go, raise your children alone, dont slate him....Your children will make up their own minds in time. Please do not/never stop him from seeing them it may damage them not having their father around. He maybe a ***** but You know but they adore daddy, Stay strong... You are worth it.
2007-03-24 18:23:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be ashamed of him. You should take him for all he's worth. File and fight for everything... What a sad situation.
2007-03-24 18:25:11 · answer #10 · answered by lucki female 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋