My daughter has divorced her husband,,she will remarry another..but?

Question

My granddaughter has just called my daughters new fiance Daddy. Do you think its harmful for her? she is only 4 I didnt think it was a good idea. I said she should be told that is not her father she has a father...but am I wrong?

All wonderful advice and I thank you all , and you are all right its not my business at all but I just wondered. Her father isnt have the man the new step father is, so if she wants to call him Dad so be it. It is up to her and them not me. And yes I do spoil her why not? Thanks again all of you.

My granddaughter has regular visits with her biological father. But the step father is more of a dad then her real father.

Answer 1

I call my stepfather "Dad", have since I was 4 and I'm now 42. I also call my real father, "Dad". I see no harm at all in it and I'm very happy that I have two wonderful men in my life as father figures. Let your daughter and her ex come up with the rules that they want to apply to this situation and trust that your daughter will do what is best. As a grandmother, you are there to love and spoil your grandchildren, not worry about what rules they use to call their family members.

Answer 2

Telling your granddaughter that she has a different father than your daughter's new fiance, is not enough, the little girl has to physically be in touch with her real father, she has to know the person, furthermore, she is too young to be explained and understand why her real father separated from her mother (left the household), and why her mother brought a new father home. Her biological father has to be able to visit his daughter, there's no other way to correctly bring up a child of a divorced family.

Answer 3

I think it depends on who does the "fathering" and who the daughter sees as the one who raised/raises her. At 4, she's probably too young to know differences right now, but she will be able to make up her mind when she gets older and sees which one is the "real" father which won't necessarily be her biological father. So, I don't think it's harmful for her to call your daughter's fiance daddy at this point as she will differentiate between the two as time goes and her questions are answered.

Answer 4

Don't worry - unless your granddaughter was told something like "You have to call him daddy now.", it's really ok. Does she have regular contact with her father or not?
My DD decided to call her stepdaddy "daddy" after knowing him for a short while only, even though she knew, that he was not her bio-dad. (Read my other posts, if you want to know more).

Let your granddaughter decide, how she wants to call her stepfather - any intervention would just make the situation crampy for everybody involved. Those 2 need to build up some kind of relationship with each other, and they need to determine, how this relationship should be molded. I was worried sick about how my DD would react to a new man in mommy's life, but those 2 just bonded immediately.

My DD will tell you in her cheeriest voice, that she haves 2 fathers, LOL, she grew up with it and we have an open approach on the subject.

Answer 5

It depends on wether or not her real father is in her life, if he is not every child deserves a father even if it is a step father. If her father is in her life yes she should be told that is not her father but obviously he makes her feel like she is his daughter, that is a good thing. Maybe she could call uncle followed by his first name, she doesn't call him that because he is her father she calls him that because he is with mommy and the two are supposed to go together.

Answer 6

I guess it all depends if she has a father in her life and what she calls him. This happened with people I knew and they used Pop for the step-dad's name. If he is going to be like a father then she does need some intimate name to call him but not the same as what she calls her biological father.

Answer 7

I think you should stay out of it. That's what I think. There are bigger things to worry about than what your granddaughter calls her mom's new husband. It's seriously none of your business. As long as he's a decent guy, you should be glad that your granddaughter will have a stable home life. Divorce has GOT to be hard for a 4-year old to understand, and very tough to go through.

Answer 8

It's definitely a personal decision, not for you to decide. At my wedding I said "I have 2 moms and 2 dads" and I am on video saying it. my cousins step-son asked if he could call her mom... sometimes it's just more personal. What else are you going to call them, by first name? Some people consider that disrespectful. I tend to correct people "No, that's my step-dad" and I wish I didn't do that because he is the one who raised me. It's a tough situation - let a 4 year old deal with it the best she knows how. Our neighbors daughters called both Dad. It's not as uncommon as you think.

Answer 9

There is a big difference in a dad and a father. If her father isn't a part of her life, her new step dad can be daddy.

Answer 10

it doesnt stop her from knowing who her dad is..and when the child gets older she most prob will go back to calling himj by his name....i have been there and my girls called there step dad it because they didnt wantto explain to everyone there live its suprised me ..and if it is done correctly there real dad should understand that he will always be there dad and come on what girl isnt and doesnt know her dad ..im 43 and a daddies girl,,,my girls even thought i brought them up and there dad if was ever needed for money or problems was never there...there dad is god ...dont worry to much....honest i am the mother of 2 girls brought up 3 i have 2 grandaughters..one of which has a father in prison for rapping my stepdaughter her mam so i am proud she met someone else and my grandaughter calls him dad...isnt live a ***** but please dont worry yourself over something so daft as a name ie dad...the guy who stands buy and who is there through thick n thin 2 be honest deserves the title....